Page 26 of October (New Orleans #10)

S he hadn’t seen Molly yet, which was odd because Finley knew the woman only had one morning meeting.

She’d told her as much the previous night, unless something else had come up at the last minute.

She had seen India, though. Her ex-girlfriend had walked over toward Finley’s cubicle, but someone had seen India, and they’d talked there for a second before they’d walked off together without India giving her another look.

The previous night, while she’d been on the phone with Molly, Finley had wondered for a minute about how she had managed to basically kick India out of her apartment and what she would’ve done had she and Molly not been dating.

She supposed that she probably would have let India kiss her to see if there was anything still there, like she’d done before.

She also thought it likely that they would’ve ended up in bed together and that they would’ve woken up this morning and probably done it again.

Then, India would’ve suggested they grab dinner at her favorite restaurant, where she would have ordered a bottle of wine and asked Finley to share an appetizer that Finley didn’t really want.

She didn’t actually have to wonder because she knew exactly how it all would have played out.

They’d done this all before. What was different this time was that she had Molly.

Well, she didn’t have Molly necessarily; they had only been on a couple of dates.

But it really felt like there could be something here, and Finley wasn’t about to make a mistake with India.

“Hey,” she said happily when Molly walked toward her desk.

“Hi,” Molly replied in a clipped tone and then bent down to pick up her purse.

“Everything okay?”

“Um… I’m not feeling well.”

“You’re sick?” she asked, looking around and seeing no one in the cubes near them. “Molls, you’re sick?”

“Just a little stomach thing, I think. No big deal. Going home. Gotta go. Talk later. Bye.”

Finley hadn’t known Molly well or all that long, but she knew that rambling now. It happened when Molly was either nervous or lying. She wasn’t sure which it was this time, but she watched Molly hurry down the hall and away from her without saying another word.

“Well, fuck,” she said to herself and stood to follow.

She needed to make sure Molly was okay. She’d planned to take her to lunch to tell her about the stupid India thing and to plan their date for that night, but Molly was already in the elevator by the time she arrived.

Finley grabbed the next one and headed toward the parking garage, where she saw Molly tossing her bag into the back seat.

“Molls!” Finley called for her and jogged over to the car. “Are you really okay?”

“I’m fine. Just need some rest and chicken soup or something. See you later.”

“Molly,” she said when she got closer and could finally stop jogging. “What’s going on?”

“I told–”

“If you can honestly tell me that you’re sick, I’ll go back upstairs and tell Levi to cover for me so that I can take you home and make sure you get that soup.

I’ll hold your hair, if you need to throw up, take your temperature, and make you drink water.

Whatever you need. But you did that thing where you barely complete a full sentence before you start the next one, and I’m wondering if you’re trying to avoid me or something. ”

“I’m just…” Molly looked over Finley’s shoulder. “Can you get in the car? I don’t want to do this out here.”

“This?” Finley asked. “This what?”

“Fin, please.”

“Yeah, okay,” Finley replied and walked around to the other side of the car, her heart racing because this couldn’t be a good thing.

She opened the door and got inside. Molly didn’t turn the car on, but she did close her own door, giving them privacy for whatever was to come.

“Molls? Talk to me, please.”

“I don’t think we should do this anymore,” Molly said, staring straight ahead.

“What?”

“Date.”

“Yeah, I got that.” Finley turned to her. “Why not?”

“Fin, it’s not over.”

“What’s not over?” she asked, squinting at her in confusion.

“You and India.”

“What are you talking about? I told you–”

“She was at your place last night.”

“She was, yes. But how did you know that?”

“I overheard her on the phone when I got in this morning.”

“Molls, I was going to tell you when I saw you. I thought we could grab lunch.”

“To tell me that you’re giving her another chance or that she’s still in love with you and doesn’t seem to care that we’re dating?”

“To tell you that she came over to get a dress that she needed for something, tried to kiss me, but I pulled away.”

Molly turned to her then and asked, “She kissed you?”

“ Tried to, Molly. I stood up before she even got close.”

“She still loves you.”

“I think she’s struggling with us being apart for good, yes, but I’m sorry, that’s not my problem. I’ve made it as clear as I could to her. She tried to do something stupid last night, but nothing happened, Molly.”

“You didn’t say anything on the phone.”

“No, because I was going to tell you in person. We were having a good call, and I didn’t want to make it about my ex-girlfriend.”

Molly nodded.

“Molls, I know you saw us together a lot and that you’ve liked me for a while, but I can’t really help that. All I can do is tell you that I don’t want to get back together with her and hope you’ll believe me.”

“I don’t want to be like this, you know?”

“Like what?”

Molly turned toward the wall again and stared at it.

“This insecure person who can’t believe that someone wants to be with me,” she replied. “I’ve always been this way a little, but with you, it’s way worse.”

“But why? You act like I’m something special. I’m just a nerd you met at work who happens to like the same football team you do.”

“You’re Finley,” Molly said with a smile, but still stared at the concrete.

“You’re the woman I’ve wanted for a long time now, and I see India, who walks around here like she owns the place, including you, and it’s hard.

I can still see the two of you kissing in this very parking garage.

And when I heard her talking to whomever she was talking to earlier, it was like everything came crashing in all at once.

I finally got to be with you, even if it was only a few dates and an amazing kiss, but I don’t know that I can be someone who’s confident enough to compete with someone like India. ”

“No one’s asking you to. There’s no competition, Molly. I don’t want her. I want you.” She reached for Molly’s hand, but Molly didn’t move her own from her thigh, so Finley just touched it briefly and pulled back.

“It’s not you. There’s something wrong with me. I don’t know. Maybe I do have what my dad had, just to a smaller extent. The therapist I went to as a teenager said I was fine, but I’m starting to wonder.”

“The anxiety thing?”

“Some things are hard for me, and I think this is one of them.”

“I make you anxious?”

“Not knowing what to expect makes me anxious. Not knowing if you’re going to dump me either for India, someone else, or no one at all makes me anxious.

Thinking about going out to a bar one night and seeing another woman hit on you and not being able to do anything about it because I’d be too scared makes me anxious. ”

“Molly,” Finley began and placed her hand back on top of Molly’s. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, either. No one does. I can tell you that I’m not getting back together with India. I can say that I want you and only you. But I don’t know what the future holds. You could dump me. ”

Molly laughed and said, “Yeah, right.”

“It could happen. You haven’t come over yet, expecting us to go out to eat, only to find me with my noise-canceling headphones on the floor, working on my computer, having forgotten about the date completely.”

“That wouldn’t be enough for me to dump you, Finley.”

“Okay. Well, I’m not a doctor or anything, so I’m not going to give you a diagnosis, but have you ever thought that the anxiety you’re feeling about me is because it’s a new relationship? Everyone gets anxious when it matters, Molly. I’m anxious right now.”

“You are? Why?”

“Because you just told me that this was over,” she said and shook her head. “Did you forget that part?”

“It’s too scary, Finley.” Molly shook her head. “I don’t think I can handle it.”

“Why not? We can handle it together.”

“But I can’t,” Molly said, and tears welled in her eyes. “I just need to go home, Finley. I need to be alone and think.”

Finley pulled her hand back, feeling like Molly probably didn’t want to be touched right now.

“Okay,” she said. “But can you just promise me something?”

“What?”

“I’m sorry you overheard India talking. I don’t know what she said, but if I need to yell at her for hurting you, I will, Molly.”

“That’s not a promise,” Molly said.