Page 21

Chapter 21

AMBER

I breathe a sigh of relief when Zack texts that he made it. I’ve never seen him so frantic. So afraid.

I’ve never been so grateful for my psychology degree as I was today. It affords me all the tools I need to help Zack through this difficult time.

I try to put Zack and his mother from my mind and focus on my work. It’s important for me as a psychologist to keep from getting too personally invested in my clients and their hardships.

I need to have a healthy amount of professional distance, or else I will end up with the weight of the world on my shoulders, unable to help anyone.

But Zack is different, of course. Our budding relationship means that he’s more than just a client to me now. If I’m being honest with myself, he has been since I walked into the rink.

I never stood a chance of keeping my distance from him. Not then. Not now.

But it doesn’t matter. There are 17 other guys on the team who I need to be present for. I owe it to them to do my best, even when I’m not feeling it.

A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. Jason Scott steps in, his familiar smile already in place—and I’m grateful. I need someone uncomplicated right now.

Sessions with Jason are always so easy. He is open, friendly, and familiar with psychology jargon. Easy to work with.

Jason closes the door and sits down in the chair facing me. “Afternoon, Dr. Morrison. What are we getting into today?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” I pull up Jason’s file and skim through my notes from our last session together. “Last time, you mentioned you had some concerns about the team working together as a unit, and how that relates to your leadership skills as team captain. Would you like to pick up with that again?”

Jason nods thoughtfully. “Yeah. I know that it’s not my job to make everybody like each other, but I think it helps when there’s some level of mutual respect, you know?”

“Absolutely. Do you feel that there is a lack of respect between some team members?” Jason hesitates at my question, so I clarify. “You don’t need to name any names. I’m just asking in general.”

He relaxes. “I do think some of the vets are a little full of themselves. It makes it harder for them to connect with the rookies when they think they’re so much better than them.”

“Maybe you can help by reminding them of where they came from,” I suggest. “All of the veterans were rookies once. They haven’t always been as good as they are now. But that can be easy to forget for some. I am wondering if any of them had a veteran player interested in them, or who had their back, when they were a rookie.”

Jason nods. “That’s a good idea. I’ll see if I can get through to them that way. Some of them are just so stubborn.”

“I’ve heard.” I smile knowingly at Jason.

“It’s also possible that the arrogance you’re noticing is a coping mechanism for certain players. They may feel inadequate, so they project an air of superiority to compensate. Reminding them of their humble origins may make things worse, since they’re already feeling insecure. They need reassurance instead, even though it may seem counterintuitive.”

“How can I tell who needs what?” Jason leans forward eagerly. “I don’t want to make the wrong call.”

“You’ll have to trust your gut.” I frown sympathetically. “Unfortunately, I don’t know the guys as well as you do. But I think you’ll be able to tell which is which.”

I don’t want to push him into naming specific players, but I have a good guess who he’s talking about.

Blake Thompson, for example, is arrogant because he’s good. Brody Campbell, on the other hand, is overcompensating. But I could be wrong, and it’s not my place to force these conclusions on Jason unless he asks.

I can see Jason going through a similar thought process about the players. I give him a moment to mentally go through the roster while I make a few notes.

When he looks back up at me, I encourage him. “Jason, you can always trust that giving a player reassurance, boosting his self confidence, isn’t going to hurt him. So even if you got it wrong, and he isn’t one of the players actually needing reassurance, you can’t do any damage, right?”

Jason nods in agreement, relaxing a bit.

“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about today?” I ask when his attention is back on me.

“Yes.” Jason smiles at me. “I don’t know if it’s because he’s been working with you or what, but Zack has been in a better mood lately. Usually he’s super closed-off about his personal life, but I think he might finally let us meet Joyce!”

Joyce? My mind on high alert, “Can you tell me more about Joyce?” I ask slowly. “Zack has never mentioned her to me.”

Jason shrugs. “There’s not much to say. Zack spent some weekends with her last summer, and they met pretty soon after he moved to Red Oak for his first season with the Blades. It’s why he never goes out with the team when we go out after practices or games. He doesn’t date because he's already taken.”

My head spins as I try to process what Jason’s telling me. “Interesting.” I choke out the word. “But you’ve never met her?”

“None of us have. I didn’t think it was that serious since he wouldn’t introduce her to us. He always turns us down when we try to set him up with girls, so we let it go.” Jason shrugs. “But then, the other day, he was super giddy after going on a date with her. It’s nice to see him so happy.”

I feel like I’m going to throw up. “Good to know.” I can barely manage to get the words out. “Well, I think we’re done here.”

Jason checks his watch. “We’ve still got ten minutes left.”

“I’m giving them back to you. Enjoy the extra free time.” I get Jason out of my office as quickly as I can before he can see me cry. I shut the door behind him and slide to the floor, head in my hands.

How could I be so naive?

Zack has had a girlfriend this whole time. I never should have trusted him. But what we have feels so real… has he really been lying to me?

I blink hard and try to take deep breaths as hot tears run down my face. I can’t afford to have a total breakdown at work. I have ten minutes to get myself together before my next session.

I close my eyes and focus on putting my hurt feelings into a box. I’ll deal with it later, I promise myself. I can cry as much as I want when I get home.

This isn’t like me. I’m the strong one. The grounded one. So why does this feel like my whole world just cracked open? I keep breathing until the knot in my chest goes away.

I sleepwalk through the rest of my sessions for the day. And then I’m stuck in the office for a little while longer, waiting for Coach Green to be free to take me home.

I finish writing up my sessions and spin in my chair, staring at the wall. I can feel the betrayal trying to break free from the cage I’ve put it in.

I need a distraction. So I pull out my phone and call my brother.

“Hey, Amber.” Mike picks up after the third ring. I can hear sizzling in the background. He must be making dinner. “What’s up?”

“Is now an okay time to talk?” My voice breaks a little.

“I would have sent you to voicemail if it wasn’t.” Mike pulls the phone away from his mouth and murmurs something I don’t catch, maybe for Leah to take over. The cooking sounds recede into the background as he presumably leaves the kitchen.

“I was meaning to call you later, actually. I heard about Zack’s mom.”

Of course. With everything on my mind, I’d almost forgotten. “It’s so awful. But she’s doing well, last I heard.”

“Yeah, Zack told me she was stable.” Mike pauses. “I was surprised you texted me to come get him, though. I’d have thought he would be the one to ask.”

“He’s not great at asking for help.” I deflect the accusation. “He happened to run into me this morning, and I knew you were in the area, and you guys are friends again–”

“You don’t need to make excuses,” Mike says with a laugh. “I’m just glad you two have worked things out. You must have, if you’re willing to help him.”

“Well…” This morning seems so far away now. Everything has changed since then. “Do you know anything about him seeing anyone?”

Mike pauses. “Not specifically, no. But you know hockey players. Seems they’re always hooking up with someone, right? They have a reputation for picking up a new “puck bunny” in every town…”

I rub my hand over my face. That’s not what I wanted to hear. “Sure, but I thought Zack said he didn’t date.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t.” Mike’s response gives me a moment of hope before he bursts the bubble. “One-night stands don’t count as dating.”

I sigh. “Right.”

“This is why I told you not to get involved with Zack,” Mike says in his full older-brother smugness. “Never mind your history. You can’t trust a player.”

“Yeah, thanks for the heads-up.” I hope he can hear the sarcasm in my voice. It’s a little late for that now.

“ Are things good with you and Zack?” Mike asks carefully. “I didn’t mean to assume…”

“They were.” They were better than good, in fact. Things were great until I heard about this Joyce person. Then I shake my head. “They are. Everything’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

I can picture the exact face Mike is making when he responds. “ Oookay. Just let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“I will. Thanks, Mike.” I sigh. “Love you.”

“Love you more!” He hangs up the phone. I close my eyes and slump forward onto my desk. Mike has somehow made me feel better and worse at the same time. What else are brothers for?

Mike’s right. I never should have gotten involved with Zack in the first place. I never should have trusted him, let alone let him get so close to my heart again…

As if he can hear my heartbreak, my phone pings.

Zack: Thank you again for your support today. I miss you.

I stare at the screen. And say nothing.