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Leo

My head has an anvil on it. I lift my arm to check, but it gets tangled up in wires and that sets off loud beeping.

I’m in a hospital bed surrounded by monitors and an ugly curtain that looks like a thick hospital gown.

From the few feet in the opening, I can see four curtained rooms across the hall from mine.

“Hi, I’m your nurse, Melissa. Please refrain from talking. We’ve provided you with a communication board.” Melissa has a kind smile and a soft voice. “Spell your first name for me.”

I find the letters in my first name. And do the same for my last name when she asks. When she asks where I am, I point to the picture of a hospital.

“You’re doing great.”

She asks several more questions, which I believe I answer correctly, and then she explains the surgery I had.

“We don’t allow visitors back here, but family members are allowed to check in on you for a brief moment.

Once you’re in your room, they’ll be able to visit.

” She steps around the curtain. “I’ll be right back. ”

The only family I have close enough to visit is Mason. There are so many unsaid things between us, and I can’t talk.

“Leo,” Caleb cries and rushes to me, throwing himself on my torso for a hug. My hands thread through his hair, and I try to sit to curl around him.

“I’m sorry but—”

“Melissa, can I speak to you for a moment?” a doctor asks from the opening in the curtain. Ari stands next to him.

“Of course.” She turns to us. “Don’t sit up, and your…family member has to be gentle.” She bites her lip, and Ari pulls the curtain closed with them on the other side when she walks out.

“I love you so much, Leo. I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. Can you forgive me?” Tears stream down his face. For the first time in days, my heart has hope.

After I wipe his tears, I point to the communication board he’s lying on.

“Sorry,” he says with a watery laugh.

I spell out I love you, and Caleb hiccups, trying to hold in a sob. The fear of losing him evaporates, and my body sinks into the bed, knowing we’re going to be okay.

Our private time is over, and the doctor comes in to explain I’ll be moving to a post-surgical floor where they will monitor my pain, swelling, breathing, and the ability to drink liquids before I’m released.

The doctor gives nurse Melissa some instructions and tells Caleb and Ari they can visit me again in my room later.

Caleb kisses my hand, and my heart walks out with him.

Melissa is talking, but I can’t hear her over the pain and my thoughts. I’m certain of a future with Caleb, but I underestimated the rage of my son. My eyelids get heavy.

When I wake up, I’m in a standard hospital room and Caleb sits in a plastic chair, his head on the bed by my shins, sleeping.

It’s light outside, so my sweet boy must’ve spent the night here. I’m surprised they allowed it. On the bedside table, there’s a pitcher of water, a plastic cup with a straw, and the communication board. I forgot to ask how long it will be before I can speak.

My mouth tastes like someone died in it, so I reach for the cup, hoping there’s water in it. When I move, Caleb pops up.

“I’m here. I’m awake. You’re awake. I’m here.” He rubs sleep out of his eyes. “Let me get that for you.” He stands and pours water into the cup and guides the straw to my mouth.

Sucking in hurts, and the pain startles me so the water drips down my chin.

“Aww, this is preparing me for years down the road when I have to take care of my drooling hus…man.” His voice went from teasing to panic.

If I could talk, I’d tell him not to worry about referring to me as his husband. Marriage is on the table. Before I can reach for the communication board, a nurse comes in to take my vitals.

Caleb grabs a new tablet off my table. “I’m dragging you into the twenty-first century. None of this old school mat board.” He sets the tablet on my bedside table.

“Lovie, I’m going to need your login info to set this up for you.” Caleb waits, fingers poised to type.

My heart skips a beat when he calls me Lovie, claiming me as his in front of the nurse. I motion for him to give it to me, and he leans in next to me as I enter my information. I learn by doing, otherwise I won’t remember.

Once it’s set, he downloads a couple of things. “These apps are type-to-voice so you can talk. And they have different voices.” He smirks and shows me the icon for one. “Let’s hear this.” Caleb bites his lip as he types.

A hospital gown has never looked so sexy , says the tablet in a British accent.

I’m reduced to rolling my eyes, but I really want to kiss him. He shows me how to use it for a while, but then gets serious.

“I won’t hold you to anything.” He takes my hand and rubs his thumb along my wrist. “I will never ask you to choose between me and Mason. If he can’t accept us and you change your mind, I’ll understand.”

Reflexively, I clench my jaw, and the pain overwhelms me. I dismiss his concern and grab the tablet to type. I’m not choosing. I love both of you.

He kisses my hand and changes the subject, talking until my eyes droop. No amount of determination can keep me awake.

It’s dark when I open my eyes, except for the glow of the lines on my machines. Someone closed the shade, blocking the city lights. Movement startles me.

“Hey, Dad, you awake?” Mason drags a chair closer to my bed.

The tablet’s within reach, so I ask him to turn on the light.

“That’s cool. They really hooked you up.” Mason flicks the light on, and I don’t correct his assumption that the hospital provided the tablet. I’m so thankful to have a voice to communicate with him.

I type in, Thanks for coming .

Mason flops in the chair and leans forward to rest his forehead on his arms on the side of my bed. “I’m so sorry. I hit you on purpose, but I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’d never try to do this.” He flings his arm, gesturing at my face.

The tablet says, I know. Him taking responsibility makes me optimistic for a reconciliation.

He jerks back. “What?”

There’s a pause between typing and the voice. You haven’t shot that wide on goal since you were seven.

“Fuck.” Mason sits up and scrubs a hand over his face. “I don’t know what came over me. I saw you walking toward Caleb, and it felt like you were replacing me. It doesn’t make sense, and it’s not an excuse.”

You’re my son. I will always love you, no matter who else is in my life. The tablet makes this easier, but it can’t convey my emotions.

“I know that, but I didn’t feel it. Caleb and I had a fight that turned into a good talk.

He wasn’t going to leave me alone with you at first.” Mason sighs, and I raise an eyebrow for him to continue.

“I was going to be mad no matter how I found out, but the visual and thinking about the two of you…” He trails off and shudders.

I’m sorry you found out that way. I understand you’re shocked and angry. I reach out, and he takes my hand.

“Dad, I fucked up so bad.” His voice cracks. “This is so hard, and on top of it, I might be fired.” His sorrow is palpable, but I forgave him before he came to see me.

The room’s quiet with the soft beeps from my machine and the tapping on the tablet.

Do you want to talk about Caleb or hockey? The voice now has a southern accent per Caleb’s tutoring session.

“Seriously?” Mason huffs. “Figures Caleb would give you a sense of humor.” His half smile is as encouraging as his understanding of who taught me to use this machine.

Mason sits back, letting his arms dangle and tipping his head to stare at the ceiling.

“I just lost it. Caleb never tried to meet you or asked about you. He was the one constant person in my life who was mine. It wasn’t right, but I felt betrayed. By both of you.”

I change the tablet back to a normal voice. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and didn’t protect you from people trying to use you.

“Other people’s intentions aren’t your fault. But I don’t understand, why him?” His eyes are full of pain when they meet mine.

I tried to ignore my attraction to him and the way we understood each other.

I choose the words I type carefully. But he took me by storm.

He’s all positive energy and appreciates things in the moment.

I’ve always been worried about what people think and didn’t know how to enjoy life.

He’s changed my outlook for the better and gives me a new perspective.

Mason, I don’t want to hurt you, but I love Caleb.

He wipes his eyes of unshed tears. “Promise me you won’t forget about me.”

You have every reason to doubt me, but I promise to stay involved in your life, and I won’t take Caleb away from you. If I’d been a better father, he wouldn’t be worried.

“I overheard Caleb say he won’t make you choose. It’s going to take getting used to, but I’ll figure it out. I won’t be the asshole who comes between you two.”

Thank you, son.

Mason stands, and I think he’s going to leave, but he paces the length of the room.

“I have to meet Ari Dimon in the morning and convince him not to trade me. He told me after the game he was ready to fire me on the spot. No trade. Nothing. Attacking a staff member and intentionally letting a defender score a goal falls under the vague language in our morality clause. I don’t have a defense because he’s right.

Caleb called me out for hitting you on purpose, and I was embarrassed and furious and stupidly didn’t do my job on defense. ”

Do you want my advice? We are still on shaky ground, and I shouldn’t presume.

“Yes.” He grips the rail of the bed, his knuckles turning white.

Own up to your mistakes. Don’t lie or make excuses, and ask for forgiveness. Ari’s a fair man. If he wasn’t, he’d have let you go already. He needed to cool down and give you time to reflect. Would you want a trade? I roll my shoulders and flex my fingers to release some tension.

Mason shields his eyes. “I definitely don’t want to see evidence of your sex life, but a trade would suck.”

Air inflates my lungs, and I’m lightheaded with relief.

Tell him that. When Mason agrees, I nod out of reflex, and the sharp pain causes a whine to escape.

“Shit, Dad, are you okay?” Mason rushes to my side.

I close my eyes and process the pain. When it recedes, I type, I’m proud of you for taking responsibility. I plan to prove my love for you . The app speaks for me.

The nurse comes in and warns him visiting hours are over, but I’ll be discharged in the morning.

I text Caleb the good news.

Baby Doll: I’ll come get you heart emoji

I send a heart back, counting the hours I’ll get to see him before he has to leave.