Page 27 of Nine Inch Nasty (Hemlock Academy #9)
Rush has given up trying to fit in his more human form, so he’s rocking his blue skin with the horns, but secretly I think it’s because he’s trying super hard to tempt Delaney into using them as handlebars. Might have seen him and Leo making bets.
Rush starts absently stroking his hair, smoothing it around those horns, trying to make Delaney look at them. And look she does. He’s using his fingers over those horns like they’re his cock and he’s jacking off. Ridiculous.
“The Nine Inch Nasty? It is one of Hell’s proudest relics. Remember the last time it was called to service?”
“I’m so behind,” Delaney confesses, pausing the two from nerding out over something strange. “What’s going on?”
The van hits something and drives right over it, making all of us brace ourselves as August slams on the brakes and pulls to the shoulder. We all sit in silence for a moment, staring straight ahead. If we don’t know what we hit, there can’t be consequences, right?
Delaney is the first to snap. “Fine. I’ll go look.” Delaney unbuckles, which is met with all of us forcing her to keep her ass in the car as half of us go to check it out.
I bring Rush, because he’s a scary ass demon, and Leo, because he’s a scary ass gargoyle, and me, because I’m a…well, you get the idea.
Also, Cory, because they’re already convinced it’s a demon.
Which is ridiculous, because why would there be a random demon out here crossing a road? Canonically, demons stay in Hell.
Rush takes point, walking carefully up to the puddle of slime now in the road that’s smoking slightly.
He bends over it, hovers his hand, and then with a few whispered words, the slime begins to evaporate, and he…inhales it. That’s gross.
“Be right back” he says before disappearing without any further warning.
We’re all looking around, scared to go tell Delaney her demon man disappeared, but she’s outside anyway, jogging to the scene while Adam and Spencer chase her.
She’s too fast for them though, reaching our side to see exactly who’s missing immediately.
That’s good, I might be alarmed if that escaped her notice.
True to his word, Rush reappears shortly after, hands on his hips like he’s a damn superhero, reeking of sulfur.
Also, his clothes are now torn and his hair’s all disheveled.
And are those scratches on his neck? He’s unphased as he nods to us all.
“If we were hoping to avoid any trouble with the demons, we’re screwed.
There’s a full-on riot going on down there again.
The last time hell was that crazy was when that teacher snuck in contraband cupcakes and freaked everybody out.
“Don’t worry though, I think I handled it.
There was a massive competition going on to determine who would get the honor of branding my ass, but I told them all about you, Delaney.
They were kind of pissed and were about to storm up here and make you into a rug, but I sent them all to the Happymaker?, so I think we’re good. ”
Delaney checks his ass, just to be sure, and he reassures her she’s the only one he’d let do that.
I think we’re all more than a little confused though, so I speak up. No one else seems to know what question to ask first. “How the fuck did you do all that in the 15 seconds you were gone?”
Rush looks at me like I’m the crazy one. “Um, I was gone three weeks. Did you think time moved at the same pace down there? It moves extra fast so we can fit in more torture. Come on, let’s go fill in everybody else and keep driving.”
He pulls Delaney aside to whisper yell that he commissioned a custom brand in Hell with a ruby-encrusted handle and starts gushing about how proud he’s about to make his dad when the time comes to use it.
I’m not asking any more questions, and I certainly don’t want any more answers, so I’m thankful when Rush encourages August to start driving again, assuring him that hitting the demon was nowhere close to his fault.
Not long after that, behaving far too normal for what we just went through, Cory brings up the prophecy he’s now firmly convinced is ours, and recites it from memory.
“Somewhere on the hills of sun
Lie nine tribes of trouble and fun.
Mystical, proud, demonic, strong,
Empty of nothing until it came along.
Beware ye sweet maids who summon the might
Of the Nine Inch Nasty and forced into its rite.
Curses will bubble shall you fail to best
The slithering, the watery, or the hooved blessed.
But come ye on top during this trial of strength,
Your fortunes shall become triple the length.
Come trouble two times amongst such named,
You can be sure more comes for which you will be blamed.
For a party of twelve who fight side by side
Valor they’ll win, and the heart of their bride.
For the last two remaining, emotional and null,
Work hard with your kin and will your cup be overfull.
THIS IS THE PROPHECY BY WHICH YOU SHALL BE MEASURED. SHOULD THE NINE INCH NASTY FALL INTO YOUR GRASP, IT IS YOUR RESPONISIBILITY TO WEILD IT UNTIL IT DEEMS YOUR MISSION COMPLETE.”
“You’re telling me we have to find some magical artifact to subdue the trouble brewing? Why? Because Delaney doesn’t have enough on her plate?” I clarify.
Cory wavers their hand back and forth at me.
“Whoever is called to bear this and wield it is awarded with untold riches and magic. Like…we’re talking coming into lavish houses randomly while all of their loved ones magically become well taken care of and healthy.
It’s also known as the unicorn prophecy because it’s so magical. ”
“And no one knows it exists,” I mumble. Also like unicorns.
There’s just one thing I don’t understand. Well, lots of things, actually. But one big, burning question. “What happens, historically, to those that fail the mission? Like what if they don’t realize the prophecy is real and don’t properly utilize the…Nine…Inch…Nasty?”
“Oh yeah, they become like, super cursed,” Cory says happily. “Look, I actually have a book about them in my bag! I had a feeling it would make for good road trip reading.”
They produce a hardcover, glossy book, full of images of pretty people before and after the curse. They become covered in pustules and lose their hair, the after pictures looking more like severely malnourished bog witches than human beings.
“Right. I guess we should take this seriously, then? Just in case?” Delaney asks.
Cory opens up a particularly gruesome picture where one woman’s poor breasts have completely deflated and that’s enough to make Delaney want to jump two feet into the whole mission thing.
If we could just catch a break for like even a weekend, that would be fucking swell.