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The Clam Jam

Kavi Case

Sooo, are we going to discuss the PATTON PIERCE-shaped elephant that walked into the party last night? Because I’m still in shock.

Rani Meyer

Me, too. I woke up this morning and thought I’d dreamt it. Is Troy actually going to be working with him?

Mala Meyer

That’s what I heard. And the way he was eye-fucking Nisha? My nips got hard.

Bella Meyer

I swear, I got whiplash watching them. Felt like I was at the Wimbledon Grand Slam.

Piper Menon

Yeah, except instead of a tennis ball, it was years of sexual tension bouncing between them. I haven’t downed a glass of champagne that fast trying to cool off.

Nisha Arora

Ugh. Can we not?

Rani Meyer

Um, no. We cannot not! After everything you told us at Piper’s that one night, this is too big to NOT!

Sarina Arora

Yeah, especially since you told Troy to TAKE THE JOB! He’s still feeling in two minds about it.

Nisha Arora

He has nothing to worry about. It’s a good opportunity for him, and I’m a big girl.

Sarina Arora

Yes, but he’s gotten all big brotherly with you, just like Dev.

Piper Menon

Except our girl could kick both her brothers’ asses. [GIF of Bruce Lee karate chopping someone]

Sarina Arora

True story.

Kavi Case

Though I’m not buying the whole “it’s a good opportunity for him” bit. Sounds sus.

Nisha Arora

The only thing sus is this chat. Y’all need to stop reading into things.

Piper Menon

Bitch, please. The only thing I’ve been reading is a lot of romance, and in every scenario like this, there’s a lot of makeup sex. So, you better tell me that’s your game plan here.

Nisha Arora

I have no game plan! Patton and I are done. We’ve been done for a while now.

Bella Meyer

Maybe, but the look on his face last night wasn’t “done”. It was more “I’m just getting started”.

Mala Meyer

Say what you want, but your face wasn’t exactly “done,” either, Nish. It was more “I hate him but I also want to climb him like a tree”.

Rani Meyer

Or “hump him like a humpback”.

Piper Menon

Or “blow him like a blow horn”.

Nisha Arora

I have clients waiting. And I’m blocking all of you.

Sarina Arora

No, you’re not. You’d miss us too much.

Kavi Case

All we’re saying is that MAYBE the universe is bringing you guys together for a reason.

Piper Menon

That, or Patton’s got plans up his sleeve. thinking emoji. I’ve known the dude almost as long as Nisha, and let me tell you, he didn’t “coincidentally” get stuck shooting a movie in San Jose.

Mala Meyer

Wait. No! Are you serious? You think this is all intentional on his part??

Piper Menon

Intentional or eventual? shrug emoji I guess only time will tell.

Sarina Arora

I guess with him working around here, you won’t have to secretly stalk him online anymore, sis.

Nisha Arora

Traitor. Goodbye, everyone.

Piper Menon

No! Don’t go! We’re just kidding, Nish. Let’s change the subject. @Sarina Arora, don’t even think for a second that I didn’t notice you and Troy sneak out early last night. It was his retirement party! I was expecting a speech!

Sarina Arora

The man was running on empty after the game.

Piper Menon

Guarantee there was SOMETHING that wasn’t running on empty last night. eggplant emoji peach emoji

Bella Meyer

When are you and Rome moving in with him and Pearl? Bet the kids are just as excited as you both.

Sarina Arora

This weekend. You guys, he even decorated Rome’s room to look like a spaceship inside. It’s so cute. Rome wanted his room to be next to Pearl’s so he could “make sure to keep the monsters away”.

Rani Meyer

That’s adorable.

Piper Menon

We’re living in some exciting times, aren’t we? Troy and Sarina are merging families, and Nisha might be secretly plotting to murder—or fuck—her ex-husband. Who needs TV when I’ve got this friend group?

Nisha Arora

Last I checked, “murder” and “fuck” were not synonyms.

Mala Meyer

Oh, look who’s back!

Piper Menon

Honey, let’s be clear . . . the first time you fuck Patton—again—it’ll be as violent as a murder.

Nisha Arora

Ugh, why did I chime in again? Goodbye for real!

[ Nisha Arora has left the chat]

[ Piper Menon has added Nisha Arora to the chat]

Piper Menon

Nice try, bestie. Unfortunately, once you’re stuck in this clam’s jam, you’re stuck for life.

Kavi Case

I’ve lost the plot. Are we talking about a Venus flytrap, this chat, or Piper’s vagina?

Sarina Arora

Yes.