Page 35 of No Place Like Home (Orlinda Valley #3)

Summer

D arlene took me home Saturday night and I begged her to make sure Rowan kept his distance for the weekend. She was the only person I texted Sunday, though Rowan tried his hardest to get me to answer him.

I ignored him. I wasn’t ready to talk. I needed time, so I finally turned off my phone and hid it in my dresser drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

By Monday morning, I was sinking in my depression, and ready to get out into the world.

I grabbed my phone, which was now dead, plugged it in, and left it in my room for the day.

My weekly Monday duties were calling, and without my phone I’d be able to focus on my work.

I needed to place an order for product, and I wanted to talk with our salesperson to ask about the curling iron he showed me a few weeks ago.

I threw on my favorite gray sweats and black tank top and went to the only place that could give me peace and get me out of my own head—Shear Perfection .

No one was at the salon when I arrived, which was typical.

Diane and Kaye didn’t show up on Mondays until around lunch, and knowing I’d be here most of the morning, they always brought food.

I locked the doors behind me, turned the music up on the Bluetooth speakers, and got to cleaning.

The music was loud. I didn’t want to hear the phone or anyone who might possibly come knocking or looking for me—especially not Rowan.

My heart clenched tight in my chest at the simple thought of his name. I was thankful he didn’t follow me home after the wedding. I needed space and time to get my feelings under control.

I realized while I spent agonizing time away from him, that I was falling in love with him too.

Fuck, who was I kidding? I wasn’t falling in love.

I’d been in love with Rowan for, God, I didn’t know how long—and now he admits that he’s loved me forever?

I brushed my hands over my face. I couldn’t hide my feelings much longer.

Anyone who knew me would see right through me and my bullshit.

But my being with Rowan would be such a bad choice for him.

He was a great guy. He needed more than I could ever give him.

I threw myself into organizing the inventory, and, as always, it worked to calm me.

I didn’t know what it was about the hair salon—whether it was the smells of the products, or the hum of the dryers that always took me away from life, but that’s how it had always been.

There was something grounding about washing, styling, and running my fingers through someone’s hair, helping them create the look they wanted.

Helping them to feel beautiful. Even filing and painting nails could put me in a place where I could be me and get out of my own head.

I cleaned behind every chair and in every corner. It always amazed me where hair could hide, filling the little cracks and crevices of the salon. Always trying to stay just out of reach so they could lay around a little longer, never seen and maybe forgotten.

It was a lot like the lies I’d told myself for years, and the lies I’d made my friends believe.

Lies about how I didn’t need love. Lies about how love wasn’t worth it.

It wasn’t important. Lies about how I was good by myself.

I didn’t need anyone. If I just told one small lie at a time, it wouldn’t hurt anyone—yet over time they built up a wall around me, and letting anyone in who I could trust became difficult.

Great, Summer , I thought as I finished sweeping. You’re comparing your life to the cracks and corners in a salon. Great metaphor. Kora and Darlene’s teacher-hearts would be proud.

I chuckled and turned the music up louder.

Soon, I lost track of time as I washed towels, organized shelves again—which I’d done last week and didn’t really need to do this soon—and other small repetitive tasks that comforted me.

I was on the phone with our sales rep ordering more stock when the back door opened.

“Hey, Summer. Are you here?” Kaye’s voice carried through the kitchen into the office. I muted the phone. “We brought lunch.”

“I’m placing our restock order, Kaye. Be out in a minute.”

She poked her head in. “Did you see the note I left about the color I needed?”

I tapped my pad. “On my list.”

“You’re awesome, Summer. Tell Jasper hi.”

I relayed the message, finished the order, and clicked off my phone.

I laid my hands flat on the table and leaned back to take in a deep breath.

I entered the new products I ordered on our inventory spreadsheet and walked into the kitchen.

Kaye and her husband, Charles, and Diane and her husband, Tom, were sitting at the round table in the corner, bags of my favorite food on the counter—barbecue.

“We knew you’d be here,” Charles said, “so we brought lunch. Grab a sandwich and some macaroni and cheese and eat with us.” He held his sandwich high in the air. It was overflowing with barbecue and looked mouthwatering.

I fixed my sandwich, piled macaroni and cheese on my plate, and sat at the table. “Don’t you guys work?”

Charles swallowed a bite of his sandwich. “Yes, but not today. I took some extra days because of the wedding.”

“Yep, we had Skylar,” Tom said. “And had to get her to kindergarten this morning.”

Charles winked at me. “You must have had a fun time Saturday. No one heard from you at all Sunday. We went by Tonya’s to see Nigel before he went back to Florida, and you didn’t answer when we came knocking.”

They came knocking? I’d had no clue. It could have been when I was in the bathtub with my earbuds in to drown out the world.

I took in a deep breath to calm the knots that started to pull tightly in my gut.

“I was probably relaxing in the tub, or in bed. I had my earbuds in most the day and was enjoying a day to myself. It was an exhausting week.”

I took a large bite of the sandwich. “Damn, this is delicious. I think I forgot to eat yesterday. I’m starving.” I washed my bite down with Diet Coke. “Thanks.” I made eye contact with the men and smiled.

“Anything for you, Summer. You know that,” Charles said.

I continued eating and didn’t miss the wordless conversation going on around the table. I narrowed my eyes. What the hell was going on? This wasn’t just about bringing lunch by. I was missing something.

Tom stood and took some of the trash on the table to the trash can. “Why don’t you women come by Charles and Kaye’s house when you’re done here?” He looked at Charles and lifted his brow.

Charles got up quickly. “Yep, you ladies do whatever you need to do here. We’ll see you at the house. Have some stylist time, girl time, whatever you need. I’m sure there’s some wine in the fridge. Enjoy a glass and we’ll see you soon.”

The men kissed their wives, gave me hugs, and left the hair salon. They were not as slick as they tried to be. Lunch was a cover for getting the women here to talk to me. About what, I didn’t know. But I could probably guess.

I made another sandwich. I knew I was hungry, and this barbecue and the fried pickles were the best. They even put holes in the box of the fried pickles so the fried goodness wouldn’t get soggy in its own steam.

I popped one in my mouth. It was heavenly.

I continued eating and ignored Diane and Kaye, which was difficult.

They kept glancing between each other, then back to me. “Kora made the most stunning bride,” Kaye finally said, “and, Summer, you looked breathtaking in that dress.”

Diane agreed. “Absolutely. It was the perfect wedding and a perfect setting. The Warfields sure know how to put on a party.”

“It’s got to be easy when you have that spread and endless money to make things happen. Leila struck it rich when she fell for Adler. And not just because he’s loaded.” Kaye sighed happily. “He’s the entire package. Rich, sweet, and good looking. I can’t wait to see that baby. ”

“I know,” Diane beamed. “And the best part is, when the baby’s born, I’m staying with them to help them out. Take care of Skylar and get her to school.”

I listened to their conversation. It seemed strained and a bit forced. I wiped my fingers on my napkin, finished the last of my drink, and threw my trash in the can. Things became quiet as I cleaned. Eerily quiet. I felt eyes on my every move.

That’s when it hit me. They knew about the conversation I had Saturday night.

Darlene and Lilly were close and I’m sure what I told Darlene was eating away at her. With Kora out of reach, she probably talked to Lilly, and I’d bet my left tit Lilly talked to Kaye and Jamison. I leaned on the counter, my back to them.

I took in a deep, cleansing breath. “Y’all didn’t come here to feed me barbecue.

Just come out with it. I know you’re itching to ask me something.

It’s not like you to keep your noses out of my business—or anyone’s business for that matter.

That’s not the book club’s M.O. So, for fuck’s sake, just ask. ”

“Language, girl,” Diane said.

“You know the language you use proves that you’re feeling bad about something,” Kaye agreed.

I turned to them but stayed where I was. “Bullshit.” I crossed my arms over my chest. They were being ridiculous. “That’s not true. I always use bad language. Ask Darcie. I could fund her first year of college.”

“Fine.” Diane brushed my last comment away. “We’ll get right to the point.” She glanced over at Kaye.

Kaye sat up straighter in her seat and said, “Darlene talked to Lilly, Lilly talked to me, and I talked to Diane. ”

I glanced back and forth between them. My secret was out, and it seemed like the world knew all about it.

“And we need to give you our thoughts,” Diane added as she pointed toward my empty place at the table. “Sit back down, please.”

I threw my hands in the air. “Of course you want to get involved in something that is none of your damn business.” I leveled my pointer finger at each of them in turn as I sat in my seat. “Remember, I’m not your family. You don’t have to get involved in my life.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Summer,” Kaye said, her voice firmer than I was used to from her. “You are our family. We’ve known you as long as you’ve been friends with Kora and Darlene.”

Diane nodded in agreement. “Exactly. We were around while you hung out with them. We watched you grow up. We had you and your grandmother over for our weekly get-togethers.”

Kaye picked up where Diane left off, her eyes commanding my attention. “We’ve also watched how Rowan accepted your friendship for over a decade just so he wouldn’t irritate you, get beneath your skin, and lose whatever it was that was going on between you both.”

My heart seemed to stop, then crash in my chest. I cleared my throat against the lump that formed, and my eyes dropped to the table.

I fiddled with the napkin I used at lunch.

“If you all noticed that back when we were in high school, that means Tonya did also. Why is she always such a bitch to me?” My eyes met theirs and courage coursed through my veins.

“She’s not a bitch to you,” Kaye said.

I sat up straight. My pulse raced and I was sure my blood pressure was going through the roof. “Seriously? She argues with me constantly. ”

“Because you’re just like her. Your strong, take-no-shit attitude matches hers to a T,” Kaye said. “You put her in her place. Trust me, she loves you. She knows you’re exactly what Rowan needs. You keep him in check. You balance him out. You call him on his bullshit.”

“Kaye’s right,” Diane agreed.

I rolled my eyes up to the ceiling. “Look, I love you two. You’re as close to mothers as I’ve ever had, since my mom was useless.

You both took me under your wings and helped me hone this crap I absolutely love.

” I swept my arm toward the salon. “But . . .” Dammit.

If they knew what Darlene and I talked about, why didn’t they come out with it?

Kaye reached over and grabbed my hand. “Summer, talk to us.”

I looked back and forth between them and tears blurred my vision. “Darlene didn’t tell you?”

“She told us that you don’t want a relationship and don’t know what love is, but what else is wrong?” Kaye asked in a soft voice. “What else is there that you haven’t told us?”

The words sat on my tongue and begged to be said.

To finally leave the secret box they’ve been locked in for decades.

I bit my tongue to keep it quiet, but it was no use.

“Rowan deserves more than I can ever give him,” I blurted before I could change my mind and keep my secret in for another ten years.

“There’s more going on with me than you guys know, and I know he needs more. ”

My voice cracked. The caring, motherly looks on the women’s faces gave me the courage I needed to tell someone else my secret.

I took a deep breath and let the word-vomit out. “Rowan needs to be a father. He needs to have kids. He’s so wonderful and amazing and would make a perfect dad. But I can’t give him that.” I took in a shaky breath. “I can’t have children.”

There. I said for a second time in as many days what I had kept in for over a decade, and my heart cracked into a million pieces.