Page 5 of Not So Goode

I frowned. “How do you figure? They’reyourboobs, Lex.”

“Yeah, butIdon’t care what they look like, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks about what I look like, either. Some guy looks at me in fifty years and is like, ew, yuck, her titties hang down to her kneecaps, I’m gonna be like, motherfucker, if you don’t like ‘em then don’t look at ‘em.”

I laughed. “Fair enough, I suppose.” I frowned. “What if it’s your husband?”

She shrugged. “He better love me for me, and not for the shape of my titties.”

I shook my head. “Why do you call them that?”

“What, titties? It’s fun. It’s a fun word. And if you think about them objectively, titties are kinda funny. Like, they’re these big bags of fat that just hang off your chest jiggling like fuckin’ Jell-O with every move you make, and are largely useless for the vast majority of your life.”

“They’re notjustfat, Lex.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “Wellthank youfor that helpful anatomy lesson, Charlotte, because I’venevertaken an anatomy or physiology course in my life and have absolutely no clue what my breasts are made of. Whatever would I do without your invaluable insight?”

I cackled. “Still got the sarcasm, I see.”

“Why yes, I am the holy mother of sarcasm, Char-Char.” She wiggled her fingers at me. “I dare you to go a whole day without a bra.” She stuck her tongue out at me, and wiggled it side to side. “Double-dog dare you.”

“What are we, five?”

She grasped the hem of her shirt, lifted it, and shook her boobs at me—and, annoyingly, despite being only three years younger than me, hers were perkierandbigger than mine. “Come on. Off with that titty-prison. Try it.”

“No! I don’t find it comfortable.”

“What’s the longest you’ve gone without a bra, aside from sleeping?” She asked.

I frowned. “Why? What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Because you’re probably just not used it.” She rubbed her breasts in her palms, under her shirt. “You know that feeling of taking off a bra at the end of the day? Imagine that feeling, butall day long. It’s amazing. Try it.”

I sighed. “You know what? Fine. We’re just going to be in the car all day, so why not?”

I slipped my arms out of the sleeves of my T-shirt, unfastened my bra, slipped it off, and put my arms back out. And boy was that weird. Loose, airy. Jiggly.

I shrugged my shoulders, wiggled my torso. “That’s just odd. I don’t mind it at home, but I’m going to be self-conscious as hell if we go in anywhere.”

She just waved. “Because no one has ever seen a woman’s nipples through her shirt before. Oh, the horror. The everlasting shame. It’s NIPPLES. Whichever unlucky soul sees you might pass out from sheer scandalized mortification, because they saw your titties.”

I sighed. “Are you done?” I dangled my bra—yellow, as a matter of fact—from a finger. “I took it off—happy? Now can we go? I thought you wanted donuts? Also, I need a real breakfast.”

She tugged my shirt up with a finger, baring my boobs. “Also, when I said ‘unlucky soul,’ what I clearly meant was damned fortunate soul, becausegirl, you got some nice titties.”

I yanked away from her. “Lex. Are wequitefinished talking about breasts, yet? I feel like this conversation has gone on for a very long time.”

She just grinned at me, and went about yanking clothes out of her drawers and bins, placing them into stacked outfits. “What? You have really nice boobs, Char. A nice firm C cup, round, a little pointy, not too far apart and not to close together.”

I cackled. “What, are you boob expert, now?”

She continued laying out clothing, along with a pair of well-worn Birkenstocks, a pair of TOMS, and a pair of sneakers. Some underclothes, including two actual bras. Most of her clothing was…as unusual as the outfit she was wearing—unique, colorful, wild, daring.

“Yeah, I guess I am. Or, I’m just trying to build you up. You’re self-conscious because you keep them imprisoned all day every day.” She quirked an eyebrow at me. “I bet you’ve had sex with a bra on, haven’t you?”

“I’m not telling you that, Lex.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“Because youhave!” she shouted, laughing. “You totally have, or you’d just deny it.”

“So? So what, Lex?”