Page 16 of Once Upon a Demon’s Heart

Chapter Nine

ALIRA

The ache starts to return. How could it not with something as filling as he is up against my back, waiting for me?

Pretend you don’t notice. I advise myself and try to focus on how good his palm feels as he kneads my stomach. It’s euphoric and oddly erotic, as if he’s preparing for a breeding session.

My blood goes cold at the thought of that.

Kalel’s breathing is erratic, but he manages to say calmly, “Did you eat anything today? I didn’t see you around the campsites during lunch or dinner.

You can’t keep skipping meals, Alira, you’re already so thin.

” His lips coast the ridge of my shoulder and send shivers rolling through my entire body.

“I wasn’t hungry,” I say softly.

“I can’t feed if you don’t. So, I need you to eat something, okay?”

My lips flatten. “I usually don’t eat much during travel, especially when my heat is off and on. I get too nauseous on horseback.”

He only sighs and mutters, “Needy little godling.” But there’s no animosity in his tone. His voice is smooth and the length against my back throbs again. I swallow and try as hard as I can not to grind into it.

Sweat slips down my forehead as he lets his lips move across my shoulder, drawing chills down my spine.

“You can drink my blood, I’m fine. I’ll eat in the morning… and I’ve been meaning to thank you.” I slide my hand down so it’s on top of his.

He breathes heavy, lips parted, begging to consume me. His hand is still massaging my abdomen. “For?” he murmurs like he can’t imagine what I would thank a demon like him for.

“You didn’t need to keep my necklace, or return it to me, but you did.

You didn’t need to warm me up either, but you are.

Thank you.” I desperately want things between us to be less volatile.

I don’t know if that will ever be possible.

And I’m okay with not being close, but the nonstop hatred I could go without.

He gnashes his teeth together so hard that I hear it. A chill crawls up my neck.

“I’m doing this to end the war, not for you.

I need you in peak health, because my children will have to grow here.

” His tone is dark as he palms my abdomen for emphasis, and it actually feels good.

My features twist, why did I like hearing that so much?

“My children will know you as their mother, they will feed from your breasts and fall asleep to your songs. I won’t have them believing me to be a monster.

I want them to know I am kind. That we ended the horrors and deaths between our kind by creating them. ” Kalel sounds miserable as he says it.

My chest sinks.

I know he hates this as much as I do, but I’m relieved it’s him and not anyone else. His mother was in Thornhall when I raided, and I doubt that’s something he will ever forgive me for.

“I’m sorry, Kalel. You must’ve had to sacrifice so much for this…

is there a lover waiting for you back in Devicit?

” I never thought about it. Maybe because I never had someone waiting for me.

The knights in Alzhor were almost all single.

We didn’t really do relationship acts that mortals and demons do.

Demigods aren’t known to… well, love, I guess.

We’re just naturally not very affectionate.

I mean, look at our parents. They never cared to know us.

So why do I long for it? For the warm embraces and the nights no longer alone. For his arms. I don’t understand my own feelings. No one has ever taught me how.

He’s quiet for some time before murmuring, “No, I find mating and marriage to be an utter waste of time. I’m doing this for my kingdom, for vengeance.”

“Why? Don’t you crave affection and love? I thought demons were as utterly lovesick for each other as the mortals are?”

Kalel doesn’t respond, but his fingers curl into my side a bit. I expected as much. He doesn’t want to open up just as much as I don’t want to.

Deep wounds, I suppose.

He slides his hand from me and nudges my back. “You should try to eat something before bed.”

“Okay,” I whisper, grabbing the spare set of clothes that I have and slipping into them. A small cold shudder still lingers in my bones, but I’m warm for the most part.

I turn to face Kalel, he’s leaned over with his hands threaded together, elbows on his knees, blanket bundled in his lap. He looks lost in a sea of somber thoughts. “Kalel.”

His eyes slowly lift to mine, hollow and empty. Ethereal. Gold blood is smeared over his chest, reminding me that I should visit the healer tonight like he suggested after he applied the ointment earlier.

I clear my throat. “I know you didn’t do it for me, but I’m still grateful. Thank you.” My lips curl into a weak smile. He stares at me, eyes narrowing, filled with dreary thoughts. He doesn’t respond, but he doesn’t say anything cruel either, so I count it as a win.

Small steps. I remind myself.

The camp moves slowly. The last tendrils of twilight are already fading into dusk. I frown at the lost time as I head to the meal station. There are only a few knights still out, sitting around the last couple of campfires and speaking in low voices.

Tessa lingers around the meal station, helping the people on food duty get everything packed up.

She throws on a smile at the sight of me.

“There you are. I was wondering where you’ve been.

Here,” she mumbles as she bends down and retrieves a bowl of soup that’s been set to the side.

Her brows pinch together. “It’s cooled down, but you can warm it up over a fire.

” She nods toward the one closest to Kalel’s tent.

I gratefully take the bowl even though I’m not hungry. With a forced smile I murmur, “Thank you for thinking of me.”

Tessa shakes her head and waves me off. “It’s part of my duties to make sure you’re properly cared for. Are you okay? I saw you and the commander walking back into camp. A few knights aren’t accounted for, so I sort of put two and two together.” Her voice lowers as she says the latter.

The cold inches its way back into my chest. Is she going to try to attack me when I admit that I killed them? “Um…” I try to think of something to say but she shakes her head with a grim smile.

“I know how angry some of our knights are with the way the war panned out. We anticipated that some of them might try to ambush you. Don’t worry about it, Kalel will brief us in the morning about it.

Go enjoy your meal.” She brushes her hair from her face and leaves a grease mark on her cheek.

I admire how hard she works, even helping with the food rations.

I give her a small nod and take the meal back to the fire. The bowls are made of metal, so I note that I’ll have to be careful once it’s warmed up.

I sit as close as I can and let my hands soak in the radiating heat. What a fucking day. Kalel still needs to feed and then I can finally get some rest. What will our days look like once we reach Devicit? I’ll have an abundance of time on my hands since I’ll no longer be a knight.

What did I use to do for fun? I close my eyes and think.

Beautiful dresses and ball dances flicker into my memory.

A sad smile stretches across my lips. That’s right, when I was a young godling, I dreamed of becoming a dressmaker.

A silly dream, especially for an orphan who was already being submitted to the knight faction for an apprenticeship.

But once upon a time, a demon told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up.

I wanted dances, princes, lovely dresses with wine and royalty. Things that I only read about in the house mother’s fairytale books. Growing up taught me that I didn’t know anything about reality. Because all I have are scars, a betrothal to a villain, and curses.

A frown tugs at my lips as I watch the embers smolder like my past self.

That hopeful girl is dead. I buried her to survive this war. Now I only have grief, penance, and guilt.

Someone sits on a log adjacent to me and brings me out of my thoughts.

I assume it’s Tessa at first, but when I look up, I’m met with the softest brown eyes I’ve ever seen.

A demon with fawn hair and pale skin. He has small goat-like horns and one of the kindest smiles.

He’s handsome and dressed like Tessa with armor and leathers, so I’m guessing he is probably one of Kalel’s top knights.

Although, that doesn’t quite seem right, he looks familiar.

His mussed hair and charming smile throw me off, or perhaps it’s my weary mind.

“You look like you’ve had an absolutely abhorrent day,” he says, cracking a wide grin and quirking a brow like it’s funny. I’m so tired that maybe it is funny, but I can’t seem to tell anymore.

My eyes shift to him as I sarcastically say, “What gave it away? My ratted hair or my dying complexion?”

He stifles a laugh. “Actually, it was the long frown.” He reaches out and gently taps my lips. I flinch at his playful demeanor toward me. After the day I’ve had, it’s honestly welcome.

I grunt and let my eyes fall back to the bowl over the fire. The contents are steaming now, so it’s probably warm enough. I use my sleeves to grab the edges of the bowl and quickly move it to the flat rock in my lap that I plan on using as a makeshift table.

“You also look like you really don’t want to eat that.” He throws in. I grin at him. I like this demon.

“No one is holding a knife to your throat and making you keep me company.”

“Ah, but you’re wrong. I’ve been meaning to check in with you.

My name is Nikolai. I believe I quickly healed you this morning, although I was in a hurry and didn’t really get to exchange formalities with you.

I’m the healer’s apprentice, so naturally they assigned me to practice on you,” he says cheerfully.

I can’t tell if the latter is meant to be an insult or not, but he seems genuine enough, so I keep the loose grin.