Page 13

Chapter 13

AMBER

Zack was off his game at the scrimmage today, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m home, supposed to be working on my notes from the week to send to Dr. Stone, but instead I’m just staring at a blinking cursor.

My mind keeps going back to Zack at practice today. He usually seems so composed, effortlessly executing difficult moves. His skills as a center are unmatched – there’s a good reason he’s one of the starters for the Blades. But you wouldn’t have known that based on what I saw at the scrimmage.

He was distracted—off in a way I’ve never seen from him before.

There’s no real precedence for this. As soon as I realized I wasn’t going to be able to focus on my notes, I did a deep dive into Zack’s playing history. He’s not a perfect player, nobody is, but he’s fairly consistent.

Going all the way back to his rookie year, he showed up on the scoreboard almost every game with a score or an assist. He’s an extremely strong player, and the Blades are lucky to have him.

I’m honestly a little worried about him. He wasn’t his usual authoritative self today. He didn’t call as many plays, and there were many moments when I caught him standing there like a deer in the headlights, watching the game pass him by, before snapping back into action. Or he’d be just a second too late to respond to an attack and lose possession of the puck.

It was strange, and so unlike him that I almost think something might be seriously wrong. I’ll ask him about it tomorrow during his session. Maybe he’ll open up.

A knock on my door startles me out of my thoughts, and I go to see who it is.

As if I’ve summoned him straight from my mind, Zack is standing on my doorstep, his hands stuffed deep into his pockets. “Can we talk?” he says as soon as I open the door.

I let him in, confused about why he’s visiting me at such a late hour. Or visiting me at all outside the Blades facility. “Hey, Zack. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Zack paces across my small living room, crossing it in a few long, powerful strides. He rubs his hand over his scruffy jaw, tension radiating off him. I settle myself back on the couch, tucking my feet up under me. It makes me feel a little more secure to sit curled up like this, some animal instinct telling me to present a smaller target or something.

When Zack keeps pacing, I gesture to the other end of the couch, the only place to sit in my tiny apartment. “You can sit too, you know. In fact, I think I’d like you to. You’re making me a little tense.” I let out a nervous laugh.

Zack finally stops moving and sits down at the other end of the couch, but he won’t look at me. He’s stiff as a board, fists clenched on top of his knees. But he still doesn’t say whatever it is that’s on his mind. I can practically hear his mind whirring, going a mile a minute. I know he overthinks things, but I can’t talk it out with him if he stays silent.

I decide to initiate. “So… what did you want to talk to me about?”

A muscle clenches in Zack’s jaw. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I didn’t play so well today.”

“Um…” I fidget, trying to figure out the nicest way to put things. “You might have had a little bit of an off day, but it’s normal. Nobody plays at their top form one hundred percent of the time.”

Zack rolls his eyes. “It was way worse than just an off day. I’ve been off for weeks. Pretty much ever since…” He shoots me a quick glance, then looks away, down at his hands. He laces his fingers together, squeezing them tightly. “Anyway. I’ve been off for a while now.”

“I’m sorry,” I say automatically, but it’s with a tone of sympathy, not guilt. I don’t think I have anything to apologize for, not really.

I’m pretty sure he just implied that I’m somehow the problem here, distracting him and making him play worse. That’s more than a little unfair, considering I was assigned here by a team manager who works above both our pay grades.

I certainly didn’t choose to work for the Blades. And I’m just doing my job, anyway.

“I think you’ve been playing well.” I’m trying to encourage him, but Zack brushes me off.

“Coach Green has had to pull me aside to give me lectures at almost every practice. No matter what I do, it’s wrong.” Zack sighs, running a hand through his hair. “It’s not… I don’t want it to be your fault. But it is. And I can’t keep pretending that your being here doesn’t affect me.”

My head is spinning. “Whoa. What are you–”

Zack cuts me off before I can finish. “It’s you, Amber. I was doing perfectly fine before you showed up. And now everything’s upside down. You’re all I can think about.” He sounds a little angry about it, but resigned, too.

“Every morning, you’re the first thing on my mind, because I can’t wait to see you at practice. I act stupid on the ice, showing off for you, like some kind of dumb peacock, so you’ll be impressed by what I can do. And walking you home has very quickly become my favorite part of the day. Even when we don’t talk, I just like being with you.” He looks at me, his eyes soft and pleading.

He looks down at his hands before meeting my eyes again. “I don’t know what this is, but I feel… something. Something I haven’t felt in a very long time. And everything’s changed because of it.”

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. I can’t breathe, let alone respond to Zack’s speech. He takes my shocked silence as some kind of dismissal and stands up. He hangs his head and starts back to the door.

Thankfully, I remember how to use my arms, and I manage to grab his hand on the way by. A jolt shoots through me at the touch. “Wait.” He turns, his eyes full of something dangerously close to hope. “I…I feel it, too.”

Zack lets out a relieved sigh, a smile spreading across his face. He’s never looked more beautiful than he does at that moment. “Really?”

“Really.” I feel tears springing to my eyes, and I blink them away. “Please, stay for just a minute so we can talk about this.”

Zack releases my hand and sits back down across from me on the couch. I still feel that current flowing between us, even when we aren’t touching. “I don’t know what to do,” he says, his voice almost a whisper. “About… us.”

Us. The simple word sends a thrill through me. “Can’t we just be adults about it?” A giddy laugh sneaks out of me. “I know our situation isn’t exactly normal, but how would normal people handle this?”

Zack’s laugh is a lot more bitter than mine. “Normal people wouldn’t be in this situation. There’s nowhere to go from here.”

My heart sinks, deflating like a balloon. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we can’t be together. Not while you’re still one of the coaches and I’m one of the players.” Zack shakes his head. “There’s just too much standing in our way.”

“Now, hold on.” I sit up straighter on the couch. “That’s just an issue of personal and professional boundaries. Now that things are all out in the open between us, we should be able to separate things more easily. Right?”

“It’s more of a power dynamic thing.” Zack leans back into the couch, looking defeated. “You’re technically in a position of authority over me. It’s unethical.”

“Unethical?” I actually laugh. “Look, it’s not like I’m your boss. I don’t control your ice time. I’m not that kind of coach, even though Coach wants us treated as part of the coaching staff, we’re not—we’re consultants hired by the franchise, with no influence other than to hopefully improve your mental game.”

I see a little hope rise in Zack’s eyes, so I continue. "Of course, our relationship is off-limits due to my professional expectations. But it is not unethical .”

My voice softens. “And the stuff we talk about in sessions? It’s nothing more personal than what you’d tell a friend. Which, once upon a time, I was.”

Zack tilts his head to look at me. “You really think we could make this work?”

“I mean… I’d like to.” Just admitting it makes my insides turn to jelly, but it’s a pleasant sensation, and one I haven’t felt since… I can’t remember when. “We’ll have to be careful.”

Zack nods. “Probably should keep things on the down low until after your assignment is up. We don’t want to mess up your job here with the Blades. ”

“Yeah. And it would not go well for the team or Coach Green to suspect anything.” I add. “I have worked hard to have professional rapport there. We can take our time, figure out whatever this is–” I gesture between the two of us. “And then, when my time with the Blades is done, we can go from there. How does that sound?”

“I think that sounds like the smartest thing to do.” Zack screws up his face. “But what if I don’t want to be smart?”

I throw my head back and laugh, even as excited shivers race down my spine. “I understand how you feel. But we both have jobs to do. We have to stay professional, at least when we’re at the rink.”

“And when we’re not…” Zack’s eyes sparkle with mischief. Oh, this man could get me into all kinds of trouble. I need to stop him now before things go too far.

I swat at him, nudging him off the couch. “It’s late. You should be getting home. We can draw clearer professional boundaries when it’s not the middle of the night.”

“Okay, okay.” Even though I know he could stop me easily, Zack lets me shove him out the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow!” he calls as I shut the door on him.

“See you tomorrow!” I shout back.

I collapse onto the couch, lightheaded and breathless. Something real just shifted between us. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring—but for the first time in a long time, I want to find out.