Page 107 of Not In The Contract

“You’re avoiding the question.”

“Jamie has plans tonight,” she said with a wide smile, and the relief in her eyes made me sadder than it should have. “So I thought we could have dinner together like we used to. If you want, of course.”

“Of course I do,” I replied easily.

“I can’t remember the last time I ate a home cooked meal!” I sang happily, savoring the rich flavors on my tongue.

Alex glanced up from her plate with a quizzical expression. “What have you been eating these last few days?” she asked.

I shrugged. “Mostly takeout and whatever Tam forced down my throat,” I told her.

“Why haven’t you been cooking here?”

“The kitchen hasn’t exactly felt, uh,welcome, for a few days,” I said in a small voice.

I didn't want to upset Alex or make her feel guilty about Jamie hanging around, but I couldn’t damn well lie about it either. The entire house had been unwelcoming, with the only sanctuary I had being my room. Even then, I was keenly aware of Jamie’s presence downstairs, as if she laughed louder to make sure I heard her. My stomach flipped, and I half expected Jamie to burst through the front door at any second, chasing me back to the room once again.

Alex’s smile dimmed and her gaze fell.

I should have lied.

“I’m sorry about that.” She sighed, her shoulders sloping. “I know it must have been difficult, and more than a little uncomfortable.”

I waved it off despite the churning in my gut. “We’ve already talked about your sister,” I said. “I know it isn’t an easy situation, so there’s not much I can say about it.”

Alex frowned. “I think I could withstand hearing you talk about it,” she said thoughtfully, then shrugged. “I get it from all sides nowadays, but you at least have an educated view on the matter.”

“So you’re using me for my knowledge of psychology?” I teased. “That’s a bit unprofessional of you.”

“I’m basically your entire thesis, Devon,” she said evenly, a smooth smile spreading across her face. “I think I’m being efficient and business minded.”

I laughed, relieved that the space between us wasn’t stuffed with awkward tension. As the minutes passed, it began to feel more and more like Jamie had never stepped between us.

“Ever the mogul,” I hummed. “Shall we clean up? I’m dying to see the new episode of that show we were watching.”

She nodded and got to her feet, easily falling into step beside me as we tidied up. My heart fluttered uselessly when my elbow nudged hers, and I wondered if this was what it might have been like if we’d met under different circumstances.

If we’d met, not as a PhD candidate and thesis subject, but just as people. Would we have been able to fall in love without the drama?

“What’re you spacing out for?” Alex giggled. “I thought you wanted to watch that episode.”

I blinked as she pulled the half dried plate from my hands and shooed me out of the kitchen. “Go get it ready,” she said. “I’ll grab us some drinks.”

I hummed and did as she asked, sliding onto the sofa that had blessedly replaced the rock solid work of art that was once in its place. I turned on the TV and navigated the streaming app, wondering what pressed into the gaps in my lungs and left me breathless as I waited.

Was it anxiety? Guilt?

I found the show we’d been watching and set the remote down on the sofa next to me, waiting for Alex to come back. There was no way I could make Alex feel guilty for prioritizing her sister. I didn’t even have it in me to try. The exhaustion she carried with her was enough already, not to mention the guilt that Jamie happily lorded over her older sister. How could I, in good conscience, add to that burden?

Tamera would kick my ass, I thought.

She’d once threatened to beat the word ‘burden’ out of my vocabulary by force if needed. I didn’t want things to get that far.

“Here we go,” Alex announced, appearing in the living room carrying two mugs of something that smelled a lot like hot chocolate.

“Is that what I think it is?” I asked, my worries temporarily quieting at the possibility of hot chocolate.

“Are you thinking that it’s the greatest hot chocolate on the planet?” she joked, setting a mug in front of me.