Page 2 of One Night in Vauxhall Gardens (Singular Sensation #11)

April 28, 1819

Bollinger House

Portman Square

London, England

Lady Theresa Bollinger tried for the fourth time to lose herself in the book opened in her lap, but all that meant was she re-read the same paragraph—again—without knowing what it actually said, for her mind was distracted.

Where the devil is Leo, and why is he keeping me waiting?

Of course, it wasn’t a hardship coming to visit her brother and his wife, nor was it inconvenient to peek in on her infant nephew. He was the dearest little lad with her brother’s looks but her sister-in-law’s hair and gentle smile.

To say nothing of the fact that calling on Leopold meant she was away from their mother for a bit, and that in itself was priceless, for the only thing Mama would talk to her about these days was why she wasn’t married or matched.

As if she had any control over what fate wanted.

Finally, her brother came into the drawing room, and even though he gave her a grin, the gesture didn’t reach his eyes, and his expression showed more concern than anything else. “It is good to see you, Theresa. How have you been keeping yourself?”

“I’ve been well enough. Bedeviled by Mama, of course, but then when is she not badgering me about something?” They both knew how determined their parent was to see her married.

“I would have thought that after my babe was born, she would have occupied herself with that.” Leopold dropped into a chair with gilt legs near her location. He rubbed a hand over his face and looked even more tired than before. “God, Mama’s antics are the last thing any of us need in this moment.”

She frowned, for it was rare that her brother allowed himself to show emotions. “What ails you? I can see it in your eyes that something has occurred that has shaken you to the core.”

Over the past couple of years, Leo had reconnected with a woman from his past and then married her after a bit of scandal and intrigue. Because he was part of the Rogue’s Arcade club, there was always drama or danger lurking, but it almost seemed that such things had grown worse in recent months. But then his son had been born and everything changed with her brother. He’d softened slightly, desired to chase domesticity, didn’t go to his club as often, and had grown extremely protective of his little family. Though it was beyond adorable with him over forty and was still tip over tail for his wife, she couldn’t help but envy that contentment, that belonging.

“Ah, Theresa, life is a mess just now.” Briefly, he closed his eyes as if he couldn’t bear to see anything else, but when he opened them again, he focused on her. “There is so much ugliness in the world, yet when I look at my son, the way I feel when kissing my wife, when I see you and your ready smile, I’m reminded of why I must continue to fight for all that is still good.”

“While that is a lovely speech, you didn’t tell me what is wrong.” Since he was obviously flustered, her nerves began to crawl. Giving up the notion of reading altogether, Theresa closed her book with a soft snap and then set it beside her on the sofa cushion.

“I do appreciate that you say whatever is on your mind.” This time, his grin appeared genuine. “Last evening when I was having dinner with the Duke of Edenthorpe and his family, an intruder broke into his home, and shortly after that, the man shot the duke in the chest.”

A gasp escaped her. “Good heavens. Does he live?”

“Yes, but he hasn’t regained consciousness since the incident. As you can imagine, the duchess is beside herself, and that isn’t good for her health.”

“That’s terrible. Are the other club members being hunted like that?” There had been grumblings over the past handful of months of attacks against the men of the Rogue’s Arcade, and that worried her, for some of her friends were married to rogues.

“Yes. It’s been relentless, and very worrying.”

“I imagine it is.” The logic of why Lady Stover wished to harm any of the men escaped her. Why would the woman hate a group of men she’d never met? “I’ll try and pop in on the duchess and lend support if she’ll let me.”

“She would undoubtedly appreciate that. Lucy is there, as well, since Rockwell was staying with his brother before the shooting.”

“It will be lovely to visit with them both, and I haven’t seen Lucy for some time.” Both ladies were around her own age of thirty, and while they had been successful in making matches, she had held herself back. Yes, she enjoyed flirting with men, but at the end of the day, she didn’t trust them.

“You need more friends in your life, I think. It’s a pity Rockwell and his wife live in the Lake District.” He frowned. “Although, I wouldn’t object if they offered to take you back with them when they go. Remove you from harm’s way, hopefully.”

Knots of worry pulled in her belly. “Do you think things will escalate to that, then? That Lady Stover and her gang will come after your families?”

“Only God knows, but it would devastate me if something were to happen to you, though honestly, if she does do that, it would more likely be my wife or child she’ll choose as a target.”

She met his gaze. “Are you frightened?” To her mind, there was no braver man than her brother. After everything he’d gone through while courting his wife and after everything he’d assisted in with other rogues when they’d been in trouble, he’d shown time and again that fortitude and determination would win the day.

I wish I had his courage.

“At times, yes. There is no shame in admitting it.” For long moments he regarded her before dropping his gaze to the toes of his boots. “However, there is nothing for it. Everything that I’ve fought for needs to be defended, and I will do that until I haven’t a breath left.”

Unexpected tears filled her eyes. “You are a good man, Leo.”

“I’d like to hope so, but when faced with something of this magnitude?” He shook his head. “I feel quite ineffectual.”

Poor thing. She didn’t know how to help or make the circumstances better. If Edenthorpe succumbed to his injuries, her brother would take it hard, for they were fast friends and had been for years. “What can I do?”

“Nothing. Live. Don’t let fear prevent you from doing anything.” He raised his gaze to hers once more. “To that end, what, exactly, do you want from your life, little sister? Marriage, travel, finding a profession? Surely you aren’t happy merely existing and living with Mama.”

“A complicated question, to be sure.” Over the years, life had become something of a drudgery with their mother and her seemingly hundreds of questions regarding the lack of masculine interest in Theresa’s life, but in many other ways, being alone and unwanted was safer.

And she didn’t want to go back to the dark place it had taken so long to crawl out of.

“Surely not. You are still young. And you play the part of the flirt to perfection. Why is it that no man has come to me with an offer for your hand?”

“I don’t know if I wish to commit to marriage.”

He huffed. “You are running out of time.”

“For what? There is no expiration date on when a woman can marry.”

A frown turned his lips downward. “Unless you wish to have children,” he said in a low voice. “The older you grow, the more difficult it might be for you, as was proved with my wife.”

Though it was true that her sister-in-law had been past the second bloom of youth when she’d wed then bore her first child, that didn’t mean Theresa wanted such hope or inspiration.

“That is a risk I must take, for no man has been able to make me feel… anything for him. Until that changes, I will take up the mantle of spinsterhood, and be happy to do so.” At least that wouldn’t lead to further grief and shame. It mattered not that her voice quaked or that her hands shook so badly that she had to clasp them in her lap as her mind jogged back to that day years ago when her life changed forever.

It happened during her Come Out year. One of her friends had been invited to a house party and had asked her to come along. Oddly enough, it was to the country estate of a family she knew, with the viscount and viscountess friends of her parents.

Over the course of the week, she’d gone on walking parties and kept herself occupied with all the frivolities young girls got up to when they were hoping young men would take an interest in them. At the end of the two-week party, a ball was held.

Truly, it was the pinnacle of her young existence at the time.

With butterflies in her belly and dreams in her heart, Theresa had the best of times, and eventually, she’d danced with a man she fancied; he was the oldest son of the viscount who hosted the party. She had thought he was a decent sort, and since they rubbed along well together, she lowered her inhibitions. He was everything charming, flirted with her, paid her lavish compliments, had skill in both conversation and dancing.

All of it together had turned her head and showed her for the ninny she was.

Somehow, he’d convinced her to be alone with him, so after he left the ballroom, she’d followed a quarter of an hour later, sneaked out to the summer gardens with him under cover of the soft darkness. Deep in her heart, she had hopes that he’d been so taken with her that he might ask to pay his addresses to her and perhaps give her a kiss or two.

Her feet had hardly touched the ground that night.

Instead, much to her horror and shame, the man had raped her, quite violently in fact. There had been no kisses, no sweet words of affection, no affirmations of regard, no gentle caresses beneath the moon. Instead, it was a blur and a nightmare, one in which he’d thrown her on the ground in an apple orchard, forced himself on her, and took what he’d wanted without thought or care to how she felt or what she wanted.

To make matters worse and really drive home the humiliation, afterward, he left her with ripped skirting and a bloody petticoat. To add insult to injury, he’d tossed a few coins onto her battered and abused body. Had told her the coupling meant nothing because he’d just won a large wager since he took her innocence. It was the game he and his friends had been playing that night because they were bored so far away from London.

He'd laughed at her, looked down his nose at her as she laid huddled on the grass, said he would never have bedded someone like her, regardless that she was an earl’s daughter. She had no looks to speak of and was as dull as drying paint, and that claiming her had been one of the most distasteful things he’d done in his life, but the windfall he’d won would buy him the racehorse he’d lusted after.

And he’d walked away, leaving her alone, ashamed, and frightened.

After that, she was stunned. It took quite a while before she’d left the relative privacy of the apple orchard. She was ruined and humiliated. Above all, she couldn’t tell her brother or her parents what had happened, for they had always cautioned her to be wary of what her flirting might do, but to her, it had meant nothing. It was merely another way of communicating. Regardless, her family would be livid, blame her for losing her innocence to a rogue, or worse, demand that young man marry her. That would mean the union was destined to fail, and how could she marry anyone who would treat her with so little dignity? Beyond that, she wouldn’t put it past her mother to avoid the unpleasant scandal by imploring a convent to take her in, or her father would demand that she stay in exile at the family’s country property.

In hindsight, she probably should have taken that option.

Eventually, Theresa had made herself as presentable as she could , then she snuck back to the house but went directly to the room she shared with her friend. As quickly and as quietly as she could, she removed her clothes, balled them up, and hid them at the bottom of her trunk. In tears, for all her hopes and dreams had come crashing to pieces at her feet that night, she cleaned herself as best she could then got into bed and prayed she would fall asleep by the time her friend came up once the ball had concluded.

When she’d returned to London a few days later, her whole life had been upended. Everything that had previously brought her joy had vanished. There was nothing to look forward to because she wasn’t the same person. What was more, since her parents didn’t know otherwise, they insisted she have a Season since she hadn’t taken at the house party.

And that had tested the bounds of her patience and her acting skills, for ever since the night when she’d been raped, every emotion she’d ever had was buried so deep inside her that she was incapable of feeling… anything.

It was the most tragic thing of all, for there had been no point in living after that, and no one understood what she struggled with because she couldn’t tell them. From that moment on, it would be her secret and there would never be an escape from it. She had already failed at life before she’d gotten truly started.

There was even more horror to the tale, for certain things had occurred naturally after coupling with a man, but she shoved those thoughts from her mind right now and tried once again to focus on Leo’s face. His lips were moving, and clearly, he was talking to her, but she had no idea what he’d said up to this point, so she swallowed hard and redoubled her efforts.

“I beg your pardon. I must have been woolgathering. What did you just say?”

When he frowned, his eyebrows crashed together. “I had proffered the theory that perhaps it would be best for you to travel at this time, to put you far away from London.”

“Oh?” At one time in her life, she would have been thrilled with that, but now? It was simply another thing that she would no doubt fail at or make a mess of.

He nodded. “Go to the Continent. Stay in Rome until Christmas. Strengthen your knowledge of Latin. Immerse yourself in the history there. Take Mama with you or hire a companion.”

“I can’t imagine traveling anywhere with Mama.” Being harangued in a different city sounded like a dreadful nightmare. “Though I promise to think about what you’ve said.”

“Please do. I shall finance whatever trip you wish, but more than getting you out of the city, I want you to find something that will make your eyes sparkle again.”

“What does that mean?” The knots of worry had returned to her belly.

“Just this.” Leo bounded to his feet. “Though I have been busy with my own life and growing family, I couldn’t help but notice that you’ve been quite listless these past years. Your eyes no longer sparkle with joy or curiosity, and you’ve shown no real interest in… anything. In fact, now that I think about it, you are only existing. You’ve not taken pleasure in the things you once loved, and I can’t help but wonder why.”

“Oh.” Heat seeped into her cheeks. “Please don’t worry. There is nothing amiss.” At least nothing he needed to know about or could do anything about now. It was in the past… except whenever she happened to see the viscount—for her attacker had come into his father’s title in the past two years—at the rare social event she attended. He, of course, didn’t remember who she was and never turned his gaze to her, but she did.

Never would she forget what he’d done to her that night, and never could she move past it. She’d been damaged and changed that night andnothing could fix that.

“Somehow, I believe you are lying to me, but I don’t have time to argue with you or try to coax it out of you.” He strode across the room while she scrambled to her feet.

“Where are you going?” Suddenly, Theresa didn’t wish to be left alone, not that she truly was with her sister-in-law in residence as well as her baby nephew.

“To the club. I must be there for my friends. I have known Edenthorpe for years, and we need to gather together just now, hoping for word of his condition.”

“Fair enough.” She well remembered the men’s friendship. It was how she’d come to know the rogues and how she’d fallen to fantasize about perhaps landing one herself.

Not that any of them had made an effort to look at her in that way.

“What can I do?”

“Stay here. Stay safe. If anything untoward happens tonight, defend yourself as best you can. I’ll be home soon.” There was a bit of wildness about his eyes that was quite unsettling.

With a nod, she asked, “Are we removing to the country?”

“I don’t know. I’ll need to talk with Rachel; we’ll need to make a plan, but I can’t see how running away will help.” He blew out a breath of frustration. “If Lady Stover manages to distract us and separate the rogues, we will grow too weak and easy to pick off.”

“That makes sense, but aren’t some of them fleeing anyway?” At least that was what she’d been able to glean by spying on his conversations.

“Yes, but I can’t blame them. Wives and children are the most valuable people a man can have in his life.” He gave her a half grin. “And sisters, of course.” Then he winked. “Perhaps mothers.”

She snorted with laughter. “Stay safe, Leo. The world needs you. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll pay a visit to my friend Lady Aldren and check on her. We all need to support each other right now. No one should be made to feel alone.” As she had for far too long.

“You are absolutely right. Love you, baby sister.” He leaned close and bussed her cheek. “Don’t give up on yourself either. You are here for a purpose even if you haven’t found it yet.” Then he was gone.

With a sigh, she stared after him in the corridor. “I wish I could believe that,” she whispered to the empty space where he’d been.