Page 34 of No Place Like Home (Orlinda Valley #3)

Summer

I turned before going into the pavilion.

At the sight of him leaning against the railing of the bridge in defeat, my heart shattered like a crystal chandelier falling on a tiled floor.

What had I done? The most caring guy I knew was hurting because of me.

Maybe I should go back. Explain things to him.

Tell him why I can’t promise him anything.

“There you are.” Darlene’s voice broke through the melancholy filling my soul. “Kora’s going to the house to change and get ready to leave.”

I nodded and gazed one last time toward Rowan. “Okay.” I walked past Darlene, but she stopped me.

“Summer?” She pointed toward Rowan. “What’s going on?”

I looked at her and felt my eyes fill with tears. I swallowed hard against the lump that formed in my throat. “Doesn’t matter. Come on. Kora needs us.”

She didn’t say anything else. Instead, she followed me silently to the house that had been taken over by the bridal party .

Kora, Susie, and Lilly were already there, and Kora was stepping out of her dress.

“There y’all are,” Kora said. “This has been the best night!” She gushed as she pulled on her white jumpsuit, her going-away outfit. When she turned, her face filled with emotion. “Thank you so much for being here and being a part of this day.” She hugged Lilly and Susie.

“Of course,” Lilly said. “Nothing could have kept me away.”

She then turned to me and Darlene. “And you two.”

She looked at us for a second, then the waterworks she had been holding in all day finally gushed forth. Darlene followed suit. I was already emotional because of my own shitty situation, but I wasn’t going to let it out here.

Kora wrapped her arms around us both and said between sobs, “This was so much better than I ever imagined. I’m so glad you two were a part of this day.”

Darlene’s sobs matched Kora’s.

“Good God, you two,” I said, trying unsuccessfully to separate myself from them.

“Come on! It’s not like you haven’t planned your wedding for a lifetime, or had a year to prepare your emotions.

” I sniffed as thoughts of what I would never have wracked my brain, and a picture of Rowan jumped into my head.

“Hey,” Kora separated and wiped her eyes. “Are you crying, Summer?”

Fuck . “No.” I turned away. “Of course not.” I wiped at my cheeks quickly. Damn emotional bullshit.

“What’s going on, Summer? I know you’re not emotional about my wedding.” Kora dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and Darlene did the same .

Then Darlene snitched on me and said, “When I left the reception, I found her outside watching Rowan, and though she won’t admit it, there were tears in her eyes.”

Kora turned to me in shock, and I glared daggers at Darlene.

Kora started to speak, but I stopped her. “Don’t,” I said. “Today is not about me. It’s about you, and right now your husband’s waiting to whisk you off somewhere romantic, where I’m sure you’ll get pregnant so you and Darlene can raise your babies together like you’ve always dreamed of.”

“Yeah, Summer, you’re probably right,” Kora said. “But he can wait a little longer. What’s going on with you?”

I swiped at the air and tried my best to act like nothing was bothering me, but I was never good at acting and had to swallow down the lump that had grown in my throat. “Nothing’s going on. I’m fine.”

Yeah, I wouldn’t make it in Hollywood. Kora didn’t believe me.

“Stop, Summer,” Kora insisted. “If there’s’ something going on, you can talk to us. Though I don’t know what could have happened. I know how Rowan feels about you. I know he loves you.”

I let out a sigh. Of course she did. “It doesn’t matter.

I told him I couldn’t give him the relationship he wanted, and I don’t believe in marriage.

He’s wasting his time if he thinks I’ll change my mind.

” Frustration fueled my words, and I walked away, my hands on my hips.

I stood tall and took in deep breaths to calm my aching heart as I stared through the windows into the darkness.

No one understands what’s going on, because I never told them.

If they knew, they’d understand why I can’t be with Rowan .

“Hey,” Kora turned me toward her. Her determined face took me aback.

“No, Summer,” she said. “ You ’re wasting your time if you think you don’t deserve him.

You do. Your heart knows it. That’s why you’re so upset.

Don’t let your past dictate your future.

Don’t repeat your parents’ mistakes. Make a new path for yourself.

You’ve done so much already! You put yourself through beauty school and you’re a successful stylist. You can love someone. Especially Rowan.”

“Kora’s right,” Darlene agreed. “Summer, let yourself be happy.”

Lilly jumped into the conversation. “Not that you care what I think, but I grew up watching you go head-to-head with people at every turn. No one ever intimidated you, and Rowan always stood by your side. You two have always been perfect together.”

“I know I really don’t have a say as I’ve only been here for a week,” Susie said, “but I believe your upbringing isn’t something that defines you unless you let it.

Look at Kai. If anyone had a right to not believe in love and family, it’s my brother.

He never had anyone to take care of him or show him what it meant to truly love someone.

He did all the caring. But he found Kora and let himself love her and be loved. ”

Well, that was the nail in the coffin of my excuses. Damn her and her relevant life experiences. How could I tell her to shut up, she’s wrong?

I couldn’t. She was new here. She was too sweet.

Hell, she made a point I couldn’t argue with.

“Fine,” I conceded. “I’ll think about what y’all said.

But now we need to get the glow sticks outside and let you start your honeymoon.

” I grabbed the boxes of glowsticks and passed them around to Lilly and Susie.

“Summer, wait. I want to talk with you.” Kora took the glowsticks from me. “Darlene, can you go with them and hand these out?”

“Of course,” she said and followed them out .

“Summer, talk to me. Just me.”

Kora, the friend I could always count on . . . I looked at her and again my eyes filled with tears. “I know what you’re going to say, Kor, but I don’t know how to love him,” my voice was a whisper. “He deserves more.”

“You don’t know how, or you’re scared? I remember when your dad left you and how hurt you were.

Then when your mom started drinking, you felt alone.

Then your grandma died, and you felt deserted.

But you always had us. My family. We always included you.

No matter what you think, you know how to love—and you’ve always been different when Rowan’s around, a better version of yourself.

There’s a glow about you, and even your sarcasm isn’t as harsh. ”

Dammit. I hated when she was right, but she didn’t know the entire story. She didn’t know my secret. That was one thing I’d never even told her.

“I can’t promise that you aren’t going to hurt sometimes, but love is worth it,” she continued.

“If you can tell me you don’t feel better just being around Rowan, I’ll shut up.

If you tell me you have no feelings for him, I’ll never mention it again.

” She grabbed my hands. “But, Summer, if you can’t say those things, you deserve to trust your heart and try.

Rowan’s one of the good ones, and he loves you. ”

Why did my best friend have to be so perfect, and so good at making speeches?

“I’ve got to go,” she continued. “But I didn’t want to leave without saying this to you. Promise me you’ll think about what I said.”

Like I could tell her no. I nodded. “Yes. I will.”

She beamed at me. “Great,” she said as she bounced on the balls of her feet. “Thank you.” She pulled me in for a hug .

I laughed and hugged her back. “Okay, okay. Let’s get you to Kai. You need to get out of here.”

I watched with everyone else, cheering as the limo drove Kora and Kai down the winding driveway and out of view.

I smiled. Couldn’t help it. As I’d watched Kora walk toward Kai and seen his face light up with love at the sight of her, my heart filled with joy.

Their embrace and kiss seemed different than it had all night.

In normal clothes, they looked more in love, and it seemed more official.

Yep, marriage looked good on both of them. Not that I had any doubt.

“It’s good to see you smiling.” Darlene wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

“How could I not? Those two are finally married. They looked different just now. Like they were meant for each other.”

“Yeah, marriage will do that to you.”

“Maybe they’ll stop being all disgusting all the time,” I said.

“I doubt it. Do you think Bryson and I aren’t disgusting anymore?”

I thought about it. They’d been married for almost six years, and yes, they were still quite disgusting. “Nope. I guess it takes decades to wear off.”

“Whatever, Summer. You love us.”

“No shit,” I said, then laughed and pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m glad you’re happier than you were a bit ago. Maybe you can go talk to Rowan? He really wants to talk with you.”

My happiness evaporated instantly, and I pushed her gently away. “Did you come over here to bask in the happiness of our best friend, or to get me to talk to Rowan?”

Her shoulders met her ears. “He’s one of our best friends. ”

“Such a bitch.”

“No. I did come over here to bask in the joy of Kora going off on her honeymoon, but letting you know Rowan wanted to talk didn’t seem like such a bad suggestion.”

“I can’t.”

“Summer, why not? You’re being ridiculous.”

“Stay out of it, Darlene. Please. And tell him to stay somewhere else tonight.” I walked quickly away, and in typical Darlene style, she followed behind me as I entered the house to clean up.

“Stop, Summer. There’s more than you not being able to love Rowan, because I know that’s bullshit. You love him, everyone can see that. So, what’s really bothering you?” She grabbed my arm and turned me toward her. “Talk to me, Summer.”

Her eyes, filled with concern, spoke volumes. She and Kora were the best. They were like the sisters I never had—and never needed, because I had them.

They were my friends who were always there when my life was falling apart after my parents’ divorce, and when my first boyfriend broke my heart and walked away because Rowan scared him off.

Because they were always there, I should be able to confide in them. I sighed deep and a sudden feeling of exhaustion and defeat filled me. I sunk into the couch, “You’re right. There’s more,” I said, and placed my head in my hands.

She sat next to me on the edge of the cushion and faced me.

Telling Darlene now might make it easier to tell Kora later. I took in a shuddering breath. I couldn’t keep this to myself any longer—it was eating away at me. Once I got it out, they would understand .

I took a large cleansing breath and said, “Do you remember how bad my periods were when I was in high school? I missed a week of school and ended up at the doctor?”

She nodded. “Why?”

“I have something called endometriosis. It’s when your uterus is messed up. I’ve had all types of tests and procedures done over the years.” Tears poured down my face as my voice caught. “I can’t get pregnant. I’ll never have babies.” There I said it.

“What?” Darlene’s voice went up a few octaves and she sat up straighter. “How long have you known this?”

I took a deep breath. “I found out when I was eighteen. I’ve had procedures done over the years to try and reverse it, but they never succeeded.”

“You’ve never said a word to any of us? Rowan doesn’t even know?”

I avoided eye contact and shook my head.

“Summer!” She grabbed my hands. “Are you sure there’s no way? I’ve heard—”

I stopped her. “There’s a ninety-eight percent chance I will not be able to get pregnant.”

“Ninety-eight isn’t zero.”

I laughed through the tears. Always Darlene finding the smallest ray of light in the darkest night. I shook my head. “Not gonna happen.”

“So, you’re using this as your reasoning to not love Rowan?”

“Yes.” I finally met her gaze. “He needs to be a father—and before you say anything, I know we could adopt, but I want him to have a chance to be with someone who can give him a biological child. He deserves it. ”

“Shouldn’t you tell him this and let him decide for himself?”

A pit opened deep in my chest, and I swore I was going to be sucked into it.

I looked at her and the tears in her eyes caused my own dam to break. I couldn’t hold them in any longer.

She wrapped her arms around me and held me. “Summer, I wish you would have said something sooner.”

My shoulders shook with sobs. Years of dealing with this on my own and holding in the anger and frustration came out on Darlene’s shoulder.

Finally, my tears subsided, and I pulled away. She handed me a tissue and I dried my eyes.

“You need to tell him.” Her voice was soft. “It seems only fair. He thinks you don’t love him.”

I didn’t think my heart could break any more, but I was wrong. “I can’t,” I whispered. “I can’t.”