Page 34 of Not in the Plans (London Lightning #1)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

OLIVIA

Imogen

Think you can peel yourself away from Tag long enough to have dinner with us tonight?

Sienna

We miss you!

Olivia

I saw you two last weekend

Imogen

That was last weekend

Imogen

I’m beginning to forget what you look like

You’re being dramatic

Sienna

Question still stands

Sienna

Are you free tonight?

Yes

I can cook dinner if you want

Imogen

There’s that new Japanese restaurant opening I want to go to

Imogen

Is that okay?

Sure

Imogen

Great

Imogen

I’ll make a reservation

7?

Imogen

Yes

Sienna

See you then xx

Imogen

Tell Tag we said hiiii x

I lock my phone and stuff it into my desk drawer, ignoring the pain that slices through my heart at the mention of Tag.

I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell these two about me and Tag. It’s not like not telling them is going to make it any less real.

But it’s better this way.

Since Tag and I ended things, life has been quiet. Orderly .

I know what every minute of each day will bring. Exactly what I need.

Shuffling a stack of papers around on my desk, I try to get my head back into the reports I’m working on. The numbers are blending together.

I can’t focus. Why can’t I focus? Things are supposed to be easier now that my life is back on track. My five-year plan is exactly what I want.

Then why do I feel so terrible?

Resigning myself to not getting any work done today, I send an email to my boss letting him know I’m taking the rest of the afternoon off and head home.

Another thing that is unlike me.

Since I started work, I have never taken a day off, other than the one I spent with Natalie. Even when I was feeling under the weather, I would answer emails from home.

I never wanted people to think they couldn’t rely on me.

I blow out a breath as I slip into my coat and wrap my scarf around my neck. A cold, biting wind has its fingers in the weather, and I hate it.

I bow my head as I walk straight into it.

My cheeks are frozen by the time I make it back to my flat. Sinking onto the sofa, everything feels empty.

Dull.

The pillows are exactly where they should be. The bookshelf is clean. The bed? Made with military precision before I left for work.

Everything is exactly as I like it. Maybe if I take a short nap before dinner tonight, I’ll feel better.

Kicking off my heels and throwing my coat over the back of the sofa, I head into my room to lie down.

But it does nothing .

My mind is a whirling mess of thoughts.

I’ve tried calling my parents since bumping into them at the restaurant, but no surprise, my calls have gone unanswered.

I did everything right growing up.

Got a perfect score on every test.

Played the piano to perfection.

Was the perfect daughter anytime guests came to the house.

And yet, something about me isn’t good enough.

I lie for hours staring at the ceiling. Tears come and go as I try to stave off everything I’m feeling. Maybe dinner with Imogen and Sienna will help me see things in a better light.

Seeing that it’s nearing seven, I realise I’m going to be late. For the first time in my life.

Grabbing the first pair of shoes I find, I hurry out of my flat and hail a taxi. I fire off the address of the new restaurant and watch as the city flies by.

When the cab stops in front of the restaurant, I tap my card to the reader and hop out. There’s a line around the block, but I know Imogen was able to secure a reservation.

My friends give me funny looks as I’m shown to our table.

“What’s wrong?” The moment I sit down, Imogen and Sienna are on me.

“Why is something wrong?”

Imogen makes a dramatic show of checking her watch. “It is ten minutes after seven. You’re late.”

“Only a few minutes.” I grab my napkin and rest it on my lap.

Sienna looks at me like I have three heads. “You’re never late. On time is late for you. Actually being late? I don’t think it has ever happened. ”

“Can we order drinks?” I ignore them, picking up the menu and giving it a quick scan, not really seeing anything.

“Oh, no.” Imogen takes the menu from me. “We are not ordering drinks until you tell us what is going on.”

“Nothing is going on.” I don’t sound convincing, even to myself.

“Liv, darling. Your hair is down. You are wearing black pants with navy shoes. Seriously, something is wrong with you, and now I’m worried.” Imogen scoots her chair closer to me. “What’s wrong? Did something happen with Tag?”

I burst into tears. No subtle tear sliding down my cheek. Deep, heaving sobs in the middle of the restaurant.

“Oh, Olivia.” I can’t hear whose voice tries to comfort me over the sound of my own cries.

“What happened, darling?”

I can’t get any words out as I struggle to take in any form of breath.

“We…we…”

“Deep breaths,” Sienna coos, stroking my hair. “Take a deep breath.”

I try, but it hurts. My body aches with the pain of losing the man I love.

“It’s okay, Liv. It’s okay.” Imogen rubs my back as the two of them try to calm me down.

I don’t know how long the two of them comfort me, but it helps. The tears don’t stop, but my breathing evens out.

“We weren’t a match,” I confess.

“I don’t believe that for a second,” Imogen says. “We saw the two of you together. You were perfect together.”

“It’s true,” Sienna agrees. “That man loves you.”

I shake my head. “No. He loved the idea of me. He made things messy. I need my plan. ”

“Liv, I think you need a little tough love,” Imogen says. “I love you, darling. You’re one of my closest friends?—”

“But?” I interrupt.

“But your plan is crap. It was designed to make your parents love you, when they were the worst humans. You are one of the best people we know. You will do anything for your friends and you love us fiercely.”

“I agree,” Sienna says. “Tag was the perfect man for you because he brought you out of your shell. He made you see that you deserve love. That you are worthy of it.”

The tears start flowing again. Our waiter spots us and, seeing the state I’m in, turns to leave.

“My parents really did a number on me, didn’t they?” I try to laugh it off, but I can’t.

“You know,” Imogen says, “you could benefit from talking to someone about this.”

“I’m talking to you two, aren’t I?”

Sienna passes a tissue from her purse. “I think she means a therapist. A professional.”

“Really?”

They both nod. Sienna brushes a stray lock of hair out of my face. “We love you, but this situation? I think you really should talk to someone. Because neither of us want to see you lose Tag.”

“It feels like I’m admitting defeat.”

“No, love. It means you realise you need help and are being an adult by seeking it out.”

“Yes,” Sienna agrees. “I think it’ll help you more than you know.”

“But Tag…”

“Focus on you, love. That’s the most important thing to start with. Tag will come later because I believe he was always your plan. ”

Maybe Tag was the plan. But until then, I think they’re right.

Working on myself and then figuring out what to do next.

I only hope I didn’t ruin the best thing I ever had in my life.