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She chuckled at that. "I don't care. I've been holding that in since this morning."

I gave her a sad smile before dropping my hand. "When did you know?"

She quieted then, her posture going rigid as she tried to hide the tension in her body. "Since last night."

I closed my eyes as hot fresh pain tore my chest. "Violet, you know that if you ever want to talk-"

"No." She said with finality. "No. I don't ever want to remember. I'm not there anymore. I'm here."

With that, she rested her head on my chest as I wrapped an arm around her. She wasn't crying anymore, but her breathing still stuttered now and then.

"Violet. We both know that's not the healthy response. You were raised in this life with the tools to emotionally regulate and you have access to a therapist. "

She reached up and grabbed the collar of my shirt between her thumb and index finger, rubbing the fabric repeatedly. It was a habit she'd learned from her mother, an anxiety tick she hadn't done in years.

"I know," she whispered. "But, I have all those years fighting for space in my head against what I know from this life. Everything feels… wrong. Fake. Like this is a dream and I am going to wake up again – owned by someone else."

My grip on her tightened as I kissed the top of her head. "Never again, Violet. I will bury whoever I need to again."

She chuckled at that. "Well, don't tell me where, yet. I'll ask when I'm ready."

We held each other for a while. When the server came by, quietly refilling our waters and dropping off extra napkins, neither of us made an effort to move. I gave the server a silent thank you, making the mental note to hook her up with a huge tip.

We stayed like that, a father and daughter bound not only by love but by a secret they shared. When she did look up at me her eyes were red-rimmed and swollen, but also filled with something I hadn’t expected.

Joy.

She said, “Thank you for becoming a better person for us, Daddy.”

My throat closed and I struggled to speak past the lump that had formed. “Of course. I love you, Violet. I love Liam. I couldn’t make the same mistakes again.”

She nodded, then asked, “Do you regret coming back?”

I laughed, the sound full of relief. “Good fucking god, no. Never. I’ve loved every single moment with you all.”

Violet smiled. “You've been a great dad. ”

I cupped her cheek, tilting her face to look at me. “You deserved it, Violet. So did Liam. Just like your mother deserved a better partner. You all deserved the world.”

When she looked at me, I saw in her eyes a woman who had lived a thousand lifetimes and witnessed atrocities that would make war criminals weep… but I also saw my brilliant and bright nineteen year old daughter, brimming with laughter and love.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “I can’t say it enough, Daddy.” We pulled away, but stayed seated close to each other.

I wiped my eyes and said, "When I was reborn in this new life, I had a lot of mistakes to fix… but saving you was always my priority. I could not have survived losing you a second time."

Tell her about Charlie, big guy.

"Violet, I understand not wanting to recall your previous life… but if you ever feel the need to talk and you're not comfortable talking with me about it, you can also talk to Charlie."

Her eyes widened. “What?" Realization hit her then, "Uncle Charlie? He's… like us?"

"Yeah, reborn like us," I said with a laugh. "But he doesn't think of it that way. He has some very strong opinions about what it all means, or might mean, or doesn't mean, or theoretically could possibly mean. Ask him about Plato if you ever want to see him riled up."

Excitement spread across her face as she asked, "Have you met any others?"

I thought of Angie, then, for the first time in a very long time.

"No… no, we haven't."

She sipped her water and I already knew what her next question was going to be. She asked, "Did you ever tell Mom?"

I shook my head .

She nodded. "I think I can understand why. It's… heavy."

"Beyond heavy. I didn't want to tell her how my life was without her." Shame filled me, that drowning sensation I'd come to know as an old friend.

Understanding filtered between us and eventually we moved onto lighter topics.

We did get around to finishing our lunch; we even split a gluten free chocolate torte for dessert.

The rest of our day was filled with laughter, reviewing her class schedule, discussing which professors she was excited about, which weekends she'd like to come back home.

I stood at the door to her dorm getting ready to say our farewells. I knew we both looked like hell, with our puffy and bloodshot eyes, but I didn't care.

I wrapped her into a hug, but before I could say goodbye she fervently whispered, "You're my hero, Daddy."

This kid…

Her mother was the only other person in either of my lives who had ever been able to destroy me so utterly with nothing more than their honesty. The intensity and sincerity of her words filled me with a devastating euphoria, and I was humbled to know that this was my daughter.

“Always, Violet.”

As I drove away from the university and pulled onto the main road, I thought back over the day's highs and lows and buffaloes.

Charlie is going to shit a brick when I tell him about Violet. He's already got his hands full with Rowan.

I'd been driving in a daze for awhile, so overwhelmed with everything the day had thrown at me, before I realized I should've called with an update the minute I left the campus .

I told my truck, "Call Home," and listened to the incessant ringing before the click of an answer.

Charlie's voice came over the speaker, "Hey, so how did our girl do?"

"She did great."

"You were gone for quite awhile. Did you run into any kind of trouble?"

I chuckled. "Not exactly, but trust me… you're going to fucking love what I found out today."

"Well, do not leave me in suspense," Charlie said. "Spill the tea, as Violet would say."

"Sorry, bud. You gotta wait. We'll discuss it tonight over whiskey."

"Oh… I see."

And I honestly believe the clever bastard somehow knew right then and there… and I hated him the tiniest bit for it.

I asked, "Hey, is Sloane around?"

"She was accepting a delivery at the door, but she is on her way now. Drive safe, Levi."

There was a moment of quiet, some rustling and jostling on the other line, and then Sloane's melodic voice filled the cab of my truck.

"Levi?"

I turned the volume up so I could feel her voice.

"Levi, you there?"

"I'm here, my love. I'm right here. What delivery did you get?"

She laughed. "You know damn well what it is, Levi. Thank you, they're as beautiful as always."

Blue hyacinths and white roses. Every week.

I said, "Violet did great. You would have been proud."

“Oh, I'm proud of her whether I can see her or not. But I'm glad the drop off went well. I hate that they wouldn’t let both parents attend. ”

I shrugged, “Well, you know how these things go. They have their little rules and regulations they want everybody to march to.”

She laughed. “I guess so. Amber stop that! Those are mine!" I heard rustling and then her breathless voice asked, "Will you be home soon?”

“Yeah. Thirty minutes. Should I grab anything?”

She made a noise like a ravenous animal. “A gluten-free pizza sounds fabulous right now.”

“You got it. Veggie for you, Amber, and Charlie? Meat for me and Rowan?”

“Yessss!”

Her voice was warm, teasing. I felt a rush of love and a familiar pang of remorse.

“I love you, Sloane.”

She heard the shift in my tone. “I love you, Levi. Are you okay?”

No. I don't think I can ever be truly okay… but that's okay.

“I miss her.” A partial truth to the storm inside of me.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I miss her, too.”

The phone was silent for a moment but connected us in the quiet. I heard Sloane moving something, maybe walking to the bedroom before she finally said, “We did it. We survived so much, haven’t we?”

“Yeah. We really have. Thank you… for giving me another chance all those years ago. I don’t think I’d know who I am if you didn’t exist to keep me straight.”

I heard her sniffle on the other end, “Thank you… for becoming a better person, Levi.”

Tears slipped quietly down my cheeks. “Anything for you, my love.” A moment of quiet before I said, “I’ll be home soon with your disgusting fungus pizza. ”

She laughed, her exquisite, sonorous laugh that brightened the day of any who heard it, and I hung up, feeling whole.