Page 6 of One Night in Vauxhall Gardens (Singular Sensation #11)

May 1, 1819

Bollinger House

Portman Square

London, England

Theresa frowned into the cheval glass in one of the guest rooms of her brother’s house, for she couldn’t keep her gaze from going to the faint purpling marks on her throat where the Earl of Hedgecomb had tried to choke her to death. Not that she could hold him responsible, for he’d been trapped in a memory, a nightmare, and trying to imagine what it was like inside his mind couldn’t be fathomed.

As she gently fingered the marks where his had been, she drew her gaze downward to her décolletage. Last night when they’d been engaged in that passionate embrace, she’d apparently lost possession of her faculties for a time when she allowed him access to her breasts, yet within those kisses and caresses she had been able to burst free from the chains she’d unconsciously placed around her soul after that horrible night eight years ago.

But then she’d ruined everything by letting fear enter the moment. She hadn’t been ready when the earl had put his hand between her thighs, had thought she might want to go there, but all she’d been able to think about was being forced by that man all those years ago. At the back of her mind, she could have been reliably certain Hedgecomb wouldn’t have done the same, but there were no guarantees. The last thing she wanted was to go through another pregnancy without the benefit of marriage, for the grief and loss and shame from last time had nearly buried her.

So she’d given into a bit of hysteria and had cried out, implored the earl to stop because she was unable to separate memories from reality. Perhaps she had more in common with him than not. It was small comfort, for now they were both facing a life neither wanted.

With a sigh, she grabbed up a lace fichu and tucked the ends into her bodice. It didn’t hide all the bruising, but it hid some. Then she smoothed her hands down the front of the sky-blue lawn of her day dress. A half hour ago, Rachel’s maid had informed her that Hedgecomb had arrived at the house and that Leo had immediately summoned him to his study.

If she were to discover what fate held for her, she needed to stop hiding in her bedchamber. Was she ashamed of what she’d done with the earl last night? No, she was not. It had happened, and if it helped him move past the horrors his own mind held, all the better. In fact, it was ridiculous that society’s gossips and the matrons of morality dictated what was proper and what was not. There was nothing wrong with enjoying illicit kisses in the dark with a handsome man.

Perhaps some of those dragons should be kissed more often.

Still, knots of worry twisted in her belly as she made her way downstairs to the lower level. Not wanting to lurk in the corridor outside Leo’s study, she ducked into the rear parlor, which was close enough to the study that she could keep an eye on things without being too obvious. As she waited, her anxiety joined forces with annoyance. Just because she had been carried away with kisses didn’t mean she wanted marriage. And passionate kisses from a man didn’t mean she trusted them.

Or him.

Of course, she knew next to nothing about Hedgecomb except that he was a member of the same club as her brother, and that he apparently suffered from demons of the mind. That didn’t immediately make him a good person, but she would be more willing to trust a broken man than one who was society’s darling.

At least she’d learned from experience.

Possibly.

Eventually, after a few rounds of raised voices separated by long swaths of silence, Hedgecomb emerged from the study, but her brother did not. With an accelerated heartbeat, Theresa shot out of the parlor then swiftly walked toward his location, catching him up as he gained the stairs.

“Did all go well with Leo?” There was truly no reason to waste time with pleasantries.

He offered a faint grin, but concern shadowed his blue eyes. Exhaustion lined his face. Perhaps he’d passed a restless night.

“Well for who? Him, most certainly, yet he did proffer an impressive dowry.” When his shoulders slumped and he seemed so defeated, she almost put a hand on his arm but stopped herself at the last second. “Is there somewhere more private we can go to talk? I’d rather not do this in the corridor.”

“Of course. We can use the drawing room. Will Leo join us?” she asked as she led the way upstairs, and when he kept pace with her, she hid a smile, for of course he would already know the way.

“I rather doubt it. The two of us need to be apart for the time being.”

She nodded. “Are you still friends?”

“Of course. That hasn’t changed. We fought together, survived together, mourned the loss of friends together.” He shrugged, and his jacket of sapphire superfine pulled taut over his shoulders and chest. “We just don’t agree that marriage is the answer to this particular issue.”

What exactly had been said between them? No doubt she would never know. “Did you fight much?”

“It wasn’t exactly fighting as it was not seeing eye-to-eye on a few points, but what he won’t budge on is the immediate engagement.”

“So I assumed. He was quite incensed last night.” Which said much, for Leo rarely showed rage anymore since he’d married Rachel. In fact, she’d been a calming influence on him. So why was he upset to see his sister in the arms of a man he considered a close friend? Surely there was more to it than merely her being related to him.

“As I would be if it were me in his position.”

Once in the drawing room, Theresa went immediately to a low sofa and perched upon one of the cushions. Seconds later, he settled on the sofa next to her but with space between them. Immediately the scent of his cologne or shaving soap wafted to her nose, and it was a pleasant bouquet of citrus and sage with a hint of leather.

Quite delicious, in fact, and that combination would always remind her of last night.

For the space of a few heartbeats, silence reigned in the room.

Not able to stand the suspense any longer, she huffed. “How bad is it?”

“That depends on your definition of bad .”

She huffed. “Please tell me what was decided.”

“Very well.” He pressed his lips together into a thin line as his gaze fell upon her neck. “God, I am so sorry for this.” As he brushed his fingertips on her neck where marks lingered, renewed awareness of him came over her. A shiver raced down her spine. “Please believe me when I say I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t.” Unshed tears balled in her throat, and she swallowed hard. “Things happen in life, and something we are powerless to stop them or even fight them.”

“Somehow, I knew you would understand. I felt that last night.” Again, he traced the marks on her throat. She trembled from the barely there touch. “As expected, your brother stands firm in his demand that we consider ourselves engaged.”

“So I figured.” Leo could prove bullheaded when he wanted. “What does this mean for us both?”

“That to thwart off a duel that might not end as your brother hopes, I believe we should appease him in the moment and follow his wishes, but I told him I wanted to do it my way.” Leaning toward her, he took one of her hands in his. “Lady Theresa Bollinger, will you do me the great honor of marrying me?”

Panic welled inside her chest. Trembles went through her fingers. “Since we don’t have a choice—or rather I don’t have a choice—I will, but I must confess that I have fears about this.”

He nodded. “So do I, frankly.”

What did he have to fear? And more to the point, could she trust him?

“All right.” Drawing in a deep breath, she let it out slowly. “In all truth, I am not ready for marriage, nor am I mentally ready for what happens between a married couple. Last night, I think, was an aberration.”

“Then what you said about feeling free or feeling like yourself was a lie?”

“No.” Theresa shook her head to emphasize the point. “I meant that wholeheartedly. Still, it is something I can’t explain.” She met his gaze, wanted so badly to take refuge in those blue pools, but she didn’t know him that well. “It was only when you tried to touch me…”

“I know.” He squeezed her fingers, and there was an odd comfort there. “I’m sorry. I was lost to a different sort of moment than the nightmare. I should have thought, should have backed off, should have been a gentleman.”

“You were everything perfect. Please don’t apologize for finding refuge where you could. I understand that more than you can ever know.” Then she squeezed his fingers back. “I suppose I don’t object to the engagement, but marriage I cannot do immediately.”

“Agreed.” A muscle in his cheek ticced as if he were gritting his teeth. “However, you must admit that things within the Rogue’s Arcade are fraught with danger right now. In this way, I can protect you.”

“But I—”

“Theresa, please. Let me do this and at least regain some honor.” When he released her hand, she missed that bit of warmth. “The engagement can be whatever you wish it to be, whatever we both need it to be. And if, as the months go on, there is nothing more between us than friendship, then I will consider us both fortunate. Our union can be in name only, a convenience for us, so we can have someone to rely on because, no offense, you seem as broken as I know I am, and life is too short to go through it alone.”

There was that. Tears welled in her eyes, for he was the first person in a very long time who understood her without her ever needing to say a word about why she considered herself broken. “Thank you. I appreciate that, but also, keeping a union of convenience isn’t fair to you, is it?”

Those sensuous lips of his turned downward in a frown. “How so?”

“You are an earl, Hedgecomb. Surely you will need the requisite heir and spare. Such things won’t come to pass if we are merely friends.” Yes, she was well aware of her obligation and responsibility within this agreement, and in a perfect world, she shouldn’t need to be bedded if she didn’t want that or anything that went along with it.

“Yes, well, titles go fallow. That is the way of things, so please don’t think I will pressure you to do anything you don’t want in your life. Truth to tell, I’m not certain I wish to pass on the possibilities of a shattered mind to any children I might have.”

His distress tugged at her chest. “That is a product of the war, not something that is wrong with you. Never think otherwise.”

“I appreciate that.” That muscle in his cheek ticced again. “All of this has been forced on us both, and though in some ways it’s a good match and will make things easier, in other ways, it’s a vast inconvenience for both of us. We shall make the best of it, and I promise I will do whatever it takes so that you might finally have the happiness in your life that you deserve.”

“Why do you think I’m not happy now?”

“If you were, you’d be sitting here looking like a cat with a canary, pleased as punch with being compromised and landing an earl with moderately full coffers and a relatively spotless reputation.” He shrugged. “You don’t act like either, so I know you are genuine.” When he gave her a slightly tilted grin, she stared all the harder at him. “Besides, I can see it in your eyes that you haven’t been truly happy in a long time. People who fight demons alone haven’t been on speaking terms with that emotion. Trust me, I know of which I speak.”

“I’m sure that you do.” That didn’t stop her insides from quaking. “It does make this a tad easier to know we are on the same footing, and both unwanted, unlovable.”

“Perhaps.” He reached into the interior pocket of his jacket and brought forth a slim rectangle-shaped box. The linen cover had faded to a dull purple and had been worn in places, but when he offered it to her and she took it into her hands, it had a pleasant weight to it that had excitement buzzing at the base of her spine. “As an engagement present.”

“Oh?” When she opened the box, she gasped, for the collection of ruby jewelry caught the sunlight streaming through the windows. “Good heavens! These are gorgeous.”

Set in silver, each piece was delicate and made with exquisite craftsmanship. Clusters of gemstones—diamonds in the shapes of tiny leaves and rubies that formed the centers of the “flowers”, the necklace contained at least ten clusters. There was also a bracelet, earbobs, and a ring. Everywhere she looked, the stones sparkled like mad and threw off hundreds of tiny rainbows onto the walls.

“This parure has a history. Would you like to hear it?”

“Yes.” She couldn’t take her gaze from the jewelry. It was easily the most beautiful thing she’d ever been given.

A trace of pride reflected in his eyes. “It’s one of the earliest pieces I stole when I was bored and a jewel thief. Oddly enough, it was during a rout. I’d been poking about a bedchamber upstairs when a couple came in, forcing me to hide in a clothespress. Imagine my surprise when I spied the host of the rout, a marquess but his title escapes me at the moment, buried beneath other more horrific information, I suppose.” He shrugged but didn’t appear all that mortified. “Then the marquess began laying claim to his then mistress, which was Lady Stover not long after she’d married her earl. Seems a lifetime ago, but the affair seemed quite passionate.”

“How interesting!” Such gossip, and she’d had no idea.

“Indeed. What is more, the countess became pregnant shortly after that liaison as history has it.”

“Was the child Stover’s?”

“I would have no idea, but knowing her, and her disdain for her husband even from the first? It’s doubtful.”

Theresa frowned. “I thought she only had two children.”

“That is no doubt what she hopes the beau monde thinks as well. According to the facts our research discovered from the club, that first child was a daughter, and she sent the girl away soon after she turned fifteen. Something about being declared mentally deficient.”

“At fifteen? Weren’t there signs before then?”

“I don’t know.”

“Something doesn’t sound right. I’ll wager that’s not the full story.” She gawked at him. “Such a tragedy all around, regardless of what happened.”

“Perhaps. Stealing this,” he tapped the jewelry box with a forefinger, “was a crime of opportunity. The couple had been quite enamored with each other. They were naked and in bed in an inkling. I sneaked out of the clothespress and kept to the shadows, but before I exited the room, I happened to spy this box laying negligently on a bureau top. The marquess had left it there, no doubt to give it to Lady Stover that night after they concluded their amorous connection. I nabbed it on the way out, and as far as I know, no one has been the wiser. I left the house through an open window in the adjoining dressing room, slid down the drainpipe, and then vanished into the night.”

“That is an impressive story, Hedgecomb.” She traced one of the flowers with a fingertip. The stones were cool to the touch.

“It is, rather, and it’s one I like to bring out occasionally. The guys at the club enjoy it, and oddly, it ties my past to my present with the inclusion of Lady Stover.”

“Was the marquess the only man she conducted an affair with over the years as she gained power throughout the ton ?”

“I rather doubt it. Sex seems to be like currency with her if she has run out of jewelry to hawk.” Again, that tilted grin flashed, and it awoke a couple of butterflies in her lower belly she thought were long dead. “The stones in the collection are valuable. Rare Burmese rubies—all hand matched—and diamonds from mines in deepest Africa. I should imagine it would fetch a king’s ransom,” his voice wobbled, “if you’d like to sell it in the event you want to have a life away from me.”

“What?” The box of jewelry nearly slipped from her lap as she stared at him.

He caught it, plucked the ring from the box, then set the parure on the other side of him on the sofa. “This set is yours, regardless of what happens between us. In the engagement contracts, I’ve also set aside a settlement for you, above and beyond the weekly pin money.” With a frown at the ring, he continued. “While I would welcome a friend in this union, if you find we don’t even suit that way, I want you to find somewhere—anywhere—in this world that you feel you can find yourself in, and if that is not with me, I’ll respect that choice.”

“That is… That is so much freedom that’s not usually afforded a woman, even in marriage.” Knowing he offered her that raised her respect of him exponentially and went a long way in garnering her trust.

“It is the least I can do.” Then he left the sofa, went down on one knee in front of her, took up her hand again. “Will you marry me, for whatever reasons that means to you?”

Once again, Theresa gawked at the earl. This afternoon had been full of surprises. The secrets and sadness in his eyes fairly called out to her for understanding, but would he ever come to trust her enough to tell her why? That remained to be seen. Would she trust him to tell the earl of her history? In this moment, it was a terrifying endeavor, but perhaps that would change with time. Finally, she nodded. “I believe I already told you that I would.”

“I merely wanted confirmation.” Then he slipped the ruby and diamond ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. It was a tad loose but not overly so.

“It will serve Lady Stover right to see this parure out in society, if she even remembers that the marquess had given it to her.”

“Or it’s deliberately poking a hornet’s nest.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “Thank you. Oh, and for what it’s worth, last night was startling to me. For the first time in a long while, I didn’t feel… hopeless or even helpless.”

Another wash of tears filled her eyes. They were well-matched in ways no one else could fathom. “I’m glad for that, then.”

He nodded. “The fly in the ointment is that your brother wants us wed before the year is out.”

“We have only just begun the fifth month of the year. The timeline is acceptable to me and takes the pressure off from Mama’s constant shoving me into society, but I want a wedding trip. Somewhere. Anywhere. I want to start feeling again.”

“Have you traveled before?”

“No.” Slowly, Theresa shook her head. “And for the past eight years, I’ve hardly done anything, kept myself aloof from society. Because I have been afraid.”

“Of what?”

A tear fell to her cheek. “I can’t tell you that right now.”

“Understandable.” The earl stood and brought her up with him, but he didn’t release her hand. When he peered down into her eyes, there was an oddly comforting air about him. “When you are ready, I’ll be ready to listen. Until then, would you like to go driving with me? Perhaps stroll through Hyde Park? You can tell me all the places in the world you’d like to visit, for I wouldn’t mind taking a long wedding trip, once all the intrigue in Town comes to an end.”

“Right.” For the moment, she’d forgotten about that. Then she nodded. “I would welcome an outing. Thank you.”

Though he’d given her practically everything she could ever want, building trust would take time, but somehow, she knew with the earl, it might not be the hardship she originally thought.