Page 21 of Olivia’s Only Pretending (Sweet River #3)
His eyes softened on me.
“You make my heart feel safe.”
It sounded cheesy, but it felt true. One of my favorite things about Victor was also one of the scariest things about him.
When we were together, I felt like I let my shoulders drop and my mask slip. I’d forget I was Put Together Olivia. I didn’t have to be the smartest one in the room, big sister, mother number two, and instead, I could just be the same Olivia I was as a little girl.
“Your heart deserves to feel safe, Liv.” Victor’s eyes were narrowed fiercely. “I hate you’ve had idiots let you down. You should’ve always been treated with care.”
Hearing Victor talk about my heart felt like we were letting the lines between us get even blurrier.
“Yeah, sometimes I hate it, too. But I don’t regret the person I am and the life I have for a second. I’ve learned something from every relationship I’ve had.” I sighed. “Plus, who knows if I’d appreciate what a great friend I have in you if I hadn’t gone through some of it?”
“I think you would,” he said. “I’m pretty dang amazing, you know.” He pumped his brows.
I let my head fall back laughing.
He yanked on my feet to get my attention again. “Okay, okay. I wanted to ask you something. Do you remember Katie asking about the rehearsal dinner and stuff yesterday?”
“Yes. She asked if I’d be your date.”
He swallowed. “You said you wanted to be my date. Is that true?”
His shoulders straightened. His jaw tightened. My response mattered to him.
“I’d be honored,” I said in a playful tone, trying to ease the tension. “Plus, I owe you. You’ve been my date a couple of times now and counting. It’s only fair.”
A smile flickered across his face, but something in his eyes dimmed. He looked disappointed at my response, like maybe he’d hoped I might say something different. “It’s settled then. You owe me. I’ll get you the info.”
There was a beat of silence between us. It felt unusually awkward, heavy with things unsaid.
“I’m going to head out,” Victor finally said, patting the couch cushion before he stood up. “I have an early morning tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.” My feet hit the ground as he got up. I felt like I’d accidentally popped whatever cozy bubble we’d been in.
“Don’t forget, you’re due for Midol in a couple hours,” he said as he walked over toward his sneakers.
I wanted to tease him for playing Dr. Victor, like I’d been doing all day, but his eyes were still downcast.
I stood up and walked over toward him.
“Go sit back down. You’re supposed to be resting,” he said, finishing slipping his shoes on.
“I’m okay to walk a few steps, Victor.” I’d been feeling much better this evening anyway, in no small part thanks to him. I stood in front of him. I wanted to chase the disappointment I’d seen in his eyes away. “Thank you for coming over.”
His eyes creased, a small half smile. “It was selfish. I like hanging out with you.”
I shook my head. “You don’t see how kind you are.” I pointed toward the table in the dining room, still covered in his shopping trip finds. “That’s not selfish.”
He dragged a hand through his hair. He sighed. I was still saying the wrong thing.
“I didn’t do all of that because I’m such a nice friend,” he said, his voice low. “ I care about you .”
“But you are the closest friend I’ve ever had. Don’t you see, your friendship …” I put a hand to my chest, over my heart, where I felt that tug, that pull.
He nodded slowly, taking a step back. “Your friendship means a lot to me, too.” His disappointment was thick in the air like humidity.
Frustration that I wasn’t getting my point across—how much he meant to me—was sharp under my skin.
I grabbed his shoulders tight, fabric curling up my fingers. “You don’t get it,” I said forcefully.
His eyes widened.
“You mean …” I tried to find the words. My breathing was heavy at the proximity.
Victor’s eyes dropped to my lips. He licked his.
My heart was a fire alarm in my chest.
“I don’t get it?” he asked, breathless.
I shook my head. I couldn’t even remember why I’d chased him down and grabbed his shoulders. I just knew that I wanted him closer. Our charade had broken that physical barrier, and I couldn’t get it back up.
Couldn’t get how good it felt to be close—lip to lip—out of my head.
My hands clutched his broad shoulders. His eyes searched mine. Our breath hitched between us.
Then I pulled him to me, feeling reckless, desperate, and our mouths collided.
He immediately responded, arms sliding around my waist, pulling me against him until I was up on my toes. I slid my hands over his shoulders, his neck, fingers tangling in his hair.
“Olivia,” he rasped, like he’d been waiting for this.
The sound flooded my body with goose bumps.
A push and pull between us, we moved together until we hit the doorframe between my living room and dining room.
His hands were up in my hair. His breath was hot against my chin as he kissed his way down to my neck. My body lit up like a forest fire.
“What are we …” I stepped away. “What am I …” I couldn’t finish a complete thought.
Victor let out a long, slow breath, like he was trying to calm himself.
I covered my mouth with my hand. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered.
His eyes twinkled. “Don’t be.”
“That was an accident,” I said through my hands.
“Yeah?” he said, almost laughing. “The way you literally grabbed my face felt pretty intentional to me.”
My face went red. “Okay, it might not have been accidental, but it was definitely not thought through.”
“Like when you kissed me in your office?” Victor’s hair was messy from where I’d pulled it.
I bet my neck and cheeks were pink from his five o’clock shadow.
“These accidents that involve my mouth just keep happening around you.” He was enjoying watching me squirm. “You know how people say they accidentally ate chocolate? But really, they just can’t help themselves …”
I shook my head, knowing where this was going.
“It’s like maybe you can’t … help yourself around me?”
“Victor.” I turned my back to him, burying my face in my hands.
“I mean, actually, please help yourself around me anytime.” He grabbed my shoulders and twirled me around to face him again.
“The kisses are good. I think that’s the problem.” I gestured helplessly.
“I don’t know if problem is the word I’d use.”
“It’s making everything too confusing. We shouldn’t have ever gone there!”
He leaned against the doorway he’d just pushed me up against. “That kiss has been on your mind, huh?”
“Has it not been on yours?”
“Every single second,” he rasped.
I hated that the way he said this made my toes curl in my socks.
“I think the wisest thing would be for us to have better boundaries,” I said, everything in me screaming against this idea. “All this hand holding and arms around each other, and you breathing into my ear while carving a pumpkin?—”
“You liked that, huh?” Victor’s eyes looked like trouble.
“I’m saying it muddled things up! Pretending we’re dating has confused us. We’ve taken it too far.”
“I thought how good we are at kissing each other is what confused us?” He crossed his arms.
My living room was dark, with only a couple of lamps turned on. I sighed. “How good all of it feels isn’t the problem—it’s that we now know how good it feels. That’s the problem.”
He grinned. “ All of it , huh?”
“You are missing my point on purpose, Victor Hernandez.” I walked over to my couch and sat down.
He stayed leaning against the doorframe that I’d never be able to look at the same way again.
“We need to have boundaries. Let’s keep some distance, okay? I know we’ve been pretending we’re a couple at my campus … but let’s cool it. No more touching, no more sitting so close, and absolutely no more kissing.”
Victor’s jaw ticked, like he was really mulling this over.
“Don’t you think it’s confusing?” I asked.
He parted his lips like he was about to say something but stopped himself, like he’d swallowed back the words. His forehead wrinkled. “You and I …” he started, then hesitated again.
I waited.
“Are you sure this is what you want?” he asked.
“I’m sure,” I said quickly, before I could even stop and think through his question or why he asked it.
“I don’t think any of this is a problem. And I’m not confused about what I feel for you, Liv.” His tone wasn’t joking at all anymore. “But if you think we need those boundaries, then I’ll do whatever you need.”
I nodded. Okay. Problem solved, I lied to myself.