Page 27

Leo

This has been the best time off I can remember in at least a decade. Spending time with Caleb and Mason has been remarkable.

“Should I throw another log on the fire?” Mr. Benz asks as he turns the log over, exposing the red embers on the underside.

“One more,” Caleb encourages his dad, and I’m slightly disappointed.

My empty hands can’t wait to be full of him and show him how much his answer meant to me.

The day after losing The Cup, I was at my lowest and it started my path to retirement, which sent me into a slight depression.

But that day meant so much to both Caleb and Mason.

His mom brings in a tray of cookies and dessert, offering them until we take something, but she skips Caleb.

“There’s some for you in the kitchen if you want them, Little Bear,” she calls over her shoulder as she takes the platter back to the kitchen.

“Nah, I’m good.” He stretches.

She takes one look at my face when she comes back and her hand flies to her mouth, suppressing a laugh.

“I know it seems like I’m playing the role of overbearing mom, but Caleb’s never been able to eat lots of processed sugar.

He rebelled as a teen but figured out quickly that it was in his best interest.” She sits next to her husband on the couch.

“Really?” I smile, thinking of Caleb being a bratty teen.

“Mom,” Caleb gripes.

“I can’t imagine Caleb as a brat,” I bait and smirk at him, but he gives me a look of defeat.

“Oh, it was terrible. He bounced off the walls, and the teachers didn’t know what to do with him. They suggested medicating him, and he wanted pills instead of giving up sugar. You know, at a young age, they all just want to fit in.” She waves her hand, and all her bracelets clink together.

“Mom!” Caleb pleads.

“It’s nothing you should be ashamed of.” She turns to me.

“But when he was on the medication, he wasn’t Caleb.

After a year, he went off the meds, cut out sugar, and did an elimination diet to find the things that triggered him.

And after all his focus issues, he became a pro hockey player.

He overcame so much.” She stares at him lovingly, but Caleb’s bright red and won’t look at any of us.

It makes the comment I made about him needing to be medicated so much worse. I didn’t know about his history, but it was insensitive and a terrible thing to say to someone.

“It worked out in the end, eh,” I say, but Caleb doesn’t move or say anything.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, his mom gets up and bends down to speak in his ear. He bows his head and draws his knees up.

“I’m sorry, Little Bear.” She kisses the top of his head. “I’m going to bed. We’ll have Christmas breakfast at nine, then open presents. Good night.”

As soon as she’s out of sight, Caleb leaps up and takes the stairs two at a time. We hear the forceful shut of a door.

Mr. Benz sighs and spreads the fire out, poking at the embers, then covers them in sand. “He’s sensitive about that, and my wife thinks if she talks about it, he’ll stop being embarrassed. The fire is all set for the night.” He lumbers up the stairs after saying good night.

“How are you feeling?” I ask Mason.

“I think I’m going to live. It’s karma for thinking Drake was being dramatic when he got sick in Germany, and I’m not nearly as sick as he was. It sucks ass.” His head lolls to the side.

He says it like sucking ass would be an unpleasant experience, and I figure it’s time to confess I’m bisexual. “Can you take a dose of truth from your dad?”

“If it’s about my childhood or toughness, no.”

“It’s about me and sucking ass,” I hedge, trying to make light of my truth for his sake.

He sits up, confusion written all over his face.

“There’s not exactly a right time to tell you this, but I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while.

I haven’t told many people. Only three, to be exact.

This seems as good a time as any for a confession.

” I rub my chest, and Mason leans forward, waving his hand for me to get to the point. “I’m bisexual.”

His mouth drops open. “Does Mom know? Is that why…”

I hold up my hands. “Yes, she knows and no, that’s not why. She was young and not ready to be a single mom while I traveled the country following my dream. I didn’t give either of you the attention you deserved.”

“It’s okay, Dad.”

“No, it’s not. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have worked such long hours and done that public speaking tour. You needed me, and I abandoned you.” I’m grateful Mason found a family to provide the love and attention I failed to give him. It doesn’t make up for my neglect, but at least he wasn’t alone.

“That’s harsh. You didn’t abandon me.” His face holds so much pain.

“I’m sorry I didn’t understand.” We sit in silence for a minute, absorbing the enormity of the conversation.

“Why are you telling me now? Are you dating someone?” he asks.

“Would it bother you if I was?” It’s too soon, and I won’t risk my relationship with Caleb or Mason.

“You’re my dad. It would be weird if you were dating either a man or a woman.”

This confuses me. “Your mom dates.”

“Yeah, but she’s Mom. She needs someone in her life because she hates to be on her own. You’re independent. You don’t need anyone, so it would be strange. Not that I would be upset, but it would take some getting used to.”

What’s strange is seeing us through Mason’s eyes. Hearing how he views us brings our flaws to the forefront. I never thought of myself as a loner, but I’ve never sought out a relationship. That takes work I selfishly didn’t want to put in. I don’t like what that says about me.

“There’s a person I’m interested in, and if we become serious, I’ll tell you.” I have to be sure of myself and Caleb before we tell anyone.

“Cool. I’m tired. All this lying around and talking is exhausting.” He lets out a weak laugh. “Anyway, if you ever do date, don’t let me stop you. You deserve to be happy.” He stands, and I follow him to the stairs.

“Thanks, son.” After he reaches the top, I check the fire and turn off all the lights. Mason has a big heart, and I’m cautiously hopeful that if Caleb and I take the next step in our relationship, he’ll understand.

In our room, Caleb’s pretending to be asleep.

He gives himself away by the slightest of head turns as I move around the room.

I get under my bedcovers, lying on my side to face him, and I’m compelled to lift his mood and express my gratitude.

The shade’s wide open, letting in the moonlight and casting the room in a soft glow.

“I don’t deserve your high opinion of me.

I was prepared for you to talk about a great save, or a pivotal game, or an inspirational speech I gave.

You’re so insightful and see past the surface.

Thank you,” I say low and sincere, knowing he’ll understand I’m talking about why he looked up to me as a player.

He opens his eyes and swallows hard. “You’re welcome. I was just being honest.”

“That’s the most incredible part. You turned a day of failure into a day of triumph.

I should’ve seen it sooner, but I’d been so sure I’d arrive at the hospital a Cup winner and all the kids would cheer and be awed.

In reality, most didn’t know who I was and didn’t care about hockey.

They were grateful for my time and attention.

If I had learned that lesson back then, my relationship with Mason would be much different.

” It’s heartbreaking to be celebrated and adored as a hockey player and be a failure to my family.

Caleb tucks his hands under his head, rolling to mimic my position. “He’s only ever wanted you to be proud of him. He hasn’t complained about you in weeks.”

I bark out a soft laugh. “I don’t think you’re capable of lying. You’re the best and worst thing for my ego,” I say, and watch him blush.

He flops back, staring up at the ceiling. “You must think I’m a total mess after what my mom said.”

When I pause, he groans. “No, not at all, but I’m afraid of saying something you think is insincere.

” I continue when he glances at me. “I thoughtlessly made a comment about medication. That is a reflection of my character, not yours. It’s brave to admit you’ve made a mistake and work your hardest to fix it.

I’ve never had to give up something I enjoy, and I imagine it’s a struggle you face daily. I admire you.”

Caleb turns his head, and his round eyes slowly blink as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “I figured what my mom said would prove you right, and you’d feel vindicated.”

Throwing the covers off, I kneel in the space between the beds.

“I wish you could see yourself the way I do. You’re wise beyond your years, but full of enthusiasm and zest for life.

When I’m with you, I experience life on an entirely different level and appreciate the small things.

” I rest my palm over his heart, and he places both his hands over mine.

My Good Boy is at a loss for words.

“Get some sleep. Big day tomorrow. You can’t be awake or Santa bypasses your house,” I joke.

“Okay.” He rises, and I meet him for a quick kiss that turns needy.

Caleb sinks into the mattress, and I climb on top of him, ravishing his mouth.

I’m careful not to grind our erections together.

This kiss is to show him comfort and acceptance, not lust. Slowing down the pace, I rain kisses across his jaw and over his pulse.

Groaning, I sit up and back away, placing one last closed-mouth kiss on his lips.

“I hope you like the present I got for you.” He clutches my hand.

“I will,” I assure him. I’m not one to share my space, but I regret that the beds aren’t large enough for us to sleep together. Not for sex, but to have him in my arms all night long. We are on borrowed time. I can’t imagine Caleb being satisfied with someone twice his age.

What we shared isn’t enough to slake my need for him. I realize, too late, how deep I’m in over my head, and my feelings are on a runaway train.