Page 99 of Not So Goode
“What’s that?”
“Take off the cut. Fold it up. Put it in a box, and forget it. That’s past. Quit hangin’ on to it. You have my permission, Crow. You’re not just out good, you’re out for good. I’ll always answer your call, no matter what, no matter when. But if you don’t quit clinging to this goddamn fool notion that you don’t get to have more than this—?” He gestured at the tour around us, the bus, the semi full of equipment, the bustle. “You’ll never be anythingbutthis. If it was all you were capable of, I’d get it. But you know that ain’t true, and shit, I know Myles knows it, I’ve talked to him about it. He don’t need you. He keeps you on because you’re his brother. But he’d be happy to see the back of you, if it meant you were doing something worthy of the talents you got.”
I felt him, then—Myles. Turned, saw him leaning against a semitruck tire a few feet away, listening. Lexie was leaning against him, hand on his chest, dressed in ripped tight jeans and a white sports bra and nothing else, not even shoes.
He left Lexie, and came over to me and grabbed my shoulders. He shook me. “Crow. Listen to him.”
I shook my head. “She left me. It ain’t meant to be. This is my life.”
Myles shoved me, hard. “You know damn well she was just scared. You let her go because you’re just as scared. You found something you want, and the minute she wavered, you caved. You talk a big talk about being a fighter, solving shit with your fists. And you know, there’s not a soul on this planet I’d rather have at my side in a fight, or with a guitar, on the road. But you’re a fuckin’ coward and a pussy, Crow.” He was pissed—pissed. “You been wasting away doing this shit foryears, man. This ain’t your dream, it’smine.”
Hurt blazed through me. “Fuck you, Myles.”
He grabbed me, and refused to let go. “You are my brother. I’d be stuck doing dive bars without you. I don’t know what I’ll do you without you.” He lifted his chin, and I saw that look in his eye, the one that said he was fixing to tackle a tiger. “You’re fired, Crow.”
I reeled back on my heels. “What?”
He glanced at Alyn, the kid I’d been training to be a backup tech. “You’re my new tech. Crow is moving on. Got it?”
Alyn’s eyes widened. “Um. Yeah. Yes. Yes, sir!”
“You can do it, yeah?”
He nodded eagerly. “Yes, sir! I know all the songs. I know how to take care of all the guitars. I can tune by ear in the dark, one handed.”
I felt Tran grab me by the shoulders as I lunged at Myles. “The fuck are you on about? That kid ain’t ready.”
“You trained him. You told me just last month you thought he could take over once in a while.”
“Yeah, once in a while! Not full time!”
“Trial by fire. US tour’s over in a few days anyway. He’ll have time to brush up before the overseas leg starts.”
I knew what he was doing, but it still gutted me to pieces. “You can’t fire me, Myles.”
He stepped into me, snagged me by the neck, butted his forehead against mine. “I can, and I am. Only way you’ll figure out what the fuck to do with yourself.” He held me, and refused to let go. “Make me a guitar. Write me songs, record on them your phone and send ‘em over. Go get your girl.”
“She’s not my girl.”
“She wants to be. She should be.” He shook me. “Yourgirl.Yourwoman. Not your old lady. That ain’t you no more, brother. Gobesomeone, goddammit.”
I hadn’t cried since Mom and Dad died, and only then alone in bed, stifling it into a pillow. Now, I felt the tears sting. “Fuck.”
He laughed. “Got you, finally.” He shook me again, released me. Shoved me. “Go, motherfucker. I mean it. I know you still got River Dog’s truck and Airstream, all his luthier tools. Go get it, and drive up to Alaska. Put it all out there for Charlie,allof it. All ofyou. She may say no. She may break your heart worse’n it is now. But you’ll regret it your whole fuckin’ life if you don’t at least try.”
“Me and him, the people you’re closest to in the whole fuckin’ world,” Tran said, “we’re both sayin’ the same damn thing. Think we’re both wrong?”
I pivoted away, hands in my hair, staring at the sky, orange-red with that wide Texas sunset. “No. You’re not both wrong.” I trembled, knowing what I had to do, knowing it was right, and scared as fuck of it.
“If she says no…” I started.
“She won’t,” Lexie cut in. “Trust me.”
“How do you know?” I rasped.
She showed me her phone.
The last text from Charlie:I miss him so much.