Page 13 of One Kiss in the Shadows (Singular Sensation #12)
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M ay 30, 1819
Mallory woke the next morning to a beam of sunlight heroically making an appearance through the crack in the drawn navy draperies at the window, and she frowned. This wasn’t her room, and for that matter, where were her clothes and her cat? Then she stretched and her muscles protested in the most delicious way, reminding her of what happened last night between her and the duke.
She’d been frightened during the storm, and instinctively she knew he would protect her and take care of her if she’d wanted, but he’d found her in the corridor and had taken him into his bed where he’d done just that... and more. Except, that coupling had been different, so very different, than their first time together. There had been a gentleness and strength there, an exchange of respect and shelter, and in him she’d found something above and beyond protection. They’d shared more than physical needs last night; their souls had mingled, danced, and something sacred had been exchanged.
It both humbled and encouraged her, and in a few ways, it frightened her, because she’d been without hope for far too many years that it felt odd to nurture it again, in this, with him.
For a future, despite knowing there was every possibility she would be disappointed.
As a distraction, Mallory moved into a sitting position as softly as she could so she wouldn’t wake the duke. He slept on his belly with his back and half his arse exposed, for the sheet had slipped down his form at some point in the night. Though his head was faced away and his hands were both beneath the pillow, he was still quite an attractive man.
Residual frissons of need went through her core when she put her fingertips on his back with a light touch. With the bit of sunlight coming in through the crack of the draperies, she explored his skin, traced the various scars and marks there. Some were long and worm-like, some had more sharp edges as if he’d been stabbed, while still others were round. Had he been shot or were these made by something more ominous?
The more she caressed his back, the more connected to him she felt. This poor man who’d suffered so much while serving his country, had been sent home broken and ashamed, without accolades or assistance from the people in charge of the government. Yet he didn’t allow any of that to embitter his soul; he helped anyone in need, whether he knew them or not, and he did it without complaint. From the caliber of his friends, he was well-respected and liked within society, which spoke to his commanding presence and his character.
As she pressed her lips to one of his shoulder blades, Mallory lost a piece of her heart to him without even exchanging words. Perhaps she was a ninny, for she had no experience with men or society or kindness. Was it folly to think herself falling for him just because he’d shown her that? But nothing about him said that he was a monster or that he would ever abuse her, and that nearly brought her to tears.
More frightening, though, was the thought that her mother would try to take him from her. Would she kill him as she’d threatened years ago merely because he was a member of the Rogue’s Arcade?
There was no way to know, so she continued to caress his skin, moved her hands up and down his torso while massaging his muscles. It must have felt pleasing, for he groaned, whether in his sleep or upon waking; she couldn’t see his face, but she made a vow to herself. Under no circumstances would she let her mother and her minions take this man from the world.
Or her.
This time, when she leaned over him and pressed her lips to the middle of his back and then did the same to his temple, he stirred.
“If you continue to touch me like that, you might wish to prepare for the consequences, Lady Strathfield.”
Heat went through her cheeks. “What does that mean?”
He rolled onto his back, and when his gaze connected with hers, wicked desire shadowed his dark eyes. “It means all your explorations, as tender and innocent as they may have been, have already acted like foreplay, and I am quite aroused.”
“Oh?” Daring much, she swept her regard down his body, and when she saw his very rampant and very hard member, a shiver of need went down her spine. “I had no idea what I just did would affect you like that.”
A grunt escaped him. “It seems as though just being in your company has that effect.” Then his gaze fell to her breasts and the tightening nipples. “Especially when you are naked in my bed.”
A throb of longing when through her core. That was so interesting and a bit flattering. “Is that a bad thing?”
“It is not.” Then, before she could say anything else, Nathaniel hauled her over his body until she awkwardly straddled his waist with the hard length of his arousal rubbing against her arse. “In fact, I think you are just the thing I need before rising to meet the day.”
What would it feel like to join with him in such a position? There was so much she didn’t know about relations between men and women. However, this having a husband was quickly proving quite a wonderful endeavor. With a shiver, she leaned over him and gave him an openmouthed kiss. “Well, you are a duke, and what you say goes, hmm?”
“True, but you are quite the siren, I’ll wager, so let’s just see where a few kisses leads us.” His body tensed, and seconds later, he flipped them both over and as he trapped her between the strong shield of his body and the mattress, a thrill twisted down her spine. As soon as he kissed her, Mallory was lost, and she didn’t mind at all, for this new phase of her life was all too fun and delicious.
An hour or so later, she collapsed against the pillows while her heartbeat returned to normal and her breathing regulated. “That was amazing.” The coupling and paces he’d just put her through had been as intense as he was, and what was more, he’d taught her how to ride him, and it was just as fulfilling and exciting as she’d wanted it to be. “I can’t believe this is my life.” Though their marriage was definitely not in name only any longer, that didn’t matter to her. After the years she’d already survived, she had no qualms about jumping into something completely different with both feet and eyes wide open.
“I understand what you’re trying to say, but people all over the world have intercourse every day, and it’s not life changing.” Yet surprise reflected in the depths of his dark eyes as if he had suddenly had a revelation.
She shook her head. “It is for me. You have no idea what being married means after... everything.” At the last second, her voice broke, and she spent a few seconds trying to wrestle her emotions under control. “You didn’t have to do that for me, but then, you are more than most men are.”
“Such gammon, but I’ll allow it this one time.” Then he rolled onto her bottom half, pressed a kiss to the soft swell of her belly, and as the shadow of his whiskers rasped over her skin resulting in shivers, he slid down her body and off the bed. “There is something both surprising and comforting in knowing we get on together in many different ways.”
She blinked away residual tears. “What are your plans for the day?”
“I have a couple of meetings scheduled for various business endeavors, but around teatime, I am all yours. So if you’d like to stroll Hyde Park or take a drive or merely sit and watch waterfowl on the Serpentine, we can do any of that.”
“Good, and if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to bring my sketch pad with me.”
He glanced over his shoulder as he padded across the room to the painted silk privacy screen. “You may do whatever you wish, for you are a duchess. And your talent for drawing is something I’d like to discuss with you.”
“Oh?” A frown tugged at the corners of her lips. “Do you want me to stop? Is it not something a duchess should do?”
“God, no.” Nathaniel went behind the screen. Seconds later, the sound of him relieving himself met her ears. “I want to talk about how we can further develop those skills and where you might go from here.”
Heat twined through her chest and cheeks as she sat up in his bed. “I would like that. Thank you.” As water splashed into the basin and he began ablutions for the day, Mallory left the bed. She retrieved her abandoned shift from the foot of it and quickly donned it. “I need to make sure Peri has been fed, but I look forward to spending time with you later.” Then, not knowing what else to say, for her emotions were all too jumbled regarding her husband, she fled his suite for hers.
W hen Mallory couldn’t locate the duke later that afternoon when it was time for tea, she hunted down the butler in the small pantry space next to the dining room. “Jennings, could you please tell me where Strathfield is just now?”
“The last time I saw him, he was headed into the library.”
“Is he taking a meeting there?” A flash of white out of the corner of her eye caught her attention, and when she turned her head, she saw Peri darting into the drawing room. Clearly, it was one of her favorite rooms in the house, mostly because that was where Mallory and the duke spent a good portion of their time while they were in residence. That and the fact she adored playing with the tassels on the corners of one of the ottomans.
“Not as far as I know.”
She nodded. “Very well. I will meet him there. Also, will you see that tea is delivered to us?” It still took her aback to realize she was a duchess and that she could order such things.
“Of course, my lady.”
“Thank you.” Then she made her way down to the ground floor, and as she walked along the corridor, she sighed for the sunshine of the morning had vanished behind overcast skies. Still, there was a certain coziness to the townhouse that made her smile. That feeling wasn’t had at the asylum, for the only emotions there were depression, fear, and hopelessness.
It seemed every day that passed here was something else to find gratitude for, yet... when would it end? When would her mother break it up in her quest to destroy people who weren’t bothering her?
As soon as she entered the library, a sense of calm enveloped her. Whether it was from having books around her or the duke’s presence, she couldn’t say, but it didn’t matter. Calm had been difficult to come by over the past ten years, and it wasn’t until she’d escaped and married him that it had returned to her life.
That meant everything.
“Nathaniel?” Concern threaded through her voice, for her husband stood by one of the shelves with a fisted hand resting on the book spines and his head on his hand. “Are you well?”
“I am honestly not certain.” He declined to glance at her.
Oh, dear. Had he had another nightmare?
“What has occurred?” Trying not to panic, Mallory came into the room. She maneuvered around the furniture groupings and when she reached his location, she laid a hand on his back.
Immediately, his muscles tightened beneath her fingertips, and he straightened. Strain lined his face and moisture gathered in his eyes. “I have had a revelation. We have been married for eight days.”
“We have.” Still not understanding, Mallory led him to a low sofa of buttery soft leather. However, it didn’t seem like only eight days. In many ways, it felt as if she’d known him a lifetime while at others, she knew him not at all. “Do you have regrets? Is that what your revelation showed you?”
“No, none of that.” He sat and pulled her down with him. “Look at the portrait over the fireplace.” When she did, he stared at it as well.
Why hadn’t she really given it her notice before? Perhaps it was because she’d been more concerned with the books inside the room. “Is that you?” If it was, it was at least twenty years old, for the man in the painting had a cocky, devil-may-care attitude as he sat astride a black charger. Collar points were quite high, his hair was done in a style that was no longer popular, but there was an excitement, a hunger captured in his brown eyes that spoke of adventure.
“It is, or rather was, for I haven’t been that man in far too many years.” His lips tugged downward with a frown. “I was a young man of two and twenty when I sat for that portrait. In fact, it was the last one my father had done of me. It was right before I joined the military on my first commission.”
She sat quietly by his side, not wishing to talk lest it spook him into retreating back inside himself. “You are quite handsome.”
“Back then or now?” he asked in a soft voice but didn’t take his gaze off the painting.
“Exactly,” she said with a smile. “Did you enter the military with a rank?”
“Yes, a captain. It didn’t feel right to have gained the designation without earning it, but I was the son of a duke, and I wasn’t allowed to forget it.” With a shake of his head, he closed his eyes. “Shortly after joining, I was transferred to a different regiment, and once there, I didn’t tell anyone of my identity. It helped. I was able to move more freely and do the work that needed to be done. Eventually, that dedication was noticed, and I was given more and more responsibility.”
“And in that process, you made friends with the men beneath your command. They became your family while you were away from England.”
“Yes, quite.”
She tamped down the urge to sigh. “I would have adored having that at the asylum.”
“I know.” When Nathaniel opened his eyes, he met her gaze. “I’m sorry your real family is made up of bounders.”
“All but my younger sisters. I was locked away when they were six and four respectively, so I don’t know them that well, but I like to hope they haven’t succumbed to evil yet.”
“You have a good heart, Mallory.” He took her head, brought it to his lips, and then kissed the back. “As the years wore on and the war dragged with power and victories exchanging hands in many different theaters, I grew somewhat disenfranchised with the whole thing.”
“Yet you still believed in protecting England.”
“Of course. Then, in the middle of my career, I was taken captive by the French during my time in Portugal.” A muscle ticced in his cheek. “I’d brought one of my friends back to our side after he’d been shot in the gut, but on my return for another injured man, we took heavy fire. By the end, I and a few others were taken across enemy lines and held captive.” Slowly, he shook his head. “Within that month, one of the men I was with died from his injuries. They fed his body to their dogs.”
She gasped. “Good heavens.” Her free hand went to her throat. “I had no idea anyone could be that vicious.”
“Except for your mother?” When she tossed him a look, he gave her a tight smile. “That is when I received the scars on my back. Sabers, whips, the occasional cigar burn, even being hit with barbed wire.” He shrugged when she stared at him in horror. “You’ve seen them for yourself so you know, but they healed.”
“Yet your mind didn’t.”
“Neither did yours.”
“Touché.” She squeezed his fingers. “Did someone rescue you or did you break out of the camp with the other men?”
He grunted. “A bit of both? On the night I and the two others staged our escape, two of the rogues shot their way into the camp, threw us over the backs of horses, and then everyone was away in under fifteen minutes.”
“Is that when you received the injury to your leg?”
“Oh. No.” His gaze fell to his left thigh and the cane that rested against the sofa. “I received that two years later, during a battle that saw one of my friends dead, but I saved one of the rogues, dragged him to safety. The man rewarded me by deserting his position.” For a few moments, he remained quiet, no doubt thinking over his next words. “In fact, that was the Duke of Edenthorpe’s younger brother. I was his commanding officer. When I discovered that he’d packed his rucksack and then left, I was distracted and didn’t see the enemy coming at me through the cannon smoke.”
“And that was the last day you were in the military,” she finished in a soft voice.
“Yes.” He nodded. “After being in hospital for a bit, when I finally came home to England, the men in charge, the men who sent us all to war, pretended they didn’t know any of us. They refused to pay us our worth, gave us a pittance instead. I was fortunate enough to fall back on my position in society, but others weren’t as lucky. Many became indigent, drifting through the countryside looking for work merely to survive... until the memories and nightmares overcame them.”
“I’m sorry, Nathaniel.” Tears welled in her eyes. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you made it home alive. Otherwise, I never would have met you.”
He snorted. “Except, I’m not a whole man, and my mind fractures every so often because I’m forever remembering what happened to me in the war, made by men who only wanted power and control and coin.”
“I don’t know you that well, but I’ll wager everything I have—which is nothing—that you are trying your best to rectify that situation for others with causes or charities.” As she stared, a faint grin curved his sensual lips.
“Part of my time is spent funding clinics for returning and wounded military men. If the government of England can’t give a shit for the men who keep them safe or a strong power globally, then I will stand in the gap for them. Part of what my clinics provide is compassion, and that means someone to talk with these men if they wish it.” As he spoke, moisture welled in his eyes, and those tears slipped to his cheeks. “Other parts help them acclimate back into civilian life by finding housing, perhaps livings or other things that will bring back some dignity.”
It was a small breakthrough, him showing this level of emotion. “I’m proud of you, Nathaniel, for everything you went through, for everything you do to make others’ lives better, including mine. You rescue those of us who can’t fight for ourselves.” It was her turn to kiss his hand. “I told you that you were an honorable man.”
“Perhaps, but I did more than my fair share of damage while in the service. So many deaths, Mallory. They haunt me.” Once more, he settled his gaze on the portrait, and still his tears continued to fall. “While in the military, I was forced to shove my emotions down so far they would never get out. It kept me focused and safe. I wasn’t distracted. When I came home, I did the same because I didn’t want anyone to think me weak even if I was injured. Then my father died, and I was suddenly handed a dukedom.”
“And emotions weren’t part of that life either,” she added in a soft voice.
“Yes, and every relationship I ever had in my life I kept at arm’s length, for I never knew when people would leave.” He nodded. “But then I met you, and from that first moment you turned my life topsy-turvy. Yes, our situation is concerning but keeping you safe has given me back purpose in my life. Knowing you, hearing the stories you share intermittently...” His voice wavered. “The two of us are broken, this is true, but now? After what we’ve shared? How we get on?” When he shrugged, his shoulder brushed hers. “I guess I finally gave myself permission to feel things again after so long. I told myself it was all right to have the freedom to find happiness again and enjoy myself after everything I’ve gone through.”
Her own tears fell. “Just as I am trying to do for myself.” When he nodded, she uttered a sob—a happy one this time—and threw herself into his arms. “Never think that you are too broken for the good things you’ll find in life, Nathaniel. If anyone deserves them, it’s you, and I’m proud to play a tiny part in that.”
“I couldn’t have made it this far without you, Mallory, and I’ll be damned if I stand by and let your mother ruin whatever it is that is building between us.” Then he kissed her with such enthusiasm that they didn’t break the embrace until Jennings entered the room with the tea tray.
I rather think I’m in a spot of bother. But it was the very best kind.