Page 32

Thea

“The final rose of the night goes to someone who’s shown resilience and tenacity during these dates. I’ve appreciated all the support, so—”

“Can we talk, Thea?”

I closed my eyes, grimacing because I was happy my brother had finally come to talk to me, but damn, did he know how to ruin the moment. I was so invested in The Baseball Bachelor.

Slowly, I pushed myself up from the couch, offering my brother a small smile as he stood in the kitchen. For a moment, everything felt normal. But then, that insidious feeling crept back in—the one Jackson had the rare ability to make me forget.

I’m not good enough. I fuck up everything.

“Hey, Tan Tan,” I said solemnly. “Of course.” He looked as haggard and distressed as last night, and I hated that I was the reason for it. My brother and I didn’t fight. He never made me feel little or small or anything less than the perfect sister. Today was different. Today I felt like a failure, and it didn’t matter how many times Jackson told me I wasn’t, it was burning in the back of my head that I’d done something wrong and I’d yet again ruined my brother’s happiness.

Why did it always happen? Was it because I was jealous and looking for ways to subconsciously make it about me? Maybe somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I knew I’d never be as good as Tanner, so I’d compensate by doing things to make people forget about him. It pained me to think about. I loved my brother, but I wasn’t sure I loved myself. Not yet, at least. Jackson was helping me feel things about myself I didn’t think possible.

Tanner made his way through the kitchen and sat on the end of the couch close to my feet. He relaxed his elbows on his knees, pretending to watch a show I knew he hated.

“Have you spoken to Mom and Dad?” he asked, his hands clasped together.

“Yeah,” I said faintly, not enjoying that memory. “They were obviously pissed off.”

“Not surprising.”

“They were more worried about my health and asked if they could come up to visit. I told them I’d stay with them for a while after the draft. You deserve all the support leading up to it.”

I swallowed against the nerves rising in my throat, unsure how he’d take that.

Tanner didn’t flinch, just let out a quiet “Mhm” in response.

So humble. So focused on protecting my feelings that he wouldn’t even acknowledge his own.

I reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. “You really do, Tanner.”

His gaze flicked toward me, unreadable.

“You’ve spent so much of your life looking out for me, trying to shield me from the inevitable. And I love you for that.” My throat tightened, but I pushed through. “But I also want you to celebrate your own incredible accomplishments. You went from being a high school star, to nearly failing out of college, to standing on the brink of the biggest moment of your life.”

I squeezed his hand again, forcing him to hear me.

“You’re incredible, Tanner. And I am so damn proud of you.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled.

I knew I wouldn’t get much more out of him, but that didn’t stop me from trying.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I don’t mean to be a klutz, or draw attention to myself, or—well, exist in the most inconvenient ways possible. It’s just this thing about me, like an unwilling trait I seem to have. I could be in an empty room, trip over nothing, and somehow manage to knock over a lamp that wasn’t even in the same zip code.”

I sighed, rubbing my temples. “I swear, sometimes I think the universe just likes screwing with me.”

Tanner didn’t acknowledge my rambling, didn’t even crack a smile. Instead, he exhaled, his voice softer when he finally spoke.

“I just want you to be happy, sis.” His eyes stayed forward, like he was afraid to look at me. “Sometimes, I don’t think you are. And it worries me.”

That made me pause.

“It shouldn’t,” I said, giving his arm a gentle nudge. “My happiness is my responsibility, Tan Tan, just like yours is yours. You’d never let me ask about yours. But then again, you never let me worry about you at all, do you?”

I searched his face, watching the tension in his jaw and the way his fingers tapped against his leg like he was holding something back.

“Are you happy?”

That question finally made him look at me. His brows furrowed, lips parting like he wasn’t sure how to answer.

“I think so,” he said after a beat.

I tilted my head, unconvinced. “You sure? Because sometimes when I look at you, I’m not.”

He hesitated, then sighed. “I love Aster, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I know that,” I said, holding his gaze. “I just wonder if maybe you’re a little stressed because all of those dreams you’ve had since you were five years old are one week away from coming true.”

His teeth sank into his bottom lip—a dead giveaway that I was right on track.

“Maybe that’s part of it. I’ve been working my entire life toward this goal, and now that it’s here, I feel underprepared. Almost like I faked my way into it.” He let out a low laugh. “Kind of like how I faked my way into a real relationship with Aster.”

“And look how well that turned out for you.”

“Yeah, turned out great. A rushed accidental proposal and a long, awkward conversation about when we’d truly be ready for marriage.”

I nudged my brother’s ribs with my foot, wiggling my toes right where I knew he was ticklish. He smiled, swatting my leg away with a gentle push.

“Come on, Tan Tan. You forget your girlfriend is also one of my best friends. That’s not how it went down, and this little pity party? Not a good look on you.”

“Funny,” he mused, shaking his head. “Never thought I’d be saying your boyfriend is one of my best friends too.”

Hearing him refer to Jackson as his friend after everything that happened yesterday made something warm settle in my chest.

“Honestly, I didn’t think so either. Especially with that jackass,” I teased.

Tanner smirked, but his expression softened. “So you really like him?”

I took a sharp breath and nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

“Have you always liked him?” His voice was open, curious—no judgment. I knew him better than that. He just wanted to understand.

“I think so.” I exhaled slowly. “I guess that’s why I was always so hard on him. It was easier to push him away than to admit what I really felt. Hating him was simpler than facing the fact that I might have actually liked him.”

“I knew it,” he muttered, shaking his head.

I narrowed my eyes. “Knew what?”

“That you liked him. I saw it the minute I walked in and found you talking to him at Aiden’s place.”

“Oh, and yet you acted so surprised yesterday.”

“No, I wasn’t surprised,” he admitted. “I was pissed that all of this happened and I didn’t know about it. Was I apprehensive about you and Jackson? Sure. You’ve been arguing like cats and dogs for the last year. But I get it now. I just really wish it hadn’t happened after a damn car wreck.”

“Yeah,” I drawled out, unsure what to say. “I’m sorry about that.”

Tanner let out a breath, then looked at me, his expression sincere. “I’m happy for you, sis. Even if I didn’t like how I found out. I’m glad you’re happy.”

I blinked at him, my brows furrowing. “Wait. You’re happy for me? But last night, you could barely look at me. And you called Jackson every name in the book.”

He eased out an awkward smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, it wasn’t my finest hour. I overreacted because I didn’t know what happened. When I saw my sister in a hospital bed and my best friend taking accountability for it, it brought back some bad memories. All I could think was I’d fucked up again. Something major had happened to you and I was too caught up in my own issues to protect you.”

“It’s not your job to protect me.”

“No, but it is my job to protect you from my idiot friends.”

“Jackson’s not a—” I didn’t finish that sentence because we both knew Jackson had a tendency to act like an idiot even if he wasn’t one.

“He’s my best friend, and if you’re happy with him, well, then I can be happy for the two of you. Jackson’s a great guy when he wants to be, and he wants to be one with you.”

“So, you approve?”

He shrugged. “It’s not my place to approve or not. You can make your own decisions, and I’m happy there’s going to be someone here who cares for you as much as I do after I leave.”

“Thanks.” I took in his words, surprised he was being so reasonable.

“Jackson’s a good guy. He works hard and he tries his best with things he’s passionate about. I hope that’s you, and I hope you get what you want out of this relationship.”

“I will.”

It took me a while to shift enough so I was sitting up and close enough to Tanner when I said, “I’m sorry that I’ve always made you think I need saving or that I don’t appreciate it. You’ve done more for me than anybody in this world, and I never wanted to hurt you or make you feel like I was going behind your back. It’s just when you came in and you were upset about Aster I didn’t want to flaunt my new relationship in front of you.”

He nodded, clasping his hands together and stretching his fingers before meeting my eyes. “I get that, Thea, but I need you to know something. I have never thought of you as a screwup. I love you, and the only reason I worry is because I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

I dropped my gaze, kicking at the ground, avoiding the weight of a conversation Tanner and I had so carefully avoided for years.

The night he found me.

The night I sat there sobbing so hard I could barely breathe, convinced I was going to jail for everything I had done.

It was the first time I didn’t feel untouchable.

For the first time, I wasn’t invincible—I was wrecked. A broken doll, lost, with no idea where to go or what to do.

I had locked myself in the bathroom, crying into my hands, thinking no one would hear me.

Too bad I forgot our bathroom was connected.

Tanner did hear me.

And when he pushed the door open, he found me trembling, wide-eyed and terrified, my fear written all over my face.

He was the one to haul me into his arms, hold me, and tell me everything would be okay. Much like Jackson did for me last night.

“Tanner.” His name felt heavy on my tongue. “I appreciate all your help, I really do. I wouldn’t be here studying at Covey if it wasn’t for you. You have changed my life in so many ways. I know I changed yours. But we both have to admit I haven’t changed it for the better at times. I’ve made things harder, and for once in my life, I want to make things easier. I want to help make your transition to the draft and your new team—”

“Potential new team. Anything could happen.”

“You’re going to be drafted, Tan Tan. That’s not the point, though. The point was I wanted to make the transition less stressful.”

“Knowing that you are safe is more than enough. The fact that you’re dating Jackson, as much as I hate to admit it, makes me feel good.”

My heart ballooned with something I’d never felt before. A sense of calm washed over me, and I wanted to smile, but I wanted to make sure Tanner knew how serious I was taking it.

He raised his hand, looking at me sternly. “However, that doesn’t mean I want to be here watching it. After everything you put me through, it will just annoy me.”

My mouth dropped open as I glared at my brother in shock. “What are you talking about? Everything we you put you through?”

“Please, Thea. Don’t pretend that you didn’t enjoy all of your sparring matches with Jackson over the last two years. My head’s been hurting, and I need a break.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’m going to stay with Aster for the next couple of weeks until I hopefully move to North Carolina.”

“What?”

“You heard me. I’m happy for you, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna sit here and watch you guys get along. Frankly, I don’t know what’s worse, you hating each other or you liking each other.”

I nodded. “I get it I don’t want to be the person who brings you down anymore, T.”

“I already told you, you aren’t.”

“So, are we good?” I looked at my brother earnestly, hoping and praying that he would feel the same way I did.

He rolled his neck to look at me and gave me a little smile. “Did you ever think I could stay angry with you?”

“Well, you haven’t before, but you never know.” I shrugged. “And you do still owe me for kicking me out of the womb first.”

He rolled his eyes, pulling me into a hug.

I winced at the move. “Hey, Tanner, I still have a concussion, and my shoulder is killing me.”

“Oh, really? I’m sure you’ll survive.”

“T.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“For?” Tanner pulled away, looking at me inquisitively.

“Being the absolute best brother I could’ve asked for this world.”

“Thank you for being my best friend.”

He held his hand out and smiled, and I was happy things started to feel right with the world again.