Page 4

" D addy!" Violet's excited scream shattered the empty silence of the house, and she rushed toward me, her face alight with the innocence only a nine-year-old could possess, wide and weightless. It took everything in me to not fall apart; burning her image into memory.

Seeing her now tore a hole in my heart. A brutal mix of relief and pain as I fought to stay grounded in the moment, ignoring the decade of torment I spent wondering what had happened to her.

Like the world hadn’t stolen her from me and buried her in every dream I clung to, just to stay sane and survive the grief of losing her.

Fuck all those years of not knowing.

Despite the years, I knew my baby girl. I dropped to my knees, knees that buckled under the weight of everything I was feeling, before she launched herself into my arms, her body as light as ever, brown braided hair wild and her unfiltered joy hit me like a punch to the ribs.

Her cheeks were flushed from the heat mixed with the excitement .

"Daddy! Daddy!" she squealed. I forced a smile, the effort burning my insides.

"Violet!" I said, my voice too bright, too forced, as I kissed both of her hot cheeks. She still smelled like sun-warmed cotton and peanut butter.

I almost lost it then, tears threatening to spill, but somehow I kept myself together.

I buried my face in her hair and tried to remember how to exist. Her tiny body clung to me and I was afraid she would vanish from my arms. I don't know if it was from relief, grief, or the overwhelming sense that nothing in this world made sense anymore but my heart pounded so hard against my chest, I thought I might be dying all over again with only her anchoring me to reality.

She giggled, pure and unfiltered. "Dawn took us to that pancake place this morning! For the start of school break! She let us get chocolate milkshakes with breakfast! Gluten free even!"

"That's so cool!"

She was vibrating with happiness, blissfully unaware of the tension her mother and I had shared or the turmoil in my chest. My lovely Violet, so innocent and wholesome.

Then I saw Liam.

He stepped in from the mudroom, quiet, watching me.

His shoulders were hunched under his oversized black hoodie despite the stifling heat outside and I knew that hoodie might as well have been armor.

His dark bangs covered most of his face, but I didn't miss the sharp edge in his amber eyes.

He was a little carbon copy of me, filled with angst, whereas Violet, my artsy little devil, looked like her mother with the same temper.

My son stared at me and I could tell right away this wasn't moodiness.

This was pain so similar to his mother's that my chest clenched.

Looking at my son, Liam had grown up more in the last few days than any kid should.

He looked like a ghost wearing my son's clothes, a dark premonition of how I knew him from my previous life.

"Hey, Dad," he muttered. His gaze flicked to the floor, where the shattered remains of the ceramic mug glinted in the sunlight. "You and Mom fight again?"

Violet stiffened in my arms, her lips pursing in thought as she glanced back and forth between us.

"No," I said, softly. "No, bud. She dropped it. I was about to clean it up."

I smiled, even though it burned to lie to him and honestly, I didn't know if he believed me. I barely believed myself right now.

"You wanna help me clean it up?" I asked. "Was gonna say hi to Dawn, but…" I trailed off.

Violet's voice chimed in, hesitantly now. "She left when she saw your truck, Daddy. Dawn didn't even say bye. Called you a bad word though."

There was no bitterness in her voice and I knew truly that she didn't understand what exactly that meant.

Sloane's parents and her sister Dawn were rightfully disgusted with me.

I swallowed the humiliation and recalled that her parents only had another year to live before the virus ate away at them.

Dawn, thankfully, would survive. My chest ached.

"It's fine," I lied.

Together, we cleaned up the broken mug and cold coffee.

Violet talked nonstop, each word a tiny balm to the wreckage in my chest. Her science fair project, her volleyball game, her school reading list, all things I should've known about already.

Things I'd missed while I was too busy wallowing in self-pity and fucking everything up .

I nodded and promised I'd be at the game. This time, I meant it and was looking forward to being a part of all their lives again.

Sloane came back out as we were finishing.

Her eyes were still rimmed red and her damp hair clung to her neck, her expression unreadable.

Even wrecked, she was beautiful and looked so damn untouchable as her walls were back up.

I admired her in that fractured moment. My fierce, radiant wife, a pillar of grace holding the storm at bay for the children’s sake and here I was, panting after her like a dog in heat, desperate and pathetic.

Disgust and shame weren’t even the base of my vile personality anymore.

I’d sunk far below that…mere shadows beneath the weight of my own darkness.

Yet no matter how rotten I felt, no matter how much I deserved her contempt, I couldn’t stop the ache in my chest on how badly I wanted to redeem myself to her, to claw my way back into her good graces, even if it meant swallowing my pride whole.

I was willing to do anything for her and my family at this point.

"Hey," I said, awkwardly. "Shower help?"

She nodded once. Her arms crossed, fingers digging into her own skin like she had to physically hold herself together. "Yeah. Thanks. Are you… staying long?"

There was ice under the words, and I deserved every shard of it.

"No. Came by to see you all."

Liam let out a sharp, bitter laugh. He flopped onto the couch and turned the TV on, volume low. He didn't look at me again.

Violet stayed close, still buzzing with excitement, but her smile faltered as she sensed the tension between her parents. She was learning to read the room too well for her age and I hated that.

Despite how fucking awkward it felt to be standing in the kitchen, my heart was beating with joy being near them .

Don't be creepy, big guy. Smile. You got this.

The smile stayed plastered on my face. Sloane didn't say anything as she stared at me like she was trying to see through the mirage. Eventually she broke the silence, "Next time, text before you visit," she said.

I nodded. "Of course. I was too excited to see you all." I leaned over and ruffled Rufus' ears. "Especially Rufus."

"Uh huh." The disbelief in Sloane's voice sliced through whatever progress I thought we'd made earlier, dragging us right back to square one.

I glanced at my phone, briefly noting the time. "I'll leave in a few. Just need to make a few calls. I'm looking at places to stay nearby."

It was like an alarm went off in my head as Sloane froze. Her whole body went still, like she couldn't breathe.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"What?" she whispered, her posture ready to fight or flight at this point.

"I mean… I need to find a place. I'm not going far. I…" I stopped and tried to course correct. "It's not about abandoning anyone or forcing my way back in. I want to be close, for the kids and you if you'd let me."

From the couch, Liam cut in, his voice soaked in venom. "What about your girlfriend?" The word sliced through the air like a whip and I couldn't help but grimace.

Not helping, buddy. Fuck me, this is going poorly.

I tried to fix the failing conversation. "I made a mistake," I said quickly. "A stupid mistake. One I'm going to fix." The statement hung in the room, addressing anyone willing to listen. "That means getting my own place. "

Sloane's hands trembled as she covered her mouth. Her eyes were filled with pain again and fresh tears. I was really hitting a record at this point. How much lower could I go?

"Levi… what are you saying?" she said.

Before I could answer, Violet lit up again from the dining room table she had been sitting at, her arts splayed in front of her. "You're coming home? For real?"

Fuck. My throat tightened.

"Violet," I said gently, "I… your mom and I need to work on things. Grown-up things. She has every right to set up boundaries and tell me what is best for you two. But I'm trying. I'm going to show her that."

Liam scoffed. "He's saying he doesn't want to be with us, Violet. Welcome to real life."

"Liam!" Sloane snapped. "That is enough."

Her voice cracked on the last word as all of us flinched at her tone. I had done this, made my wife a wounded animal lashing out.

"And you ," she said, staring at me, "We'll talk. Later. Alone."

"Of course." I nodded before looking away, and forced myself to speak again, every effort in trying to sound casual. "I want to deposit a little more money in the joint account. For groceries. Or maybe something fun for the kids."

Puppy dog demeanor. I am a cute puppy dog.

Sloane raised a brow again, the tears now gone from the onset of anger she felt earlier as she busied herself in the kitchen. "You already gave us enough."

"I want to give more. For them. For you. Maybe… I don't know. A weekend trip? Disn-?"

Violet and Liam both gasped before I could finish the mention of the theme park, their voices screaming, "No way!

" from behind me and I knew I had won. It was a low blow, but I needed an excuse to wiggle my way back into their lives despite my brain telling me to take things slow. I was so afraid to lose her.

For a moment, a brief second, the tension dissolved as the kids rushed over; just two kids excited about rollercoasters and fireworks. It almost hurt worse that I had never offered this sooner and that I had to offer it now like a band aid.

Despite my own guilt, I knew it was effective.

They swarmed her, Liam clinging to her arm, Violet tugging at her sleeve, voices overlapping in that breathless, frantic way only children can manage.

I watched Sloane's resolve buckle under the weight of their excitement certifying that she couldn't tell them no to this.

Her face cracked, a subtle unraveling followed by a single, reluctant nod.

The kids squealed, their joy vibrating through the kitchen like an aftershock and I stood there, hands jammed deep in my pockets. Watching. Memorizing. Her, them, this fractured fleeting slice of what I'd destroyed in my previous life.

Eventually, she calmed them enough to send them to their rooms to "pack." A temporary lie and a borrowed moment of silence for us.

Sloane stood in the kitchen, drained of her strength. Her shoulders slumped, arms hanging loose at her sides. She wasn't looking at me, but past me. Like if she met my eyes, she might shatter completely.

"Levi," she whispered, voice frayed at the edges. "Why are you doing this?"

The words echoed between us. Why?

Because you are my life, Sloane. You are my everything.

"Because I miss you all," I said instead, the words catching in my throat. "And because I want to fix what I broke. I know I can't ask you to forgive me. Not yet… but I'm here and I'm not going anywhere if you'd let me."

Her eyes finally found mine, and for a second, a flicker, I saw everything I'd ruined staring back at me.

The trust I'd burned down. The love I'd taken for granted.

The exhaustion I had helped carve into her face.

She blinked hard, jaw tightening like she was holding back something too sharp to speak.

"I don't believe you," she said quietly. "You didn't just hurt me, Levi. You left me with everything. You left them."

A truth that would forever haunt me.

"I know," I said. "And I hate myself for it."

The silence between us was taut and raw.

"I'm not looking for pity," I added. "I… I don't want to waste this opportunity. However the hell I need to, I'll prove myself to you, to the kids. I need a second chance."

At that, her brow knit, ever so slightly, but enough to show her confusion.

"You think this is a second chance?" she asked, voice brittle. "You think you get to come back and decide that?"

"No," I said, realizing my mistake. I was so impatient and scared, it was causing me to rush my words into these fumbles. "I think I get to try if you allow me to have the opportunity. That's all I can do. Try and never stop trying."

"You've got a long road ahead of you, Levi," she said. I knew I had thrown her for a ringer. One day I said I was leaving her and now I'm begging to come back.

She motioned for me to sit. A silent command to an invitation with barbed edges. The irony wasn’t lost on her nor was the power shift. I could see it in the way she held her chin, the flick of her eyes that told me she was still measuring whether I was worth the breath it took to speak to me.

“I’m going to get changed for work,” she said, her fingers already undoing the top button of her blouse, not for seduction, but for control as she was reclaiming her body, her space, and finally her narrative to this story. “Wait here.”

She paused at the threshold, turning back with one brow raised, the corner of her mouth twitching with something like disdain or amusement. “Oh… and what do you say?”

I hesitated. I could have said thank you or I’m sorry, but neither felt right.

Before I could stop myself, I said, “…Arf?”

Her eyes narrowed.

I cleared my throat. “Woof. I meant woof.”

Her lips twitched. She didn’t want to smile, but it betrayed her anyway.

“Good boy,” she said, then walked away, leaving me equal parts humiliated, amused, and disturbingly aroused.

Sensing my banishment, Rufus padded over, tail low, eyes heavy with concern. He let out a soft whine and nudged my leg. I knelt beside him, fingers brushing over the soft fur of his ears.

"I know, buddy," I whispered. "I screwed everything up."

He licked my hand once, like a benediction. I scratched under his chin like I remembered he liked. "I promise you, Rufus, I'll do whatever it takes to earn my way back. Even if it takes me the rest of my life. I'm not quitting on them. Not again."

He added a small huff, as if he was confirming my vow.