Page 34 of October (New Orleans #10)

F inley lay awake, staring up at Molly’s ceiling, with her arms behind her head on the pillow.

It was after five in the morning, and she hadn’t yet fallen asleep.

They’d gotten back from the bar early; it had only been around nine.

And they’d gone straight to the bedroom, but their first time together had only lasted for maybe thirty or forty-five minutes.

She hadn’t exactly been keeping track, but she knew it hadn’t lasted long.

She also knew that Molly had faked it at least once.

She tried to think of anything else now, but there it was, re-entering her brain.

Finley had been a little distracted by the first orgasm.

Her own had come on so quickly. Being pressed into Molly like that, having her clit rubbing against Molly’s had been more than enough to make her come, but it had been Molly’s sounds that had really taken her over the edge.

Now, she wondered if those were even real or if Molly had faked two orgasms. She knew the second one wasn’t real.

Molly wasn’t exactly an award-winning actress.

After several minutes of stroking, Finley knew it wasn’t going anywhere, and she was prepared to do anything Molly needed to help, but Molly chose to fake it instead.

When Finley rolled off of her, the thought of having Molly touch her in the moment wasn’t something she could handle.

It was their first time. It was supposed to be perfect. Or, at least, close to it.

She had pressured her. That was all Finley could think of after deciding to push the sounds of Molly’s fake orgasm out of her mind.

Finley had pressured her. They’d been talking about sex before they’d gone into the bar.

Finley should have suggested they finish that conversation, that they wait until they were both ready, but she hadn’t.

She’d gotten jealous of Ava, who had been laughing with Molly for a minute before she joined the group at the booth, invited by Molly, even though Molly and Finley were on a double date.

Finley knew Molly had been there with her , but she still hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that Molly had recently gone out with the woman sitting across from them.

She also knew she had no right to be jealous when Molly had watched her date India on and off for years, and they’d been an actual couple and had done all the couple things.

Molly and Ava hadn’t even kissed on their date.

She’d been stupid to let the jealousy get to her and to make it more about her claiming Molly at the bar than just being with her, comfortable in the fact that Molly had chosen her, not Ava.

She shouldn’t have touched Molly in the bar.

She shouldn’t have taken her back to her place and pressed her against the door.

Finley knew Molly wasn’t present then. Why hadn’t she stopped them?

Why hadn’t she told Molly that they should finish their conversation?

“You’re awake?”

Finley looked over and saw Molly lying on her side with her eyes open, staring at her.

“Did I wake you?”

“No, I just woke up,” Molly replied in a sleepy voice that Finley loved.

“Go back to sleep. I was just thirsty, so I wanted to get a drink. I’ll be right back.”

Finley wasn’t thirsty, but it was a good excuse for being awake. She couldn’t tell Molly the real reason she was still up.

“Okay,” Molly said, sounding like she didn’t quite believe her.

Finley pushed the blanket away and stood up naked in Molly’s room, turning to her to give her a small smile before she walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

She took her time filling a glass she had found in a cabinet with water and drank it down before refilling it and taking it to the bedroom with her.

Molly’s eyes were closed when she returned, but Finley wasn’t sure if she was asleep already or not.

She placed her glass on the table by the bed and walked into the bathroom.

Having closed the door quietly, she didn’t know what to do with herself now.

She didn’t have to pee, but she didn’t know how to keep lying in the bed, thinking about how she’d ruined their first time together, and what it might mean for their second time if they got one.

Would Molly give her a second chance? Was she upset?

Did she regret that they had taken this step tonight?

Was this the end for them? They’d been picking out raincoats and toys for a new puppy earlier that night, and now, she was staring into Molly’s mirror, thinking about how Molly had come out of this bathroom earlier, and it looked like she’d been crying.

Finley covered her eyes with her hands and shook her head. What had she done to them?

“Fin?”

Finley dropped her hands and said, “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Molly asked through the closed door.

“Yes. I just…” She turned around where she stood. “I was going to take a shower since I was up. Will that bother you?”

“No,” Molly said. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, sure,” she replied, and took a step away from the counter toward the bathtub as the door opened. “Sorry if I woke you again. I had to pee.”

There was her second lie of the morning, and it wasn’t even six yet.

“It’s okay,” Molly said. “Are you always up this early, though? That might be a problem. It’s the weekend, Finley.”

Finley had to swallow hard because Molly hadn’t gotten dressed yet, either, and while her arms were crossed over her breasts, how they had been last night, Finley still had a pretty perfect view.

“Not usually, no,” she said and bent over to start the water. “I think I was thirsty, and then I had to pee, and that woke me up.”

“Oh,” Molly uttered. “I’m naked right now, aren’t I?”

She looked down at herself.

Finley laughed a little and asked, “Did you just now realize that?”

“Yes,” Molly said. “We fell asleep naked, and I kind of forgot, which I shouldn’t have because you’re still naked, and you’re…” Molly motioned toward her. “Perfect.”

Finley put her hand under the spray to check the water temperature and said, “I’m far from perfect. And you’re gorgeous, Molly.” She nodded toward the shower. “Want to join me?”

“In the shower?”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never done that.”

“Taken a shower?”

Molly laughed and said, “With another woman, no.”

“Really? Not your thing?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never asked a woman I was dating, and none of them ever asked me.”

“Do you want to maybe try it for the first time with me? I could wash your hair. There’s something about someone else washing your hair for you that’s just so nice.”

Molly nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Babe, come in with me,” she said, realizing that Molly was probably thinking about how some woman or maybe multiple women had washed Finley’s hair for her.

She held her hand out for Molly to take, which she did, pulling her arms away from her chest to do so.

Finley pulled her toward herself, wrapped her arms around her waist, and held her close.

She had no idea where they stood and knew things were awkward right now, but all she wanted to do was hold Molly and try to make her feel safe.

“Shower?” Molly asked, pulling out of the embrace.

“Sure,” Finley said.

She climbed in first and held out her hand for Molly to come in after.

Then, they both stood under the water for a minute, with Finley slowly running her hands over Molly’s body, wishing this were their fourth or even fifth round because they’d been up having sex all night and decided to move into the shower to continue while they cleaned up.

Instead, Molly looked sad, or maybe confused, and Finley knew she had put that expression there.

“Shampoo?” she asked.

Molly nodded and turned around. Finley picked up the bottle, squirted out some shampoo on her palm, and smelled Molly everywhere then.

Every time they were together, Finley smelled this scent, and now, she was in the shower with this woman she was falling for, massaging her scalp to try to help ease whatever was causing Molly to make that face and to fake her orgasm earlier.

Finley had always been told that she was good at sex.

Her other lovers had been more than generous in their compliments, and that included India, but maybe they were just being nice, and Finley wasn’t that good, after all.

Maybe she was, but it hadn’t worked for Molly.

They should talk. They should discuss what Molly liked, what she didn’t, and how Finley could learn.

Now wasn’t the right time, though. Finley hadn’t slept at all, and Molly looked exhausted, so maybe she had been faking that , too.

“How’s that?” she asked.

“Amazing,” Molly replied in a hushed voice that had her turned on.

Finley tried to push that thought out of her mind, too.

She couldn’t get turned on right now. This was about them reconnecting and enjoying each other, not about sex.

When she finished massaging, she helped Molly rinse the soap from her hair and couldn’t resist pulling her back against her own body.

She wrapped her arms around Molly’s waist and placed her chin on Molly’s shoulder.

Molly’s hands landed on her arms, and she rubbed them back and forth as hot water rushed over them.

Then, Molly’s hand lifted Finley’s and moved it to cover her heart.

Finley smiled and nuzzled her face into Molly’s neck, kissing her there.

“This feels nice,” Molly said softly. “I love when you hold me like this.”

“I love it, too,” she replied.

“Do you–” Molly leaned her head back a little onto Finley’s shoulder. “I mean, do you want to… in here?”

“Sex?”

“Yes,” Molly said.

Finley kissed Molly’s shoulder and said, “I think I always want to be touching you. I have for a while now, but specifically, since that server room kiss. My lips on yours. My hands on your body. I want that all the time now.”

“Not last night,” Molly replied.

Finley lifted her head and said, “I just came. I needed a break. Then, we fell asleep.”

That was another lie.

“Oh,” Molly uttered, and her tone told Finley that she knew. “Okay. Well, I guess we should stop wasting this water and get clean.” Molly pulled away and reached for the shampoo. “Can I wash your hair now? God, we are such lesbians, aren’t we?” She laughed a little, but it was a nervous laugh.

They finished their shower and walked into the bedroom with towels wrapped around them. Finley didn’t have any clothes to change into, and it suddenly felt very crowded to her in this apartment.

“Hey, babe?” she said as she picked up her jeans.

“Yeah?”

“Um… I think I’m going to go,” she said. “I can’t sleep, and you might be able to get some if I leave, so I think I’ll just head home and call you later.”

“You’re leaving?” Molly asked.

She sat on the end of the bed, still wrapped in her towel.

“I’m not tired, and when I’m wired like this, it’s better for me to either walk it off or build something, so I was thinking I’d go work on your laptop, with all this restless energy.”

“Oh. Okay.” Molly looked down at her hands, which were joined in her lap. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

“I’ll call you later?”

“I’m meeting Juliet for breakfast. That was the plan before…” Molly continued to look down at her hands. “Last night. Gwen isn’t going to be there. It’s just for the two of us.”

“Good. You two need some friend hangout time.”

Finley pulled her underwear on and regretted it because she’d been very turned on last night. Her jeans went on next, though, and she buttoned them as she stared at Molly, who still wasn’t looking at her. After pulling on her sports bra and her shirt, she knelt in front of Molly and took her hands.

“Hey, everything’s okay, and I’ll text you later. Maybe we can hang out after you have breakfast with Jules. Lunch or a movie, if you want.”

“Sure,” Molly replied, but Finley could tell that she was anything but sure.

Finley lifted herself a bit and kissed Molly on the forehead.

“I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah,” Molly said.

Finley stood and slipped on her socks and shoes.

She didn’t know why she was doing this. She could tell Molly was hurting.

And she knew they needed to talk, but she couldn’t.

If they talked, and if Molly told her that she regretted last night or that Finley had pushed her into something she wasn’t ready for, this would be over between them, and she couldn’t handle that on no sleep and a very sad and confused heart.

“I’ll text you,” she said again.

Then, she turned, left Molly’s apartment, and pressed herself to the wall next to the front door, taking a very deep breath.

She’d known she was in deep with Molly already, but she hadn’t realized just how deep she was.

She thought about the psychic old woman suggesting that the two of them should be together, and she thought about last night when she had been on top of Molly, kissing her and feeling Molly pressed to her body.

It had started off so perfectly; she hadn’t thought anything could go wrong.

She walked down and outside and decided to continue walking around the block.

It was after six in the morning, so not much was open.

Finley had always loved New Orleans at this time of day.

All the tourists were asleep from long nights out and wouldn’t wake up for hours.

Most locals were still asleep, too, or were in their cars, heading to work.

The sun wasn’t even up yet, but it was peeking through the night.

Finley liked it because usually, this time of day calmed her, but now, she was anything but calm.

As she kept walking, she ran into a Southern Roastery location, and it was already open, serving coffee and pastries to the early risers.

Deciding she would need coffee to keep her awake anyway, she went inside, showed her employee ID, and got her discount on a coffee and a cinnamon scone.

She sat in the store and ate the scone slowly, nearly forgetting about her coffee until she’d finished it.

Then, she took the to-go cup with her and decided to head back to her car and drive herself home to see if she could find her backbone there because she needed courage to talk to Molly later about how she was feeling.