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THIRTY

DANNI

When I used to think of Europe, sprawling black lakes covered in thick ice and bordered by snowcapped mountains came to mind. I used to think skating on an honest-to-god lake hand in hand with someone was the most romantic-sounding thing in the world. Only, even though we had plenty of lakes within driving distance, I couldn’t skate, and none of my friends were very interested in going, and I never met anyone who wanted to date me anyway.

Today, I can skate—sort of—and I’m at one of those lakes, on Valentine’s Day, with my girlfriend, even. But the romantic part is debatable, because my girlfriend’s here with her fake boyfriend, some strange guy is here, too, and we’re surrounded by police guards and paparazzi, and they’re all either staring at us or taking photos of us.

It might be someone’s idea of romance, somewhere out there, but I’m not sure it’s mine.

Alfie’s friend ends up being a smiley guy called Edmund Ahmad with soft black curls under a cream beanie, dark brown skin, and a contagious sort of laugh. He’s super sweet, and I warm to him pretty fast, but I can’t warm all the way because I realize too late I’m not actually sure what he thinks today is. I’m assuming he doesn’t know that Rose and Alfie are only pretending for the cameras. It’s possible he thinks this is a group hang, but if I were him, and I were asked to go hang with my friend, my friend’s girlfriend, and a “single girl,” I’d think it was a date. And I can’t even figure out a way to ask him if he thinks it is without letting him know why he shouldn’t think that.

The four of us pull over to a bench to put on our skates, and I wrestle with my super-stiff boots. They’re wildly gorgeous. So gorgeous they scare me. What if I mess them up? I don’t have expensive things like this, so usually I don’t need to worry at all.

“Under and over, remember,” Rose says. She starts forward, like she’s going to show me, but then she catches herself.

“I can help,” Edmund offers, kneeling in front of me. “I used to skate all the time.”

Rose glances sideways while Edmund laces me up, and her mouth twitches, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Have you ever skated before?” Edmund asks me.

I almost say yes, but then what if he asks who taught me? And then I’ll have to lie, and what if I accidentally say Molly or Eleanor and it turns out they don’t even know how to skate, and then he asks them, and they’re all like, “What, I can’t skate at all?” and then he realizes I was lying and everything falls apart?

“Only as a kid,” I say, and Rose looks at me sharply.

I’ll explain the lie to her later. God, this is already a headache.

They’ve sectioned off a whole area of the lake with traffic cones for the four of us to hog by ourselves. On the other side of the cones, skaters are doing laps arm in arm, or showing off their spins in the center, or… crowding near the cones to gawk at us like we’re zoo animals. Gawking at Rose, really. Several people are calling her name and waving to her, and she waves back with a bright smile. The security team gestures for the crowd to keep moving. Even though most of them aren’t looking at me, my whole face is red-hot, and I kind of wish I could be anywhere else in the world than right here.

When we move to the ice Rose steps out first, with Alfie. She looks like she really wants to offer me her hand to get on, but Edmund does it for her. I’m just glad somebody is, because everything Rose taught me back in October has flown out the window. I step onto the ice with shaky legs and almost drag Edmund down with me. “You’re doing great, just go slowly,” he encourages me.

Ahead of us, Alfie takes Rose’s hand, and they talk while skating right at the paparazzi like they don’t even notice they’re there. Totally casual action shots.

I slip and crumple into a heap, and Edmund lets out a gale of laughter as he tries to hold me upright. “Sorry,” I groan.

“It’s okay. I spent half my time on the ground when I learned.”

“How old were you?”

“About four.”

I look at him flatly, and he holds me steady as I scrape myself off the ice.

The regular skaters are congregating again, and this time most of them are holding phones up. I try to ignore the attention and focus on getting a skating rhythm going. The only thing worse than learning how to skate—again—is doing it while people record you to put it online forever.

“Hold on, I’m going to hold both of your hands,” Edmund says, and he starts skating backward, pulling me along. I get a flashback to Rose doing the same thing. I look over at her, and she’s looking at me. Alfie has linked their arms together, and he’s talking at her a mile a minute. When our eyes meet, she smiles, but it’s a little sad.

Then I remember the cameras, and I wrench my eyes away from her and back to Edmund.

“So how come you’re from Colorado and you can’t skate?” Edmund asks me. “I thought it snowed there.”

“It does, but my friends were more into snowboarding and skiing and stuff. You know how you sort of just end up with the same hobbies as the people around you sometimes?”

“Totally,” he says. “That’s how I became vegan. My friends were all vegan, and the more they talked about it, the more I realized they had a point. Also, the food’s just as good if you know where to go. Have you tried other milks before?”

“Like, not cow’s milk? Nope.”

“Okay, there’s a bubble tea place I have to show you. You’ll be a convert. It gets sort of this hazelnutty sort of flavor—do you like hazelnut?”

“I love hazelnut.”

“Then lock it in.”

I don’t really know what to answer. What’s a polite way to say “I’m totally down to try your vegan bubble tea place, but just checking, you mean as friends, right?” I’m still working on the wording when Alfie and Rose pass us, and Edmund calls out to them. “Don’t you think Danni’s doing a great job?” he asks, squeezing both of my hands. “She’s a natural.”

Rose widens her eyes. “Well, I would say that given she’s not skated in—what is it now, Danni, ten years—she’s doing a marvelous job.”

I shoot her a look that she conveniently misses.

“She says she mostly skis and snowboards,” Edmund tells her. “She’s from somewhere that snows even more than here. Colorado,” he adds.

Rose turns to me with mock interest. “Are you from Colorado ?” she asks. “I can’t believe it. I’ve known you almost six months now, and you’ve never once mentioned any of this information to me. I’m learning so much, thank you, Edmund.”

She lays on the sarcasm so thick that even bubbly Edmund can’t miss it. He smiles, but it’s a hesitant one.

“Don’t worry about Rose,” I say. “Her sense of humor is an acquired taste.”

To my surprise, Rose looks a little hurt. I guess it’s easier for her to take things personally than normal while she’s watching me get led around the ice by my almost-definitely-date.

Alfie laughs nervously. “I’ve been tossing up whether to show off my double Salchow,” he says to Rose, tugging at her to leave us alone. “If I nail it, it’ll be on camera. If I fall, it’ll be on camera.”

“I see the dilemma,” Rose says, skating off with him and leaving me alone with Edmund again. I watch them, my heart tugging.

Edmund follows my gaze. “Do you… know Alfie well?” he asks.

“Not really, why?”

He seems surprised by my answer. “Oh. Just wondering. It’s just, when he found out I thought you were hot, he suggested I come and meet you today. But if there’s any history there or anything…”

I try to process what he said, but there’s a lot to it. He thinks I’m into Alfie? Why the hell would he think that? And he finds me hot? I mean, that’s flattering, I guess, but kind of random that Alfie would choose him to come along today when he knows I’m not exactly a viable option for his friend, isn’t it?

I’m so distracted, I lose track of my feet, and my blades collide together with a clang. It sends me backward, hard—too hard for Edmund to keep his hold on me—and my head smacks against the ice.

I lie there for a second, stunned, and then Rose is above me. “Are you okay?” she asks frantically. “I saw you hit your head.”

She scoops a hand underneath it, to feel for a lump, I guess. “I’m fine,” I say. “Just—fucking ouch?”

Ouch to my head, and my pride. There’s nothing better than eating dirt—or ice, I guess—in front of a massive audience.

“That was a hard fall,” Edmund says from behind Rose.

“She’s fine, Rosie,” Alfie says, and there’s a warning in his tone.

“Can you see okay?” Rose asks me, helping me sit up.

For a second, I think I might be seeing stars. Then I realize it’s the cameras flashing. “Rose, back up,” I whisper, trying not to move my mouth.

She bites her bottom lip hard, takes a deep breath, and shuffles backward. Alfie grabs her hand and pulls her in to whisper something.

Edmund takes Rose’s place by my side. “Anything broken?”

I do a quick body check. “Nope, but my tailbone might be bruised.”

“Not the tailbone . I had the worst tailbone bruise from falling once. I was just standing there, too. One minute I was up, the next I was down .” He helps me up, and, together, we leave the ice, Alfie and Rose at our heels.

My back is aching like nobody’s business, and we have the photos we needed, so we decide to call it a day. Edmund gets his skates off first and runs to the bathroom—a cute little brick structure I think must have been built next to the lake just for this—and I’m left alone with Rose and Alfie.

“So,” I say. “I could’ve used a heads-up that Edmund’s into me.”

Rose and Alfie look at each other.

“What?” Rose asks Alfie.

“I needed someone to join us so you could have Danni here. He mentioned he finds Danni hot, so I thought he would be interested in coming.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little odd?” Rose whispers.

“I thought it couldn’t hurt. I’m sure they’ll end up great friends.”

“ She’s my girlfriend, ” Rose says, and if I thought I did a good job at speaking without moving my lips before, Rose puts me to shame. “You just set my girlfriend up on an actual date.”

“I didn’t think it would matter! It’s not like she likes guys anyway,” Alfie says under his breath.

“Well,” I say, and both of them look at me. “I can like guys,” I clarify.

Rose looks sort of horrified by this. She knows I’m bi, so I guess it’s more that I made it sound like some sort of confession, so I add hastily, “But not when I’m taken. I’m just as capable of monogamy as anyone else.”

“It does change things a bit, though,” Alfie says. “I wouldn’t have brought Edmund if I knew that.”

“Why are you saying that like it’s my fault?” I ask.

“I’m not! I’m apologizing for my oversight.”

“Oh.” I wince. I guess I’m as easy to rile up as Rose is today. “Sorry.”

“Next time I’ll make sure I bring a guy who finds you hideous,” Alfie promises.

“Actually,” Rose says, “if the two of you don’t mind, I’d rather drive this toe pick into my eyeball than do this again.”

“Okay, okay,” Alfie says, wounded. “Failed venture. Got it. At least we got some good photos, right?”

Rose forces a smile and claps her hands rapidly. A flash of light tells us the paparazzi got that on camera, too.

“So, what did you and Edmund talk about?” Rose asks me once we get out of her car at Bramppath and have a second of privacy.

“Not a whole lot. Mostly small talk. He’s nice, though.” She raises both her eyebrows and looks anywhere but at me. “Nice enough,” I add, smiling.

She glances back at me, and then frowns. “What’s funny?”

“You. You’re all jealous.”

She shrugs, and looks off again.

“We thought I was the one who was going to struggle with keeping us secret,” I say, “but it’s not as easy as you thought it was gonna be, is it?”

“Shush.”

“I spent most of the day watching you,” I say. “I tried not to, but I couldn’t help it. You’re the last person who needs to worry, I promise.”

The smile she gives me makes me want to stop in my tracks and pull her in to me, right here in the courtyard, and never let go. If only.

“Thank you,” she says, and I make sure to “accidentally” brush against her as we walk. And once more, for good measure. It’s not enough, but it’s what we’ve got, so I’ll take it.