Page 96 of Not So Goode

“Lex, I—”

“The point is, here, on this bus, this tour, Myles, the whole thing? It’s a chance to start over. To really find myself. College is gone, done. Never going back. I’ll never get a degree, which means those years are wasted.” She fixed her eyes on mine. “So what do I have, now? My guitar and my ukulele, and a man who thinks I’m pretty all right, as a person. Who doesn’t judge me for my stupid decisions. Is it love? Fuck if I know. I don’t think he does either. Maybe it’ll burn out. I don’t know. I just know I’m not going to Alaska…yet.” She held my gaze, shook her head. “You go. I’m staying here.”

Tears burned in my eyes. On my cheeks. In my mouth. “Lex, I—”

“We have different paths from here, Char-Char. That’sokay. You came and got me when I needed you, and I’m thankful. I love you. I don’t expect you to understand. But this is where I’m going, for right now. See this through, whatever it looks like.”

I hugged her. “Okay, okay.” I clung tight. “You should have called me sooner.”

“You’d have talked me out of it. Maybe it’s wrong, I don’t know, but it was what was right for me. I couldn’t have that man’s baby. Wouldn’t. It was all a mistake, I know that, but I wasn’t about to pay that price. I’ll probably burn in hell for it, but it’s done, and I had to do it alone.”

“Just…don’t get into the same situation with Myles,” I murmured.

“I won’t. We’re careful.” A squeeze. “Plus, he’s different.”

“Lex—”

“We’re good right now, Charlie,” she said. “Shut up so you don’t ruin it.”

I laughed. “Fine. Just be smart.”

She pulled away. “For the record, I think you walking away right now is a mistake.”

I frowned. “Now it’s your turn to shut up before you ruin things.”

She held out her hands. “All I’m saying. He’s a good man. And he’s good for you.” She hugged me, kissed my cheek. “But you do you, boo.”

“I will, Lex. I will.”

She nodded. “And that’s your right, as a person. Just like this is mine.”

I groaned. “I’m going. You have your stuff?”

“I brought it all on earlier.” She hugged me again. “You sure you’re okay?”

I nodded. Shook my head. Shrugged. “I don’t know. I just…I need to be in Alaska. I need to think.”

“Be safe, okay?” She shoved me away. “Go. Say hi to Mom and Cass for me.”

“I will. What should I tell them?”

“That I’m doing my own thing, and I’ll be along…whenever.” She sighed. “Tell them whatever you want. The truth, even.”

I shook my head. “No, that’s your story to tell, not mine.”

“You can’t lie for me, Charlie. You’re incapable of that.”

“I know. But I don’t have to say anything, either. I can just say what happened and what you’re doing is your business.”

She smiled. “Perfect. Love you, Char. Thank you.”

“Love you too. Be good.”

She snorted. “Nah. That’s boring.”

I laughed, and left the bus. I had to push past Crow, who refused to move out the way. My car was waiting, idling, brought around for me, probably at the behest of Crow.

“Thanks,” I murmured.