Page 65 of Out of Bounds

“How’d that happen?” Cameron laughed to himself before curling his body into his husband’s chest.

Brennan moved his hand over Cliff’s and interlocked their fingers. His brown eyes bore into Cliff full of meaning and promise. These weren’t fuck me eyes; they yearned for something deeper.

Cliff wanted to live in this moment forever. If only they didn’t have to leave this patio and these guys. If only the outside world, with his parents and Alex and his team and a heteronormative NBA, weren’t waiting at the edges. If only they could be this affectionate all the time, no matter where they were. He knew what Brennan wanted, but he didn’t know if he could give it to him.

Cliff stood up. “I have to go to the bathroom. Save the sports questions for me.”

* * *

Of coursehe had to ruin a great night by overthinking, but he saw things going down a path with Brennan that freaked him out. He couldn’t tell himself it was just experimenting in Brennan’s loft anymore. The crush that Cliff had harbored for so long was evolving. Brennan wasn’t a fantasy, not some shirt he could smell. There were real feelings involved, feelings Cliff was scared to reciprocate.

Cliff stared into the mirror, trying to make himself calm down. A knock at the door told him his time for contemplation was over.

He left the bathroom and came face-to-face with Greg.

“All yours.” Cliff stepped aside.

Greg looked at him for an extra beat, reading Cliff’s face as if it were a graffiti’d bathroom wall.

“Can we talk for a second?” Greg asked above the din of the bar.

“Um, sure.” Cliff was not expecting that.

Nor was he expecting that Greg would motion to the bathroom.

“It’s less noisy,” he explained.

Cliff wondered if this was a ploy for a hookup, but then remembered how into each other Greg and Ethan were on the patio.

Greg closed the door behind them. The loudness faded to a murmur.

“You’re not out, are you?” Greg cut right to the chase. Outed in a dirty bathroom was not Cliff’s idea of fun, but there was kindness in Greg’s eyes that made him trustworthy.

Cliff shook his head no.

“I had a feeling.” Greg nodded as he raked a hand through his hair. “I was in your shoes back in college.”

“You were?”

Greg had the easy confidence of someone who was born comfortable in his own skin.

“Classic story. Boy thinks he likes girls. Boy realizes he prefers boys. Boy finds himself in a major dilemma because he doesn’t want to disappoint every single person in his life.”

“Sounds familiar.” Although for Cliff, he never believed he liked girls. He believed he was asexual before he admitted his lust for Brennan to himself. Everything else tracked.

“It was hard, and relationships with certain people took longer to heal, but I don’t regret it. Not for a second.”

“I’m on the basketball team. There are no out athletes at Browerton.”

“That you know of.”

“I don’t want to be the first.” The words hung in the air, Cliff’s fear on display for Greg to see. The truth was never pretty.

“I was the first in my frat, which I know isn’t the same. People who are the first don’t think about being the first. They’re just living their lives.”

That sounded much easier said than done.

“Look, I’m not saying you have to do anything, and I’m sorry if that’s how it’s coming out. I didn’t really know what I was going to say when I came in here with you. I’m kinda winging it.” He gave a weak smile, making it impossible for Cliff to be mad at him. “I never thought that I would be married to another guy, calling somebodyhusbandin front of family, friends, co-workers, students, leading the LGTBQ club at the school where I teach. I’ve been where you’ve been, and I wanted you to know that you’re not alone.”