Page 8 of One Night in Vauxhall Gardens (Singular Sensation #11)

May 4, 1819

No. 4 Burberry Street

Manchester Square

London, England

It had been three days since the outing at Hyde Park when she’d been grazed by the ball from a random shooter. Three days since she’d seen or heard from Harry. Three days since they’d been on that bench at the Serpentine and sat in silence for a long time before he’d brought her home. Had he gone back to Leo’s house afterward and told him what had happened?

Is that why she hadn’t seen him in three days? Or worse, had he been lost to memories for the bulk of that time? They were questions that required immediate answers, but she had none. And in the next breath, she was annoyed at herself for becoming so attached to the man in such a short period.

What did that mean?

The longer she sat at the open window of her bedchamber, the more questions popped into her brain and the more confused she grew. Some of the topics they’d discussed that day at the Serpentine had been interesting, and he seemed to be quite intent on taking her traveling the world for a wedding trip. Never had she thought such a thing would have been within her grasp even though her brother had encouraged it merely to see her out of London, but exploring with Harry by her side? Intriguing, indeed.

Why, though? Shouldn’t she do everything in her power not to have any good thing come her way in life after what she’d done? Yet she couldn’t dislodge the knowledge that he might need her in the way she might need him, if they were honest with each other.

And in that vein, if she were honest with herself, she rather enjoyed knowing he was there protecting her and she certainly appreciated the feel of his strong, hard body against hers, acting as a physical barrier between her and all the ills in the world.

Such a silly goose, Theresa.

A hail on the street below caught her attention, for she recognized the voice as Harry’s. With an accelerated heartbeat, she left the straight-backed wooden chair in order to peer out the window. An open carriage waited at the curb while the earl had exited and stood chatting with the driver. Truly, he made an imposing figure with his lean form clad in buff-colored breeches, Hessian-style boots, a waistcoat in a gray hue, and a navy jacket. His brown hair beneath the top hat spoke to the craziness he’d told her of before, and that certain wildness made her grin, for at least part of him refused to conform to proper societal rules.

He waved away an eager young boy who, no doubt, wished to hold the reins of the same matched dappled gray mares she’d seen three days before when he’d taken her out for a drive. Then, with a nod to the driver, the earl came up the short walkway, but then as he reached the door, she lost sight of him.

Like the goose she was, Theresa hurried to her cheval glass and peered at herself. Patting a few escaped strands of hair into place, she then pinched her cheeks to encourage a bit of color onto her skin, and finally brushed a piece of lint from the skirt of her coral pink lawn day dress. Green embroidery resembling ivy vines lined the bodice as well as the hem. She’d donned it this morning in the hopes it might make her seem younger, in the event the earl came to call.

She supposed she’d discover whether it did or did not imminently.

A few moments later, a soft knock sounded on her door.

Admonishing herself for the fluttering reaction in her belly, Theresa opened the door and raised an eyebrow when finding the butler in the corridor. “What is it, Frankton?”

“The Earl of Hedgecomb is here to see you, my lady. I have shown him into the drawing room.”

“Thank you. I’ll join him directly.”

“Very good, my lady.”

Waiting for the butler to disappear downstairs seemed like an eternity, but finally he was gone, so she lightly ran along the corridor and then navigated the stairs with more decorum so she didn’t look too eager. As she came into the drawing room, the earl sprang to his feet the moment he saw her.

“Good afternoon.” Though his grin was on the weak side, appreciation lit his eyes, and the closer she came to him, she wanted to disappear into those blue depths. “It is lovely to see you again.”

Theresa nodded. “Where have you been for three days? Is all well?”

“Yes, of course.” He waited until she’d selected a chair near the low sofa he’d occupied before he sat himself. “It was my turn to stand guard at Edenthorpe’s home. The next day I was able to speak to him for a bit, and after that, I met with a handful of the rogues to inquire about the button I’d found in Hyde Park. On the third day, I had meetings with my man-of-affairs as well as my solicitor.”

“Ah.” She nodded. No doubt he needed to sign paperwork since his prospects and future had changed with the engagement. “I’d feared you were lost to nightmares or something like that.”

“I haven’t slept well, this is true, but I am accustomed to that by now.”

“How is Edenthorpe?”

“Well enough. Tired and weak, facing a long recovery time. But I would rather see him tackle that instead of being dead.” He rubbed a hand along the side of his face, which only served to call her attention to how large his hands were and how strong they had been that night when he’d embraced her. “How have you been keeping yourself?”

“I’ve stuck around home, mostly.” Her fingers drifted to her cheek where she could barely feel the scabbing from the ball’s graze. “Were you able to identify the shooter?”

“Unfortunately, I was not, but I’ll keep asking the remainder of the rogues.” Before he could say anything else, her mother sailed into the room, and from her expression of high dudgeon, it was clear she was in a snit.

“Mama! I didn’t realize you were home.” In fact, her mother usually met with one of her causes on Tuesday afternoons.

“My appointment was cancelled.” Her sharp gaze encompassed them both, and as she looked the earl up down since he’d scrambled to his feet once more, her whole demeanor changed. She simpered at him, as if she were a schoolgirl instead of a grandmother. “While I was out, however, I heard the most outrageous gossip that you have asked for my daughter’s hand. Is that true?”

Theresa tamped down the urge to groan. They were in for it now. “It has been busy, and I’d planned to tell you. Honestly, I’m surprised Leo didn’t tell you.” Truly, she actively tried to avoid her mother whenever she could.

“It is true, Lady Bollinger.” To his credit, the earl was full of charm as he crossed the room, took her mother’s offered hand, and brought it to his lips. “Theresa and I are engaged.”

Her mother glanced at her. “Be a dear and ring for tea while I talk with His Lordship.”

Ah, so that was how it would be then? She had ceased to exist now that an earl had been introduced into their social circle? If she didn’t follow the order, her mother would become insufferable and wanting to keep that secret for as long as she could, Theresa left her chair and trailed across the room to yank on the bell pull that was only a few feet from her mother’s location.

Her mother guided Hedgecomb over the Aubusson carpeting in shades of blue and when she sat on the low sofa, she pulled him down beside her. “I must say, this has come as quite the shock. I had no idea Theresa even had a beau, for the girl hides herself away in her room more often than not.” She shot a speaking glance her way. “How did the engagement come about?”

“Uh…” Theresa looked at Harry. How to explain to her mother about the concern for a man trapped in nightmares that turned into passionate scandal with her shouting down the gardens out of fear thanks to memories of that rape years ago?

Too many secrets she was keeping. When a footman answered her summons, she quickly ordered tea.

Before she could speak, the earl cleared his throat.

“It is quite a lovely story. Your daughter and I met at Vauxhall Gardens not long ago—we have known of each other due to my being friends with St. Vincent.” At least that wasn’t so much of a lie. Was he making jest of her mother? “We found that we have much in common, so I talked with her brother and made an offer. Thankfully, St. Vincent swiftly accepted.”

As the tale went, it was succinct and to the point, conveyed the most important bits of what had happened that night, and all the while he’d made it seem charming and a bit daring and at the same time removed the scandal.

Her mother rested her gaze on Theresa as she collapsed into the chair she’d occupied earlier. “I can’t believe you managed to land an earl without doing much of anything.”

“I was fortunate.” She shrugged, for she still didn’t know exactly how she felt about the forced engagement. “Now you don’t need to fret over my spinster state.” Yet would her mother want her to marry the wrong man merely to say she had wed? The was to be determined.

“Perhaps, but life doesn’t come that easily.” She narrowed her eyes. “I’m glad, though, for you don’t have much in the way of looks and youth any longer. Over the past few years, you’ve neglected caring for yourself.”

That was outside of enough, and after years of listening to the little snipes, Theresa’s patience snapped. She surged to her feet while Harry watched her with rounded eyes. “You know, Mama, there is a reason all the joy of being in society has vanished for me, but you wouldn’t care to know why, and even if you did, you would judge me, because that is what you do, what you’ve done since Papa died.”

“I owed your father no loyalty after he had a string of mistresses. It is none of your concern why I have chosen to be bitter as I guide my children into the next phase of their lives.”

She scoffed. “I am aware of Papa’s transgressions, but you were just as guilty with the same. Don’t pretend you had a wonderful marriage except for that.” Many times, she and Leo witnessed their parents, who never tried to hide their lovers. “Let us both pray that my marriage is nothing like yours; I have no desire to do battle with the man I’ll wed for a lifetime.”

The outburst surprised her, for she hadn’t wanted the union in the first place. Now that she was engaged with her brother not backing down from that decision, the tiny desire she’d carried in her heart since that long ago day during her Come Out Season flared to life once more. Yet how could she have a marriage of any sort of normalcy if she couldn’t bear to have a man touch her intimately?

Her mother’s face went pale. “No matter what, I am your mother and deserve your respect.”

“Ladies, please calm yourselves.” Harry rose to his feet. “This engagement is happy news, don’t you think? Lady Bollinger, your daughter has made an amazing match, and your time planning society events is freed up. Theresa, you will soon be free of living with your mother, so your relationship with her will change again. Perhaps you both should concentrate on the upcoming wedding instead of being at each other’s throats?”

For long moments, she stared at her mother. To be fair, the woman knew nothing about why Theresa’s grip on sanity was slowly failing, why she was unable to feel anything deeply any longer, why she tried to hide all the time, why she hated herself deep down in her soul.

Finally, she nodded. “Hedgecomb is correct.”

“The nuptial ceremony should take place this summer, perhaps in June. I always thought Theresa would make a lovely summer bride.” In that moment, she thawed and turned her attention back to the earl, completely ignoring her.

Shaking with pent-up rage and cold disappointment, Theresa’s jaw worked but she couldn’t gather enough words to actually speak. Why was she always overlooked or considered not good enough when everyone doted on Leo?

To his credit, when Harry peered at her, his eyes widened, and he cleared his throat. “I am not certain if Theresa and I want a summer wedding. The weather can turn hot and sweltering in London and the air is so polluted. I’m sure as we discuss it, new ideas will occur to us.”

One of her mother’s thin brown eyebrows rose. “Then you intended on marrying in Town?”

“In all honesty, yes.” The earl nodded. “This is where my friends are. However, there is a bit of drama just now with the rogues being hunted by a gang of criminals, so I don’t wish to put Theresa into danger until we have managed to lay everything to rest.”

Before she could insert an interjection, her mother asked, “Is that even possible?”

He shrugged. “If I have a say about it, yes.”

When he didn’t mention that they’d been shot at three days ago, she inwardly rejoiced. This was the second time he’d stated that he would protect her, and what was more, he didn’t do it to gain something from her. Already that made him better than the last man she’d been with. Was it possible that the man made the difference? That they could, indeed, make a conscious decision not to disrespect a woman?

Screwing her courage to the sticking place, Theresa cleared her throat. “You should set your sights on an autumn wedding, Mama. At least then you can do some preliminary planning.” The words shocked her, and when she glanced at him, he nodded, but was rather grim around the mouth. “That will allow Hedgecomb and I time to come to know each other better.”

Slowly, her mother nodded. “Yes, perhaps you’re right. He’s quite a bit older than you, isn’t he?”

That question gave her pause, for she and the earl hadn’t discussed such things. “I wouldn’t know, Mama. No doubt he’s around Leo’s age.” Which made him forty, perhaps a year or two older. Did that matter to her? She glanced at Hedgecomb, caught the speculation in his eyes, and frowned. “The gap between ages has no bearing on our relationship.”

It was the truth.

“I see.” Her mother huffed. “Regardless, we should have the modiste in to order new gowns and your trousseau. Best do it now before you find yourself increasing.”

And the temporary truce was completely shattered.

“Mama! How dare you!” Tears sprang into her eyes as she stamped a foot in outrage. “That is never going to happen.”

“Well, you do enjoy flirting, dear, and you know where that leads.”

All conversation paused when a footman brought in a silver tea tray, which he set on the low table in front of her mother. As soon as he left, Theresa strove for calm, but it was elusive.

With heat in her cheeks and her breath coming in short pants, anxiety stemming from the rape eight years ago pressed in on her. Her hands shook from it, and the feeling of wanting to retch came upon her. Dear heavens, I am going to break down right here. Above everything, she couldn’t show weakness in front of her fiancé. “Mama, this is my life, and every decision in it will be mine alone. Whether I succeed or fail, those are my lessons alone. Whether I go through that life with a man by my side is also my decision. Not yours. Do you understand?”

“Of course, but I rather think a thirty-year-old spinster who has an irrational fear of men has no business making any such decisions,” her mother said in a waspish tone. “And this isn’t the behavior needed in front of the earl who apparently has managed to look past your flaws and wishes to marry you anyway.”

“Argh!” I can’t do this anymore. With panic, shame, and fear jockeying for purchase within her chest, Theresa rushed from the room to drag in deep breaths in the corridor. As her body continued to shake, she leaned her back against the wall and bowed her head.

If she didn’t talk to someone about the thing in her past that was blocking all feeling and happiness, she might suffer from further ill health or worse.

From inside the room, her mother and the earl continue to talk.

“I apologize for my daughter’s ill manners, Your Lordship. She was raised better than that. Unfortunately, I believe there is something not quite right in her upper stories. Please don’t hold that against her.”

“That is quite enough, Lady Bollinger.” The rustle of clothing heralded him moving inside the room. “Thank you for this enlightening chat. I’ll be sure to call on Theresa again.”

“And thank you for taking pity on her with this engagement. I’ve long despaired of her ever finding a match.”

He uttered a huff of apparent frustration. “I rather think she is the one who took pity on me.”

“I don’t understand,” her mother said, but then, she wouldn’t for they had never been a family who talked about anything unpleasant.

“It matters not. And one more thing, Dowager? There is nothing wrong with Theresa’s looks. She speaks her mind, of course, but that isn’t such a horrible endeavor either. There are times in life when a woman needs to stand up for herself, and frankly, that should be taught to daughters and granddaughters, for they are going to need those lessons.” He paused, and she could almost see the expression on his face. “Secondly, if I have learned anything from the short time I have known her it’s that being broken or struggling with problems of the mind doesn’t necessarily mean we are hopeless or bad people. Good day.”

As soon as he strode from the room, he saw her, and his whole being lightened and the look in his eyes softened.

“Please don’t say anything,” she implored in a whispered voice. “I am embarrassed and angry and—”

“I am proud of you,” he said in a low voice as he tugged her into his arms and then fit his lips to hers in a kiss that said everything and nothing at once. That one meeting of mouths was like a balm to a burn or a dip in a cool stream on a heated summer’s day, and she marveled over it. After a few seconds, he released her, but her knees had the strength of cooked porridge, and she stumbled. “Pay your mother no mind. You are entitled to a life of your own making no matter how the engagement came about. And the emotions battering you? They are yours as well. It is not a sin to need to feel them before you can leave them in your past.”

For long moments, she heard nothing except the frantic beating of her heart, then she nodded. “Will you do the same?”

“I—”

“Together or not at all, Hedgecomb,” Theresa said with more conviction in her tone. How much did she admire him? No other man of her acquaintance had defended her—except perhaps her brother occasionally—and all she wanted to do was spend the next half hour kissing him in the hopes of losing herself in his embrace merely to find out if she would feel as free as she had that night at Vauxhall, but there was no time and certainly no privacy in the corridor.

Finally, he nodded. “Very well. We shall bear our souls to each other together and hope to God there are enough pieces to put back together at the end.” Worry shadowed his eyes. “I will call on you tomorrow. Dress for an outing and perhaps a picnic. I rather think we should conduct our talks well away from this house.”

“I would enjoy that very much.” Again, he’d managed to surprise her, and it would take her a while to grow accustomed to the change.