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CHAPTER ONE
LUKE
E leven months. Almost a year since Juliette’s death, and I couldn’t stay in the house we built together any longer.
I tried. For Sadie. For myself. But the walls carried too many ghosts, unfilled dreams we still had to make.
Neither of us were healing in that house. Moving felt like the only way forward.
Juliette’s parents understood. They love me like a son, but even they saw how much staying hurt. Selling the house was a step toward something better.
Liam has been my rock through all of this, finding us a house and even offering to buy it for us. He’s helped me invest for Sadie’s future, but I needed this house to be something I did on my own.
“Thanks for staying longer than you planned. Getting that job was an absolute miracle.” I tell my brother Liam as I haul another box up to Sadie’s room.
He flew into town to help Sadie and I move into our new house in Stonebrook, California.
“You’re telling me,” Liam says, handing me the pair of scissors.
“How does a prime teaching job just fall into your lap overnight?”
When I got the teaching job at Stonebrook Elementary, I knew it was meant to be. The small-town charm, a newly built auditorium, and a chance to start fresh with Sadie— it felt like maybe it was fate. It was something I knew I couldn’t pass up.
In college, I played baseball with the goal of being drafted into the MLB, while also earning a degree in early education.
I met Juliette in college— she was the team photographer, capturing the moments I lived for on the field. It took me a season to gather the courage to ask her out, but once I did, everything clicked into place. By graduation, we were engaged.
Teaching became my path after my baseball dreams slipped away and, to my surprise, it felt just as fulfilling. Watching my students grasp a new concept or spell a word correctly made every challenge worth it.
Then our daughter was born. Summers were ours— traveling as a family. Juliette was a professional sports photographer. She never missed the chance to take Sadie with her on her overseas assignments. We made the most of every second together, never thinking our time would run out.
But it did.
Five short years. That’s all we got as a family of three.
I had a new teacher orientation while Liam and Sadie were arranging her room.
Walking towards the two voices upstairs, I stop at the doorway to my daughter’s room.
“Sadie Girl, this looks amazing!” I say, stepping inside her bedroom.
“Uncle Liam helped. I didn’t want anyone’s feelings hurt, so I made sure they all got a spot in front.” She proudly pointed to her stuffed animals, lined up neatly on her new queen bed. Her voice softened as she spoke, and I could see the effort it took for her to compose herself.
“Come on, Girlie, let’s go unpack your dad’s room next.” Liam says as he ruffles her hair playfully.
“Right, Daddy needs his things too.” She looks back at her room before walking into the hallway leading up to my bedroom. She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles while reaching for my hand.
I’ll take the small smiles she gives me. At night, she still wakes up screaming for Juliette. I hold her, whispering the song her mother would sing to her. I really hope this move is good for us.
It’s my first day of work and Sadie’s first day of First grade.
My brother left for New York a few days ago.
It was nice having him here while we got situated.
Sadie FaceTimes him any chance she gets, and he answers her calls no matter what he is doing.
A part of me wonders if he makes my daughter a priority because of what happened with his ex. He’d never admit it, though.
Memories of Juliette still hit like waves, pulling me under when I least expect it. Like standing in the kitchen cleaning up from making Sadie’s breakfast, I spot it. The chalkboard sign.
Juliette bought it for Sadie’s first day of school tradition, filling it in with her handwriting and laughing at Sadie’s wild answers. Especially last year’s answer when she wanted to be a waterfall when she grew up.
I pick it up, swallowing hard. Sadie Grace Beckett’s First Day of School— Kindergarten is written in her delicate handwriting full of love.
I almost don’t want to erase it. But I have to.
A lump lodges in my throat as I grab a damp paper towel and wipe it clean.
The chalk smudges, leaving a faint trace of the letters behind.
My chest tightens. It shouldn’t be this hard.
I force my hand to move. I write First Grade in my handwriting.
It looks wrong. It isn’t hers. But not writing anything would be worse.
I can’t believe Sadie is going to be six in a few short weeks. I may be thirty-three but I feel like my body is so much older. Grief will do that to you. Time has gone by incredibly fast, yet it has been the slowest year of my life. Time is surely a thief.
Soft footsteps descend from the staircase and I hear Sadie approaching me. Reaching for the sign, I turn around to face her and say, “Happy First day Back to School, Sadie Girl!” Sadie giggles softly and says,
“Daddy, the sign is upside down!”
I flip it, shaking my head. “Sorry, princess.”
Going through the same ritual Juliette did, I uncap the chalk marker and ask Sadie what her favorite color is. She tilts her head.
“I like ball gown yellow like Princess Belle.”
My hand is steadier now as I jolt it down. She’s been on a Beauty and The Beas t kick the last couple weeks.
“Great choice. Now— What would you like to be when you grow up?” She scrunches up her face and thinks for a moment.
“I want to read in a castle all day long.”
I chuckle softly. “That’s a solid career plan.”
I hold up the board for her to inspect it. She nods approvingly. She grabs her lunch pail and water bottle off the counter. I reach for my backpack and snag the travel coffee mug from the kitchen island.
Together, we walk out of our house and find a spot next to the giant tree in the front yard. Leaning the chalkboard against the tree, I see the shift in her eyes. The way her fingers play with the hem of her dress. She hesitates.
“Mommy’s supposed to do this part.”
She says softly. I crouch down, pushing a stray strand of her brown curly hair back.
“I know, princess. But mommy would want us to continue our mornings like we would if she were here.”
Sadie nods, swallowing hard. “Then I guess she would want you to take my photo like she would.” She grabs the board and motions me to go ahead. I take a few steps back and pull my phone out.
Sadie has her brown curly hair brushed into a ponytail. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than it has been. She’s wearing a purple cotton dress with white sandals.
My daughter was very specific about what she wanted to wear today.
Liam and I had a hard time finding the right color purple when we took her shopping for school clothes.
Liam went to ridiculous lengths to find it and pulled through when he had this dress flown in from a children’s boutique in New York.
He went the extra mile and bought that dress in every color.
I glance at her and I see that she’s struggling to smile her signature Sadie smile. The glimmer in her hazel eyes has dimmed, and that doesn’t go unnoticed by me.
When I think I got the photo, I hear her quietly say, “I really miss Mommy. I wish she could be here with us.” I kneel beside her, “I know Sadie Girl. I miss your mommy too.” I open my arms so she can walk into them. She hugs me tightly.
Before we make our short drive to school, I look in the rear-view mirror at Sadie.
She’s staring outside her window with her lunch pail on her lap.
I made her sandwich like Juliette used to, but it’s not quite right.
Turning on my truck, I tap on our playlist. “Yeah Boy” By Kelsea Ballerini plays throughout the speakers and I hum along.
Backing out of my driveway and heading out from our neighborhood, I hear her singing just above a whisper. By the time we hit the last chorus, Sadie was using her water bottle as a microphone belting out the words.
I love our car ride concerts. I love hearing my little girl singing like her old self.
We are both singing loudly now. I’m totally off key, but the signs of first day jitters seem to fade away.
I take a quick peek in the rearview to catch a smile from her.
This is the moment I’ll hold on to like a lifeline.
We arrived at our new school. It’s a two story indoor campus. Tall trees surround us and the playground is massive. I hope she loves it here. “Okay, Sadie Girl, welcome to your new school, Stonebrook Elementary Home of the Wolves.”
“Wow Daddy! This is our school? It’s so pretty!
They have a double slide and a swing set!
” Sadie says with her voice filled with excitement.
I park my truck furthest from the office.
Once I turn off the truck and gather my things and look back at Sadie.
She’s fidgety with nerves and I can tell there’s a hint of worry .
Before I can address it, my phone rings. I look at the screen and I see it’s my mother-in-law, Nina FaceTiming. I tell Sadie to unbuckle and sit up front with me. She’s hesitant. I try to assure her it will be okay, but I know not to push it. She has become apprehensive about being in a vehicle.
I answer the FaceTime call and tell Nina good morning.
Nina and my father-in-law, William are happy they caught us in time.
I hand Sadie the phone so she can see her grandparents better.
They talk for only a few minutes and remind me not to forget to send them photos.
I send the Anderson family group chat photos any chance I get.
I can see how genuinely excited Sadie is to be talking to my in-laws.
They wish her a great first day with promises of calling soon and hang up.
Table of Contents
- Page 1
- Page 2 (Reading here)
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 22
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- Page 25
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- Page 28
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- Page 57
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