Page 85 of Not In The Contract

“No!”

“Aw, why not?” she whined. “It’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Well, yeah, but what if that’s not what she wants?”

“She asked if you were okay with her touching you,” she said. “Why couldn’t you ask if she wanted to sleep with you?”

“Touching and kissing is one thing,” I defended, my face growing hot. “Having sex is a completely different level of trust and care and-”

“Stop. Over complicating. Sex,” Tamera hammered out. “I know you have this overwhelming need for intimacy but have you ever allowed yourself to have something just because you want it?”

I was quiet for a moment.

“Uh-huh, exactly.” She sighed. “Has it ever occurred to you that love and intimacy take time and maybe letting yourself explore potential romantic partners will help you find that?”

I pouted. “How dare you use my psychoanalysis on me,” I mumbled, but she was right.

“Yeah, yeah.” She sighed. “Look, I know that school has been your priority for years now. But you’re on the final leg, and you can finally afford to think about relationships in general. Maybe you want to find your soulmate or maybe you’re totally cool with casual hook-ups. You need to bite the bullet and ask for what you want. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck in this weird limbo you’ve sequestered yourself in forever.”

“You know,” I muttered, “you know way too much about me. I need to be more mysterious.”

Tamera burst into a fit of giggles that tugged at the corner of my mouth. “That ship hassailed,” she cackled. “We know more about each other than the CIA does. Which makes us the perfect platonic soulmates.”

“Damn right.” I giggled.

“Besides, you’ve always been vocal about what you need, honey,” she reminded me. “I know that Alex might be a little intimidating but she’s also human. You need to talk to her about this sizzling sexual tension between the two of you.”

“You’ve never even been in the same room as us,” I accused her.

“Yeah, but I can feel it rolling off you every time we go out to lunch,” she deadpanned. “I’m going to have to start inviting Katya with us just to put up a barrier against your Alex-obsessed hormones.”

“And there’s the Tamera I know and love.” I chuckled.

Not that I ever wanted to be the third wheel on one of their dates. But maybe it was time to talk to Alex about it.

Maybe it was time I admitted my feelings.

28. The Proverbial Knife

Alex

Awkwardwasn’tthewordI’d use to describe the subtle shift between Devon and me. Things were far from bad, yet there was a new kind of distance wedged between us. I hadn’t noticed it at first, but it became more apparent with each passing day. She pointedly looked out the window of the car, and only seemed to relax if there was someone else in the room with us. I worried that I’d taken it too far, stepped over a boundary and upset her.

I tried to remain unfazed, but her sudden silence scared me more than I wanted to admit. It scared me because it was something I’d have to live with once she moved out. Once I was no longer needed.

My chest ached because I wanted to fix it but at the same time… Was there even a point to mending something that was destined to break?

Dinner had followed the same pattern as the last few. We ate in relative silence, speaking only if the other prompted. When I got to my feet to clear the table she beat me to it, piling everything she could fit in her arms and disappearing into the kitchen.

I walked in on her violently scrubbing one of the pots in the sink. I leaned against the pantry, my arms folded across my chest, and watched her.

“Are you doing okay?” I finally asked.

She flinched at the roughness in my voice, evidence of our stilted conversation.

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” she said, clearly distracted. Her cheeks flushed a bright pink and she quickly looked away again.

“Are you sure?” I pressed. “I don’t want to pry, but if there’s something I can do to help, then-”