Page 5

Lizzie—

The doorbell rings, rousing me from my sleep. Nabbing my phone off the nightstand, I squint at the time. It’s noon. Oh my God. Who is at my door?

The bell rings again.

Fucking hell. I put the pillow over my head. A minute later, my phone rings.

“Goddamn it!” I sit up, about to chuck it against the wall, when I realize it’s my mother-in-law. Rolling my eyes, I drag myself out of bed and trudge to the front door in my leggings and Matt’s t-shirt. I barely manage to drag a hand through my bedhead hair.

When I swing my door open, my appearance takes Beverly by such surprise, she actually steps back, lowering her phone.

“Dear, what did you do to your hair?”

Leaving the door open, I turn and plod toward the kitchen. “I cut it. Do you want some coffee?”

The door closes behind me. “Look at this place. Oh, Lizzie. Let me call a cleaning company to come in and help you, honey.”

“I’m fine. I don’t want any strangers coming in here.” Grabbing a mug, I make myself a cup of coffee, then turn and lean against the counter and take a long sip of the steaming nectar of the gods.

Beverly is busy picking up discarded items of clothing and folding them. She looks around like she doesn’t know where to start, then sits on the couch, a sweater in her lap, and stares at me.

“Lizzie, baby. You need to talk to someone. A therapist or—”

“Please don’t start. I’m fine.”

“Honey, you are not fine.”

“What was the reason you came over?” I ask shortly.

“I thought maybe I’d help you go through some of Matt’s things.”

I shake my head. “No, not today.”

“You have to do it, eventually. Maybe it would help.”

“I don’t want to do it today, Beverly. Maybe… maybe next week, okay?”

“All right. The um, fire department is installing a plaque in memoriam of Matt at the end of the month. They said they’ve sent you letters and left messages, but you haven’t responded. They really want you to be there.”

“I don’t know. I’ll have to think about it.” I glance up at her. “But you should go.”

She nods. “I won’t bother you about it.”

I know that’s a big fat lie. She’ll be back until I cave and go with her.

The bell rings again. Jesus, it’s Grand Central Station around here. I stalk to the door, pissed that people won’t just leave me alone, only to find my own mother standing there. For a moment, I can’t help wondering if this was planned, like some kind of intervention.

“Oh, good Lord. Elizabeth, what have you done to your beautiful hair?”

“Come on in, Mother. Join the party.” I return to the kitchen. “Want some coffee?”

“Oh, Beverly. Good to see you,” my mother murmurs. “How are you doing?”

“As well as can be expected, I suppose,” Matt’s mother replies.

I sip my coffee and watch my mother in the other room, eyeing my mess with critical reproach. “Elizabeth, I know you’re grieving, but this can’t go on. You have got to start taking care of yourself.”

“I’m fine, Mother.”

“Oh, really? Look around.”

At this, Beverly stands. “I really should be going.”

“Don’t you want to stay and watch my mother chew me out?” I snap.

“Elizabeth!” my mother hisses. “You apologize right now.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that, Bev. I’m just so tired.”

Beverly comes over and hugs me. “I understand, dear. Please call me if you need me. I, um, well, I’ll tell the fire department we’ll let them know about the other, okay?”

“Sure,” I mutter and see her to the door. Once she’s gone, my mother starts in again.

“I’ll make an appointment at my hairdresser. Hopefully, she can fix that catastrophe of a hairdo.”

“I like it the way it is, mother.”

“You bleached it practically white.” She flings a hand toward my head. “And you cut off all your curls.”

“It’s how I want it.”

“But you had such beautiful hair, darling.”

“This is the new me.”

“The new you? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not being ridiculous.” I rub my neck. “What did you want, Mother?”

“I came to take you to lunch.”

“I don’t feel like going out.”

“You haven’t been out of this house in months. It’s gone on long enough, Elizabeth. It’s time you shake off this depression, pack up Matt’s things, and move on.”

“I’ll do that when I’m ready.”

“You need to get back out there, darling. It’s time to get back on the horse.”

I huff a laugh. “You know nothing of what I’m going through, Mother, if you think I can just shake it off and move on—”

“Of course you can, if you try. Maybe you need to join a club or something.” She taps her finger over her lips. “I know. There’s a Singles Cruise out of San Diego. We could book you a trip.”

“I’m not taking a singles cruise. Just stop it.”

“You can’t sleep your life away, Elizabeth. You’re thirty-two, and I want grandchildren. Your biological clock is ticking. You can’t afford to waste time.”

“Mother!”

“Okay, I said it. Someone needs to. Yes, you loved Matt. We all did. But he’s dead now, Lizzie. And no amount of tears is going to bring him back to you. That part of your life is over. You have to make a new life now.”

“I am. Starting with my hair.”

“That’s horrid, but nothing the salon can’t fix.”

“Maybe I don’t want to fix it. This is me now.”

“Oh, sweetie. Go get dressed, and let your mother deal with everything, okay?”

The last thing I want to do is go to lunch with my mother, but the woman doesn’t take no for an answer, so I’ll let her feed me, but one thing is for sure, I am not going to a salon.

I slam my bedroom door and flip through hangers in my closet, looking for a presentable blouse that isn’t wrinkled. God, why is everything I own so girly and happy? My clothing is like a rainbow, and I don’t feel like any of these colors. I want black. Unfortunately, I barely have anything in that color.

I end up settling for a charcoal gray turtleneck sweater and a pair of black slacks. Knowing my mother, that won’t be good enough, so I add a silver cuff bracelet and earrings.

With a swipe of mascara, I’m ready.

My mother turns when I emerge from the bedroom. “You look nice, Elizabeth. Now don’t you feel better?”

I roll my eyes. “Let’s just get this over with.”

She comes to me and takes both my hands in hers. “You know, sweetheart, I loved Matt, too. We all did. And I know you’re in so much emotional pain. Why, I can’t imagine if I lost your father. Do you know how this breaks my heart for you?”

She searches my eyes, and I feel my own flood. I can take anything but sympathy right now. “Mom…” The word is barely a whisper on my trembling lips.

“Oh, honey.” She gathers me in her arms. “Matt wouldn’t want you to turn into this shell of a person. He would want you to live every day of your life to the fullest. He would want you to be happy.”

“How do I be happy ever again?”

“I know it’s hard, but you have to try. You have to find one thing in each day to smile about. And you’re not going to find it hiding in this house.”

“It’s so hard, Mom.” I break down in sobs.

“I know, honey. I know.” She rubs my back. “Baby steps. Today, we’ll just go get some food.”

“No salon.”

“Okay, no salon.” She releases me and cups my face. “I love you, Elizabeth. You’re my everything, and I can’t bear to see you unhappy.” Her gaze flicks toward my hair. “And if this makes you happy, then I’ll get used to it.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too.” She hooks an arm through mine. “How about a big fat juicy cheeseburger?”