Page 16

It took a whole week. Seven days of that dull pain in my hurt. Seven days of that dumb hope that he would at least talk to me. Seven days of me ignoring him at school, but I noticed every little thing he did. Seven days of not paying attention to his stare. For seven days, I had to stop myself from crying over something so stupid.
Seven days of keeping myself from wanting to push him against the wall and kiss him like he had.
He hadn’t tried to start a conversation, and I hadn’t either.
I know that over time I had grown to care about Austin. I just didn’t know how strong the feelings were. I wish it wasn’t that deep. I don’t like how unsure I feel.
I get out of bed with a sigh after another night of no sleep. I hadn’t slept much, and my eyes were hurting a little. Thank goodness it’s the weekend today. I get ready and look out the window. It looks like it’s going to rain today because the sky is cloudy.
I see the calendar and my heart starts to race.
September 25
I could feel my throat closing up, and tears came to my eyes. How could I forget what day it is? The memory comes back to me so quickly that I can hardly breathe.
I see bits and pieces of memories from the day flash in front of my eyes, and I shake a lot. After a while, I focus on my breathing. Breathing in and out has never been this hard before. When my knees give out, I sit on the floor.
My breathing goes back to normal after about an hour, but I can’t stop crying. I think I’ll go outside to get my mind off of it.
I put on a thin hoodie and black jeans before going outside my room.
“Morning, Lyra,” Kira says from the couch, where she is holding a hot cup of coffee. She looks so calm and cosy in the blanket. For a moment, I think about joining her, but my heavy heart won’t let me.
“Good morning.”
“Coffee?” she asks, holding out her cup. I shake my head no and leave quickly. I can hear her mumbling something, but I don’t want to hear it.
As I walk down the path that leads into the park, I breathe heavily. I let the bad memories come back to me. I don’t care when the tears start again. I enjoy the pain for a while, but then I’m not alone anymore.
The sky cries with me. The rain starts with a few small drops here and there. I look up at the sky, where tears are still streaming down my face, and then it starts to rain hard. To be honest, I’ve never liked the rain, but right now it feels so good. I don’t know how long I stay there until I hear some footsteps. My tears mix with the rainwater.
I stop breathing when I turn around. Austin looks at me with confusion as he looks into my eyes and sees how messy I am. Not in my eyes, but into them. Like he’s trying to figure it out.
Find out what’s wrong.
How did he get to me here?
Austin was completely soaked, but he still looked at me like he knew what was going on in my head. He sighs after a while and takes my cold hand in his. He pulls me out of the park, but this time I don’t let him.
I pull my hand away. I hope the heavy rain doesn’t show that I’m still crying. I just stand there with my eyes closed.
Austin takes my hand again, and this time he holds it tightly. I try to grab my hand again, but he makes it tighter. To the point of pain.
When he sighs and loosens his grip a little, I wince and try to shake his hand away. He mumbles an apology in a voice so small that I can barely hear it.
I accept him. His hair is black and completely wet, and it’s sticking to his forehead. His shirt is also completely wet, and it sticks to his skin, which makes his body look even better.
I don’t like that he makes me feel this way. I know. I realise that I don’t have the same effect on him.
This time, I let him take my hand when he does. I let him pull me to his car. I let him open the door and let me in. He doesn’t mind that I’m getting the leather seats in his car wet.
He turns the heater up. I look out of the car. The rain hasn’t stopped yet. We don’t have to drive very far to get to his house.
I have a lot of questions, but the sadness inside me is too strong for them. I quickly wipe away some hot tears when we get out of his car.
Austin takes me to his room and puts me on his bed. My clothes are still wet. He goes into his bathroom and comes back with two towels. He picks one up and pats my hair with it. Something that makes my heart race.
He gives me the other one after a few minutes and then goes into his closet. He gives me a white shirt that he brought with him. He tells me to go to the toilet, and I do.
I take off my jeans and hoodie and put on the shirt, but my hands are shaking. I look at myself in the mirror. The shirt goes up to the middle of my thigh. I don’t take off my pants. I walk outside with my wet clothes in my hands and see Austin sitting on the bed.
He has already changed out of his wet clothes, and his wet hair makes him look so… No. I shouldn’t think that way.
I see him looking at my form, and he looks happy. He looks at me and tells me to come over.
When he hugs me, I’m surprised. I sigh into his chest because it feels so good. Isn’t he sick of being the knight in shining armour?
He says, “I want to show you something.”
“I can see the pain in those pretty eyes. I know how to help you let it out. Follow me,” he says as he walks outside.
I follow him with a heavy heart that is also a little bit excited.
Do my eyes look nice? All eyes are nice.
Does he think mine is pretty?
He might think that all eyes are pretty.
I just walk behind him, shaking off the thoughts.
I think the word “pretty” is very delicate and a nice way to say something nice about someone.
Austin is standing in front of the door to a room he doesn’t know. He looks at me and sighs after a moment of hesitation. Austin looks at me one last time before opening the door wide and telling me to come in.
When I walk in, my hands fly to cover my mouth. My eyes sparkle as I look around the room because there is so much to see. As I look at the walls, trying to take everything in, I forget about my sadness for a moment.
The room is of average size. There are framed canvases of all sizes hanging all over the place, almost completely covering the off-white wallpaper. The feelings in the paintings take my breath away. They say more than words ever could.