Page 58

“Oh no, not for me.” Chloe says as she unbuttons her flannel revealing her black solid shirt and places her hand over an unmistakably baby bump.

My body runs cold. The room shifts, but I can’t move.

Dean slides an arm around her, smug as ever, and raises an eyebrow right at me.

My Old Fashion is making its way back up my throat.

“I’m pregnant! And it’s a boy!” She says cheerfully.

The table erupts. Chatter, cheers, and clinking glasses.

Beside me, Luke squeezes my hand and I bring my eyes up from her belly to look at him.

He’s having a boy? How could he have a baby with her but not me?

I was his wife, why wasn’t I enough? I internally shake those thoughts.

But I can’t help feeling this disappointment of inadequateness.

My eyes must say it all because Luke leans in and whispers, “Come on. Let’s go home, Baby.

” Taking a second to gather myself, I nod.

Standing up, I reach for my coat and tug it on.

Mrs. Emily’s eyes meet me across the table and gives me a sympathetic smile.

The ache in my chest doesn’t belong to me anymore.

Once the chatter dies down, I wave to my staff to get their attention.

“We’re going to get going, have a wonderful winter break, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone!” I keep my voice as cheerfully and steady as I pull my chair in.

Chloe leans in and whispers but not low enough.

“Dayna? Oh I hope this isn’t hard for you.

I know it must not be easy being the ex-wife and having to be around him daily.

” She lets out a breath, shaking her head.

“Dean told me about you not being able to have a baby and that just makes me so sad for you. Not being able to experience this for yourself.” Chloe says as she looks genuinely sad for me placing a delicate hand on her baby bump.

Almost as if she pities me. It’s a punch to the gut.

Not only did he blatantly lie to her, he made it seem like he actually wanted a child with me.

We all know that wasn’t the case, so why lie about it?

I refuse to break or give him any satisfaction.

Instead, I put on my best smile, “Not at all— Chloe, is it? In fact, I’m very much excited to see if Dean is capable of loving someone else as much as he loves himself.

Best wishes to you and the baby.” I grab my purse and Luke’s hand and we walk out of Lime-A-Dozen.

The frigid air makes me gasp. I lean over and I can’t tell if I am going to be sick or if I’m fucking annoyed.

Luke is behind me rubbing my back. I can’t believe I’m reacting this way.

I have him, I have Sadie. I shouldn’t feel betrayed.

But I do. Cara walked outside after she paid for our tab and I caught a glimpse of Dean through the window.

He doesn’t have his arm around Chloe and he seems like he’s radiating anger.

She tries to lean in and tell him something but he shrugs her off in annoyance.

But why? He has everything he said he didn’t want with her.

Luke is holding out Cara’s door when she says, “What a fucking asshole. I swear to god, I wanted to lunge over and punch his stupid ugly face for you.”

Luke closes my door. I buckle up and say, “I appreciate the gesture but he isn’t worth it.” Once Luke is driving the music is a low hum and the truck cabin is eerie quiet.

Before we even pull into our driveway, I begin to shut down.

My heart is hurting for reasons I can’t begin to list. We get out of the truck and we all head inside.

Luke kisses my forehead and walks into the kitchen.

I led Cara to the guest room. She understands I want to be left alone but that won’t stop her from trying her best to comfort me.

We get to the doorway and she gives me a hug.

“I wish I could take the pain away from you. But, Dayna— there’s one thing I know for sure, you’re going to be a fantastic mother.

I see it in the way you look after Sadie.

You inadvertently gave me a niece and I can’t wait for the future babies you and Luke will have.

” Her words break something in me. I basically lunged at her, trying to hold it in the best I could.

“And you know what? Fuck Dean, you’re in a much better place now than you were when you were married to him.

” Squeezing her in a hug, trying to absorb her words into my body, I say, “I love you so much Cara Jane.”

“Love you more Dayna, get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Once I’m in the comfort of my room, I go to the bathroom and I wipe off my make up and wash my face.

When I’m finally done with my hot shower, I wipe down the mirror with a hand towel.

I grab the used makeup wipe and toss it in the trash bin.

That’s when I see the negative test for the first time.

The tears just pour out of me. Covering my mouth to muffle my cries, I walk to our bed, climb in, and my body shakes as I sob.

I hate that I feel this way. I hate that this is what is happening.

I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep but I wake up and the bed is empty.

Luke never came up to bed. I throw the blankets off of me and slip on my slippers.

I walk downstairs, checking the living room.

Empty. I look towards the kitchen and that’s when I see the back porch light on. I step out, the cold biting at my skin.

“Luke?”

He turns, eyes distant, trouble. “Hey Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you awake?”

“Me? Why aren’t you in bed with me?” He sighs as he rubs his jaw like it was clutched this entire time.

“I checked in on you and you finally fell asleep. I came out here to think. I wanted to give you your space.”

“What are you thinking about?”

His eyes darken as the shadow of ocean blue eyes look into my soul.

“I’m beginning to think this is how he treated you and this isn’t something new.”

“W—what? No. No. He wasn’t always like this.” My voice wobbles. “I was the one that changed things for us.” Luke’s jaw tightens.

“Dayna, Baby, people are allowed to change. What isn’t allowed is how he still treats you like shit.

He is manipulating Chloe into thinking you couldn’t have a baby when the truth is, he didn’t want one with you .

” His words slice right through me. “He lied to her. I know he must have lied to you too.” I shake my head.

“The fact that you never told him about our past? That says everything.”

Luke is right.

I never even mentioned him because I never thought I’d see Luke again.

Because Dean never wanted to know. He didn’t care enough to know about my past. He said he didn’t want to know about the guys I’ve been with.

I never corrected him and let him think there was more than just the one I let go all those years ago.

I won’t let him have this hold on me now.

“He knows the feelings I had for him were nothing compared to the feelings I have for you.” My voice shakes but I feel safe with Luke.

“I was married to him for six years. You walk into town and my stomach becomes a jar of butterflies.” I laugh dryly.

“I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but—” Luke cuts me off.

“Dayna. I fucking hate that you were married to him.” His hands clenched into fists. “I hate that he made you believe he was your future. That he made you doubt yourself.” His voice is rough, laced with fury.

“He never valued you. He sure as fuck doesn’t respect you.

The way he has spoken to you—” He cuts himself off, shaking his head.

His hands flex at his sides. I start to shiver because I’m worried I’m losing him.

We just started and now, I feel like I ruined us.

The reaction I had earlier really bothered him.

I can see it. He turns to lean on the deck rails, with his head dropped back.

“Fuck! I wanted to rip him to pieces…How dare he say those things about you! I hope to god that little boy changes him, but I won’t hold my fucking breath.”

I wrap my arms around myself, “I’m sorry, Luke.”

His whips his body around and his eyes pierce into me.

“Babe. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” His shoulders sink slightly. “The betrayal you feel? It’s real. It’s valid.” I shake my head. “But I don’t want to feel like that.”

“It’s okay if you do.” He whispers. I step forward, voice small.

“So, you’re not mad at me for reacting this way?”

Luke looks pained. “Mad at you?” He scoffs. “Baby, I’d be worried if you didn’t cry. You had an emotional day. Then finding out she’s pregnant? I wanted to cry for you.”

He takes a large step and is covering me with his body.

His arms wrap around me. The warmth radiating from his chest is like the sun on a July summer day.

I feel so safe and protected. Luke isn’t mad at me, he’s sad for me.

I don’t know if that makes me feel any better.

This day has been the longest day and I just want to fall asleep in his protective arms.

Lean up on my toes, I run my hands through his beard and kiss him like a lifeline. He tightens his grip around my waist. Opening up my mouth more, allowing him access, our tongues begin to dance in rhythm of our heart beats. Slowly pulling back, breathless, “Take me to bed, Luke.” And he does.