Page 31

CHAPTER

THIRTY-ONE

ANNALISE

A s the hot water rolls down my body, I can only pray that this hotel has amazing coffee. My exhaustion is soul deep. I am currently running on adrenaline and love. The Cranes had five road games this week, and I attended every one. Jaden urged me to stay home and relax in preparation for today, but I love being there for him. It fuels me.

I won’t always be able to attend all of Jaden’s games. Life will happen, and I’ll be kept away with other projects or maybe children. I’m aware that this snapshot of time in our lives is fleeting, and I want to soak in every second of it. Right now, I’m a hundred percent committed to spending every day with my fiancé. Exhaustion be damned.

Besides, this sleepy haze will pass. It always does because life with Jaden is exhilarating. It’s just hitting extra hard this morning because we got very little sleep last night. We flew into LA on a private jet after the Cranes win in Toronto last night. When my head was finally able to hit the pillow, sleep was on strike as my brain thought about today.

Do I want to hold that golden statue in my hand? Sure. What actor would say otherwise? However, is it as important as I used to think it was? Not at all. Winning an Oscar was always the barometer on which I measured my worth. Both of my parents won one, and I saw their golden statues displayed in our mansion my whole life. I was desperate for their approval and love. In my twisted mind, I thought winning one would finally earn me the validation I had always sought. But I know now that it won’t. Nothing could’ve made my relationship with my parents the way I wanted it to be because they weren’t capable of loving me.

I’ve been hit with a plethora of truth over the past several months, which hasn’t been easy, but it has helped me find true happiness. Regardless of what happens tonight, I’m flying back home contented, and that’s pretty incredible.

The shower door opens, and a very naked Jaden steps in behind me. “Hey, babe. Breakfast is here, and the coffee smells incredible.”

“Oh, good. I was just dreaming about it.”

He stands behind me, his front to my back, and wraps his arms around my middle. He kisses my shoulder. “When is your stylist going to be here?”

“About two hours.”

“So much time.” He nibbles at my skin.

I laugh. “So little energy.”

“So what I’m hearing you say is that you could use a little pick-me-up?” He traces light circles across my abdomen and moves his hands up until he’s cupping my breasts. He massages, tugs, and twists at my delicate skin.

I release a sigh into the steamy air and lean my body back into his, my head resting on his collarbone. “Two seconds ago, I would’ve said no. But color me intrigued.”

He chuckles. “Oh, please. You’ve yet to say no.”

Lifting an arm, I wrap it around his neck and pull his mouth to mine while his hands continue to tease my nipples. “I might this time,” I tease, my lips against his. “You better convince me.”

“Well, you know that’s my favorite thing to do.” He captures my mouth with his and kisses me senseless.

All traces of exhaustion vanish the second his tongue touches mine, leaving hot, pulsating need in its wake.

“Oh,” I groan. “I need you.”

Jaden’s chest rumbles with a laugh. “I haven’t done anything to convince you yet. I have moves.”

“Oh, I know you do, and they’re amazing. But right now, I just want you inside me.”

“Fuck, I can’t argue with that.” He pushes me toward the shower wall, my back against the warm tiles. Hiking one of my legs up and over his forearm, he holds it out to the side, opening me wide for him. He impales me, thrusting in deep, my heel lifting from the shower floor.

“Yes,” I moan.

He takes me again and again, hitting me so deep the sensations erupt through every nerve cell in my body. I feel my orgasm building, my body preparing for a delicious onslaught of divine sensation.

Who needs coffee when I have a partner who brings me the greatest high I’ve ever known? Yeah, regardless of what happens tonight, I already have everything I need—and his name is Jaden.

“You look ill, Annalise. The truffle pasta not sitting well? I told you to get the steak.” Simon jabs another piece of pink fleshy meat with his fork and puts it in his mouth.

With a fork in my hand, I move some of the pasta around on my plate. “The pasta is fine,” I retort.

The food at the Academy Awards is prepared by some of the best chefs in the world, and I’m certain I’d appreciate it more under different circumstances. The fact that my meal tastes like chalk has nothing to do with the dish and everything to do with my nerves.

This day has been one giant episode of exposure therapy. While most people undergoing such a treatment confront one thing—like a person afraid of flying steps on a plane or someone afraid of spiders is forced to hold one. My exposure therapy includes almost everyone and everything I’ve encountered since stepping on the red carpet a few hours ago.

Hollywood is like a small gossipy town where everyone knows everyone. Most people in this room are tied to my father in some way and trigger a memory from my childhood. I’ve grown up with these people on various movie sets, awards dinners, parties, and social events. I thought I was over all this. Safely tucked away in my therapist’s office over two thousand miles away in Michigan, I feel safe from the insecurities this place brings. In my day-to-day life, I have endless support from Jaden and our friends and haven’t had this pounding pressure in my chest for so long.

Jaden slides his hand over the top of my satin dress covering my thigh and gives it a reassuring squeeze. He leans in and kisses the side of my head. “You are okay, my love,” he whispers against my hair.

Not that long ago, before I left to film in Michigan, I was surrounded by this life twenty-four seven, and it never bothered me in this way. I always questioned my therapist when she said that it gets harder before it gets easier. She said it’s easy to put a Band-Aid on the problem and pretend it isn’t there, but once you rip it off and release the truth, you’re forced to confront it. My life with Jaden has been such a safe space for me, I thought my therapist was wrong because, contrary to her words, it hasn’t been hard back home. But now, our conversations resurface, and I finally see what she means. Squashing the denial I’ve held in my past makes me see this place and everyone here differently.

“If you’re all worried because you’re not sure if you’ll win, don’t worry. You know you will,” Simon says through a mouth full of food. “By the way, have you spoken to Bobby Flair yet? And why isn’t he here? I was sure he would be. I’ve been looking forward to the introduction.”

“Do you ever stop talking?” I pin Simon with an annoyed stare. “At least to finish chewing your food?”

“Oh, Sassy Annalise is my favorite.” He grins.

“Annoying Simon is not mine.”

Jaden takes my hand in his and pulls my attention. “Have I told you how incredible you look?”

I smirk. “No less than a hundred times.”

“Well, you do. I’m obsessed with the gold dress. It makes you look like a Grecian goddess.” He pulls at one of my wavy curls, the simple interaction calming my nerves.

“Thank you, babe.” I lean into his side, wanting this night to be over.

He lowers his face and kisses my shoulder. “Anna, you need to get out of your head. Take a deep breath and enjoy the evening. Win or lose, it’s an honor to be here. Enjoy it.” He half covers his mouth as he speaks, the way I taught him. That gesture alone pulls me from the chaos in my head.

I half laugh. “Look at you being paranoid and covering your mouth for me.”

“Well, we all know those TikTok lip readers are on the prowl.” He winks and wraps his arm around my back. His hand rubs against the bare skin of my arm.

I release a sigh. “You’re right,” I tell Jaden, feeling more at peace.

I’ve come too far to allow my emotions to twist into a frenzy and ruin my night. The whole production breaks for a commercial break as they do between awards. The host is on stage going over something with the director and the person in charge of the teleprompter.

“Come on, Simon,” I say to my costar as I stand from the table. I let Jaden know that I’ll be right back.

“Where are we going?” Simon practically skips behind me like an overzealous six-year-old.

“Giving you your introduction.”

I knew where to find Bobby the whole time. He’s one of the best directors in Tinsel Town. Of course he’s here. I didn’t feel like speaking to him because I also knew that more than likely, my father will be by his side.

Bobby and my father stand against the bar at the far end of the venue, each holding a glass of overpriced scotch. I stop and take hold of Simon’s arm when we’re still out of earshot.

“Be careful, okay. Neither of these men are good people. Know your worth, and if they’re disrespectful in any way, walk away. I promise, there are other great directors out there.”

“Um, okay. Yeah, sure,” he says with a nod.

We close in on the two men at the bar. Bobby shoots me a fake smile, but one nonetheless. On the other hand, my father regards me with the annoyance he’d throw at a stranger interrupting his conversation. Oddly enough, it doesn’t hurt because I suppose I am a stranger. The man doesn’t know me at all.

“Annalise!” Bobby sets his drink on the countertop and grips my arms. He pulls me in for an air-kiss on each cheek. “How are you?”

“I’m good. Thanks. Hey, so”—I throw a nod toward Simon—“this is my costar Simon Blackwood. I’m not sure if you’ve had the chance to preview our latest movie, but he really was stellar throughout. It got me thinking that he’d be great for one of your projects.”

“Is that so?” Bobby raises a brow and extends his hand to shake Simon’s. “I’m always interested in meeting the latest talent.”

Simon shakes Bobby’s hand with a little too much fervor, laying his admiration on thick.

I tap Simon’s back, nudging him to calm down and relax.

“Well, I’m sure you will have lots to talk about. I’m going to head back to the table. My fiancé is waiting. It was good seeing you, Bobby. Father.” I dip my head toward them both and turn on my heel, leaving them behind me wearing an enormous smile. The man with emotions of steel flinched at the word fiancé, and the satisfaction I received from that is priceless.

Put it off to following Jaden’s advice to get out of my head and enjoy the night or my jab that put a dent in my father’s armor, but as the night progresses, I start enjoying myself. I celebrate with the winners in the other categories, and my smile is genuine. Some really good people here, like me, just want to make beautiful art.

Finally, the wait is over. Presenters walk onto the stage, one of them holding a golden envelope in their hand with the name of the winner for best actress. The nominees’ names are read, and short clips of their performance are played for the crowd in attendance and everyone watching on their TV screens at home. The clip they chose of me was from the emotional boardroom scene, and seeing it again, I’m proud. No matter what happens, I can hold my head high.

The presenters read the content of the envelope together. “And the Oscar goes to… Annalise Sterling!”

I cover my mouth in shock. A round of clapping ensues. Jaden stands with me and gives me a kiss. I turn back to him for one more glance as I make my way toward the stage. He claps, wearing a smile that radiates pure joy.

I did it.

I really did it.

I’m handed the coveted golden man, and though I’ve held my parents’ Oscars, this one feels heavier.

Standing at the microphone, I look out at a room of peers before me, hold my hand to my chest, and say the most cliché award speech opener. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe this,” I exclaim.

My speech starts by thanking the cast and crew of the movie, but then I pull in a breath and think for the briefest of seconds about what I really want to say.

“I grew up surrounded by the magic of movies. Some of my earliest memories are on set, where I would talk to the people who make the magic happen. I wanted to know everything because I respect this industry so much. Doing what I do is an incredible privilege. For a couple of hours, films offer people an escape from life. Beautiful stories with beautiful messages inspire us, allow us to reflect, or remind those of us who may be going through something similar that we are not alone. I want to thank Annabelle Lighthouse and every brave woman in our history for paving the way for women everywhere. This movie speaks to so much more than becoming a CEO of a major corporation. It speaks to bravery, grit, and confidence. It speaks to knowing your worth and then fighting for it.” I hold up my Oscar. “Thank you for this honor. To every person out there, dreams are worth fighting for. Go out and fight for yours as only you can. Believe in yourself and make your life beautiful.”

The orchestra music starts playing as I’m escorted off stage. I replay my acceptance speech in my head, wondering if I said everything I wanted to say. In all honesty, I can barely recall any of the words I just uttered. The speech has left my brain, leaving only emotion—a vibrant wave of happiness surrounded by peace. And that is what I am going to take away from tonight.