Page 5 of Nine Inch Nasty (Hemlock Academy #9)

Cory

I fall gently on my ass, spluttering. Literally have no idea where I am or how I got here. I do know I'm offended, though.

“How dare you! I'm a perfectly respectable person! I never asked for you to touch me in such a hedonistic way. Look at me, practically clutching my pearls!”

Oh my gods, it's another unicorn.

I look around me. It's nothing but unicorns. “Where the hell am I?” I gasp. “No, don't answer that. I'm in that glitter place, aren't I? The one where Salad came from.”

“You know Salad?” this dude asks, looking very doubtful.

I stand up and brush myself off, not hating the fact that my belly button’s all shimmery now from the residue on the clouds. Delightful. “Yes, I know Salad. I’m mated to his very special... lady friend.”

He scoffs. “Lady friend? Nobody calls it that. At least nobody that’s actually in a relationship. I knew it was fake!”

There're a bunch of loud gasps around me, and I feel naked even though I'm definitely not. The micro mini skirt I'm wearing is a perfectly respectful length. Only the barest hint of cheek shows.

Oops. I just outed Delaney and Salad, didn't I?

Truth is, I really don't know what they are. And yes, I’ve given up on using his full name; it’s a mouthful, okay?

Him and Delaney are awfully confusing; they say they want nothing to do with each other, but.

.. I know a longing stare when I see one.

“You know what, it's complicated, alright?

They're literally from different worlds.

Plus, she's already got like… I don't even know how many husbands. She's quite busy.”

“Hussy,” somebody from the crowd says and then the crowd disperses with shakes of their head.

Oh no. They do not get to insult my woman like that.

“Yeah, well, so what if she is? She loves when we call her that. And you know what else? We have all kinds of dirty sweaty…shit. I haven’t actually slept with her, and I have a moral block against discussing my sex life with strangers before it even exists.

Oh! I know what to tell you; we’re going to have the kinkiest, most awesome sex ever when I finally put out!

So there! You unicorns don’t know what you’re missing! ”

I try to storm off in a huff, but I don't know where I'm going.

So I plop onto a bench instead, coincidentally made out of clouds, and debate how stupid I would look if I tried to tear a piece off to eat it.

What's the rule? If it smells like a duck and it looks like a duck, it's gotta be a duck?

Well, this bench is doing a very convincing impersonation of cotton candy. Plus, I'm kind of starving.

I look around, trying to get my bearings. Where the hell did I even come from?

“Mind if I sit?” The dude I was talking to asks as he gestures next to me.

I cross my legs primly and shake my head no, slightly angling myself away from him. I'm a taken woman. There will be no wrong ideas given out here, I assure you.

“I'm sorry. For, you know, taking you out of your cloud. Were you very happy as a cloud? Maybe we could turn you back...”

I respond to him quickly. “No! Don't you dare. That was... weird. A cloud, huh? That's new. What did you even do? I have no idea what's going on.”

He's staring at my legs. I know, they're great. His eyes meet mine and a little twinkle of warmth enters them. “Turtle.” he holds out his hand.

“Your name... is Turtle. Okay, why not? Hi, Turtle. I'm Cory.”

“Me and a few buddies have been searching the kingdom, we don't think it's right what the goddess did.

Messing with people's lives like this.” He shakes his head.

Maybe he's on my side. “We weren't quite sure what we’d do if we found one of you, but somebody from our team thought it would be pretty obvious how to turn you from a cloud into…

not a cloud. The goddess isn't so good at being secretive.”

“Wait, one of me? You mean the rest of my woman's men are hidden around the kingdom? Like a virile male treasure hunt? I could be into that.”

He snorts. He's a silvery white color with electric green accents, in his mostly human form with hooflike hands like Saladriel usually sports.

“Yeah, that's what I mean. And not that you asked, but there was literally a switch floating around in your cloud that said, ‘Find human here.’ At least it was written in our language so it would have just looked like a symbol to anybody else. But still. Pretty small chance of anybody not from here finding it.”

“Well then, thank you. For rescuing me. I need to find Delaney. And Adam! Where's Adam? Where's Delaney? Where's anybody?” Once I start asking myself questions, I start to panic.

“Hold on there, it's alright. Salad lives not too far from here.

Might be worth a shot going there first, on the off chance they're there.

If not, we'll figure something else out.

Maybe one of his neighbors will know where he's been.

He's bound to know where your... woman is though if we can track him down.”

“You don't believe me that I like a woman, do you? Joke’s on you. I greatly appreciate her breasts and her other bits. They're wonderful. Just like the rest of her.”

“Didn't say that,” he says with a head shake. “Just trying to figure you out, that's all. Not used to seeing people like you around here.”

I stand up, indignant. “What's that supposed to mean? People like me ? You've never seen a non-binary person before?”

He laughs and waves me off. “It's the attitude actually, that's throwing me off. You're like a little spitfire. Couldn't care less what you like to wear or how you see yourself. I'm just greatly entertained by everything that comes out of your mouth.”

Before I can stop myself, the words just fly out of my mouth. “Well thank you. My partners usually compliment me on the things I put into my mouth, but it's nice to hear it can go both ways.”

“You're trouble, I can tell. Come on, let's go check Salad’s place.”

Turtle points some stuff out as he leads me a few blocks away, but I'm too nervous to really pay attention.

What if I can't find Delaney? What if I end up stuck here in a strange realm and they forget about me and move on and live their happily ever after without me?

What if I never get to have another Adam cream pie? Sorry, TMI.

“This is his building, I think. You ready?”

“Even if he's not here, thank you for taking the time to help me. Kindness matters.”

He dips his head. “Absolutely. Like I said, there's a group of us trying to undo some of the damage the goddess has done. And maybe me helping you isn't completely altruistic.”

“I don't mean to be rude, but if I've given you any impression that I'm interested in—”

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to the goddess’ chosen one. We could use her help. Might have some things that would be helpful for her to know, as well.”

“Oh. Well in that case, let's venture forth, shall we?”

So, the stairs here are really stupid. They're clearly meant for bipedal unicorn figures, so I have to practically crawl and pull myself up them to get to Saladriel’s floor.

Luckily, my companion walks in front of me, so I don't have to worry about flashing him any of my pretty under things. Those are for Delaney and Adam’s eyes only.

I definitely came at the wrong time. Or right, depending on how you look at it. All I know, is that we get to the door and I hear Saladriel sobbing about frosting and cum. I can hear at least one other voice in there beside Delaney’s, but it's too quiet for me to make out whose it is.

“Are you going to knock?” Turtle prompts me when I continue to just stand there staring at the door.

“Sorry, I was getting very invested in the story playing out in there.”

I have half a mind to just throw the door open and make a dramatic scene, but sometimes bad things happen when you surprise people. So I knock, like a stable human being would.

“No vegan pizza!” Our demon boy yells through the door. Oh, Rush is with her. That's... nice, I guess.

“Is that code for something?” Turtle asks me with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks.

“No, that is not code for something. I have no idea what he's talking about.” That's about the point that I decide to just be dramatic anyways. The respectable human thing rarely works out for me anyway.

So, I take a deep breath, I push open the door, and then I stride into the apartment with my arms out. “Darling, I've come to get you. Let's run away together, shall we? Just like we always talked about.”

Delaney squeals, freezes, strips off a kinky unicorn cosplay outfit I definitely want to borrow, and jumps over the world's tiniest coffee table that has nothing but sharp corners, throwing herself at me. I do another very stable human thing. I cry.

Delaney grabs my face and kisses me, making all my insecurities melt away. Then she pulls back to look at my face, grabbing me on both sides of my neck with her amazing hands. “How did you get here? My gods, it's so good to see you!” And then she kisses me again.

I feel the need at this point to look over her shoulder at Turtle, who clearly doubted our connection, and wag my eyebrows at him. He rolls his eyes. Which, fair.

I have to pull my mouth away from her with all the strength my momma gave me in order to answer her question. “This is... Turtle. He found my cloud and switched me.”

Saladriel is up in the next moment, covering up a wet crotch and trying to dry his eyes at the same time, which is kind of rough to do when you have hoof hands. But he holds one out for Turtle to semi-shake.

“Hey man, how's it going? Thank you for helping with Cory. They’re a valued member of Delaney’s group.”

“Turtle, is it?” Delaney asks, clearly unsure if she heard correctly. I shrug my shoulders, and she smiles at him while keeping her arm firmly wrapped around my waist. “Thank you, so much. Unsure what circumstances caused you to find him and bring him into his current form, but blessings on you.”