Page 62 of Off Plan

“No! Don’t do that. We both just agreed that wasreallygood, right? If no one’s told you this before, lemme clue you in: you’re hot. The hair. Theeyes.” I shrugged. “Definitely not a hardship.”

“But then why… I mean. This has the feeling of you running away again,” he said darkly, sitting up and mopping off with my shirt at last. “Is this ayouthing? Because it’s really annoying, if so.”

“Hey!” I scowled. “I’mnotrunningaway. I never have.” I licked my lips and honesty compelled me to add, “But you might say I’m… walking. At a sedate and moderate pace. Totally different.”

He frowned. “But why?”

I sighed and raked both hands through my hair. “Loafers, it’s important that you take your time with all this stuff and wrap your head around it with zero pressure from some random guy who wants to hook up with you. You don’t owe anybody anything. Nobody else’s expectations matter, even mine. You with me?”

“I’m with you.”

“Good. But I… Idohave expectations.” I shrugged apologetically. “Of the guys I’m with, I mean. I usually don’t do hookups—”

“You did with Gerry.”

“I was feeling sentimental,” I said defensively. “They played ‘Auld Lang Syne.’”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,oh. I want someone I can hang out with. Someone I can date.Openly. I don’t need to take out a billboard on Route 75, but I’m not into being someone’s hush-hush experiment or their gay test, either.” I tried to say it kindly. I was pretty sure from his expression I’d missed the mark. “I’ve tried that in the past, Loafers, and the experiment didn’t go well. Safe to say we, ah, blew up the lab.” I licked my lips and went all in on the honesty. “Which is why it’s time to pull back and be friends while I still can. Okay? We stop now, it’s a hand job between buds, and that’snothing.”

Mason nodded slowly. “You think it’ll be that easy?”

It had better fucking be. “Yeah. Trust me. Happens all the time. I mean, I’m hot, but I’m notthathot.”

Mason’s face heated. “Right. Okay, then.”

“Good.”

And it was. Very good. Even if I hadn’t expected him to agree quite that quickly. Even if I hadn’t left him much room todisagreeunless he was about to pull a rose from his pocket like this was some hidden-camera episode ofThe Bachelorand make an insincere public declaration of his undying love.

Instead, he just stood up and dusted off, and we worked together in silence to fold the blanket. It wasn’t uncomfortable, exactly, but all of our earlier closeness had fled, and I found that I missed it.

A lot.

Not enough to take back what I’d said, though.

It’s okay to set boundaries, I told myself.It’s okay not to take every risk.But I didn’t quite manage to convince myself of that either.

Thunder boomed in the distance, and Loafers jumped.

“Another storm. Third or fourth night this week.”

Loafers nodded jerkily. “Fifth, actually. We should hurry.”

“We’ve got a few minutes before it hits,” I reassured him. “Thunder another one of your not-irrational concerns?”

“Maybe.” He bit his lip and forced a smile.

I wanted to take his hand, but I couldn’t.

And in the end, Loafers and I left our little cocoon and walked back along the shore to the boardwalk, letting the tide erase our footprints like they’d never existed at all.

Chapter Ten

Mason

That night,I dealt with my thunderabsolutely-not-a-phobiaby barricading myself in the bathroom with the door closed and my headphones in, praying the rain would fuck off soon.