Page 67

“Good morning, Sweet Girl,” I say as I knock on her door and push the door open.

The warm scent of vanilla and cotton candy greets me as I push the door wider, “Is there enough room for me to snuggle next to you and read too?” I have my pillow tucked under my arm and wave my book in the air.

Her eyes light up, sitting back on her heels, she pushes her curly hair out of her face with her forearm.

“I love snuggles! You can lay this way,” showing me the side she wants me on.

“And me and Trixie will lay this way.” I place my pillow by the headboard as directed and she adjusts her pillow, while Trixie sits perched on her own throw pillow. Like the royalty stuffie that she is.

We’ve settled into our spots on her unmade bed from the night before, I hear a tiny gasp of shock from her. Sadie is reading an Amelia Bedelia book. She shifts to lean on her side, she looks at me with a look of disgust.

“Dayna–Amelia Bedelia’s daddy pranked her mommy! He put SALT in the sugar bowl and her mommy’s coffee was ruined!” She sets the book down like she needs a break to gather herself. I lay my book open on my chest, I’m not even reading it, I’ve been listening to her analyzing the story as she reads .

“No–he did not. Ew!” I replied with full enthusiasm.

“He did so!” She shoots back. “Daddy would never do that to you. You guys love your coffee stuff like, a lot! ” She says with her arms stretched out as wide as she could. “Her mommy shrieked! I know mine will too.” She says more to herself than to me.

“Yeah, that would not have been fun.” I say, adjusting the throw blanket over us.

“Then Daddy will have to make you a new one.”

It takes me a minute to understand, she meant me…before I could respond she asked another question.

“Why was Daddy sad?”

Putting my book down and sitting up on my elbows to face her.

“What do you mean, Sweet Girl?” She picks up her book and puts it on her chest mimicking the way I’m laying down now.

“Yeah, he came in here to tell me he was going to Target , his eyes looked sad.” She says as she lays back down picking up her book, not really expecting an answer. More like she was just stating a fact.

A ping in my chest slices through me. He’s been so strong for me–for us.

Trying to conceive isn’t an easy journey, and I never expected it to happen overnight.

But Luke…he’s walked this path before and it worked right away.

While I don’t hold that against him–not even a little–it’s hard not to think about how that shaped his expectations.

Not because he’s comparing, but because he’s seen it happen before. Quickly. Simply. Hopefully.

This– us –has been slower. More uncertain.

Each month carrying a little more weight than the last. I think he’s been holding that weight quietly, trying not to let it show.

But I see it now, in the way his shoulders dropped on his way out the door.

He’s not revisiting history–he’s walking a new one.

For the first time, it’s not easy. But we’re in it together.

“Dayna?

“Sadie?”

“Does it hurt you that my daddy misses my mommy?”

I sit up slowly, turning to her. The question lands softly, but it hums with something deeper.

She’s not trying to compare or worry– she’s just trying to understand the people she loves.

My Sweet Girl, always noticing more than she lets on.

She’s not asking out of fear but out of care.

Out of love. God, that makes me want to hold her forever.

“No, Sadie, it doesn’t hurt me that he misses your mommy,” I say softly, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

“What hurts is that he’s hurting.” I pause, letting her see the truth in my eyes.

“I love that your dad talks about your mom. I love hearing the stories of you three together. She’s the reason I get to love you.

She’ll always have a special place in my heart.

” I press a hand gently to my chest, and Sadie sits up, her expression serious.

She tilts her head up, searching my face.

I don’t say a word–I wait. When she decides, she wraps her little arms around my neck.

“I’m glad that you are mine.” My heart cracks open in the best way.

I pull her into my arms, holding her close, her tiny arms still wrapped around me.

“I’m so glad I’m yours too, Sweet Girl.” We stay like that for a while, breathing in the quiet comfort of each other. Just the two of us.

As much as it aches sometimes–not being a mother in the biological sense–I’m so damn thankful for the little girl in my arms. My Sweet Girl.

My biggest blessing. The ache is there, yes.

But it’s quiet. Softened by the overwhelming love I have for her.

In this moment, I know–Luke and I are going to be okay.

Sadie noticed him first as her head was tilted to the doorway. Luke stood in the doorway, hands tucked into his pockets, his posture open in a way that made him look almost vulnerable–like he’d been watching us long enough to feel it too.

“Do you want to help make breakfast, Sadie Girl? I picked up more chocolate chips for waffles.” He says with a glimmer in his eyes. Sadie climbs down, scooping Trixie into her arms. “Come on Trixie, let’s help Daddy. Come on, Momma–we need you too!”

My breath catches. One word, spoken like it’s always been mine. It lands soft–but it lands deep. Not a declaration, not a question–just a knowing. A belonging. A word that tells me, in one breath, that I am truly the lucky one.

Across the room, Luke’s expression flickers–like a held breath he hadn’t realized he’s been keeping.

His eyes meet mine for a just second–wide with something quiet and awed beneath it.

But he says nothing. He turns towards the hallway leading to the top of the staircase.

Standing a little straighter than the hour before.

Sadie slides her small hand into mine, tugging gently. “Let’s go, Momma. Daddy said waffles, and Trixie wants extra chocolate chips.”

“Well Trixie is on to something–I could go for extra, extra chocolate chips.” I say as Sadie stops in her tracks with her face shocked looking at me. “Extra, extra ?” She says with excitement. “That sounds yummy!”

In the kitchen, Luke is already pulling out the mixing bowls, acting like it’s any other morning. Like if his daughter didn’t just claim me as hers. But when I reach the counter, he brushes his hand along the small of my back. Just once. Just enough, no words needed.

We move around each other flawlessly. Sadie is on her barstool with Trixie tucked underneath her chin, waiting for Luke to give out directions.

Just as Luke flips the waffle maker, I add in another scoop of chocolate chips into the batter.

The batter is a light brown, like a marble tint to the yellow batter.

Sadie goes into a giggle fit. “Sadie Girl, you haven’t even had chocolate and you’re already with the wiggles. ”

The turn of events of this morning, from my period starting, to Sadie calling me “Momma,” has my every emotion on high alert. Maybe she won’t say it again tomorrow. Maybe not for weeks. But today, she did. That was more than enough.