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After taking the steps by two to reach the street level, I instantly pull my phone out so it can find a signal.

Missed Call - Marlow

“Fuck!” You’re fucking kidding me.

Pacing the sidewalk, I call her right back but get her voicemail.

Fuck! Fuck! “Fuck! Oh, sorry,” I tell a startled silver-haired lady clinging to a walker.

I walk the remaining blocks staring at my phone, willing it to ring again. It doesn’t, but I go over every detail of how she’s embedded into my day. Whether it’s for me or she’s doing it on purpose, I can’t escape Marlow’s fingerprints on my life.

Her stuff still takes up most of my closet, and her toiletries are where she left them. Her sneakers are lined up next to mine in the hallway, and I keep a chilled bottle of champagne in the fridge because she always believed life was worth celebrating. Even the little things.

I don’t ask questions on if or when. I just leave the stuff because it’s all I have left of her. And I’m not ready to move on.

Once my door is unlocked, I push it open but stop. As I stand there frozen in time, my breathing slows, and my heartbeat picks up. And then I hear it . . .

“Hey there, St. James.”

She’s there, not fifteen feet in front of me. How does she manage to pull off cool and casual so effortlessly? Like her world wasn’t turned upside down like mine?

It doesn’t matter when that smile that carries so many emotions grows when she sees me. Her hair is lighter, I assume from the West Coast sunshine, her skin tanner, making me curious if it’s even all over.

But it’s her eyes. . . Marlow’ s eyes still carry the burning torch inside. Faith. Hope. Whatever this is, I’ll take it.

I can’t pull off casual, not when she’s right in front of me after all this time. I still make a concerted effort. “Hi, Marché, what brings you by?”

“I was in the neighborhood.” I grin, really liking her in my neighborhood again.

Her hand is anchored to the stone counter, grounding her to the apartment. I’m looking right at her. Is she real or an apparition haunting me like her ghost has done the past two months?

Twisting her foot against the other, she tilts and looks me over, seeming to like what she sees. Maybe she does have some tells. “You look like you need some sun.”

“The sun is overrated. I prefer basking in the shadows of gray skyscrapers.” That leaves her smiling, and in turn, me as well.

She takes a breath that fills her chest, and then says, “I miss the sound of the city and the vibration of the streets.”

I’ve felt every breath since walking in.

I start down the short entry just to feel the grace of her presence up close once again.

A queen is fine, but that’s not what Marlow is to me.

She’s my muse, my safe place, a goddess I have the pleasure of worshiping.

My lover. My savior. She’s my heart and the soul that makes me feel alive again.

Reaching out to touch her, our hands bond, fingers weaving together between us. She whispers, “I miss so much about this city, but most of all, I miss you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Why are we not together?”

“Because the East and West Coasts are just too fucking far apart.”

She nods but then asks, “Why are we not texting? Or calling to see how our day went?” Tears begin to glisten in the corners of her eyes. She licks her lips and then bites the bottom one.

“Stubbornness or pain. I’m not quite sure which. It may have been a mixture of both. It’s been a mystery to me as well.”

She looks down and then says, “I’ve been hurt before.

I used to be scared to commit to anyone, to rely on someone who would eventually hurt me.

But I’m more afraid of losing you, Jackson.

” She moves closer, the tips of our shoes pressed together.

“But I realized I needed to. You left a gaping hole inside me that dealing with my dad’s care, his dieticians, cardiologists, and the big life he leads could never fill. ”

With our hands still connected, I take another step closer. “I can’t shield you from your problems or the negative side of life. There will be ups and downs, but I’ll be there by your side every step of the way.”

Reaching out, she runs her hand over my chest and stops above my heart.

“I can handle what life throws at me. I was never as fragile as I once believed. But you need to let me in. You need to let me fight with you. That can only happen if you’re honest and lean on me when life throws obstacles in your direction.

You don’t always need to be the hero, Jackson. Sometimes, I can take the lead.”

Remembering what Nick said earlier. I may not have liked it, but he’s right.

It’s time to set my weapons down and be open to being a team instead of an island of one.

I was never bothered by returning to an empty house.

I was bothered by not returning home to Marlow.

“Sounds like a good time to make new rules.”

“I agree.” A smile finally springs into place. “But why are we still so far apart?”

“Good damn question.” Our mouths crash together, and our lips find purchase in each other, just like our hearts.

Hands in hair.

Tangled limbs.

Tugging at shirts.

The sweet taste of sunshine that traveled on her lips.

The heat of my skin from rushing home so I could try calling her again.

Ripping us apart has to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I do because I have questions, and only she has the answers.

“I’m so glad to have you here again, but how is it possible?

” I can’t stop touching her, tucking hair behind her ear, staring at the face I had memorized just to see if anything changed.

Despite my need to be all over her at once, I need to make sure that she’s staying if I kiss her again.

“I doubted myself for so long that I’d overlooked what was right in front of me.

I’ve been on my own for years. My salary could pay the rent.

Maybe not where I lived, but in plenty of other parts of the city.

Bills, sure. I would’ve learned to live on a budget, but isn’t that a good life skill to have? ”

“Absolutely.”

“But it wasn’t any of those things that brought me back.

It was you,” she says. “I never understood unconditional love until you loved me. It wasn’t the flowers or heart-shaped candy boxes that I’ve been showered with over the years.

It’s not anything we can buy. It’s just the little things—you brushing your teeth next to me, working at night while I worked in the living room, giving up half your closet space.

” With our arms wrapped around each other, the emotions she’s feeling fall through tears down her cheeks.

“I miss our routine, but I miss us even more.” She leans back, feeling safe in my arms, and says, “How do we move forward?”

“One step at a time.”

“What if we forget the rules altogether.” She laughs. “We’ve never been good about following them anyway.”

“Let’s do us the best way we know how and dive right into the deep end.”

“I’ve been thinking . . . what if we pick up where we left off on that balcony on New Year’s?”

“Now’s a good time.” I pull her into my arms and kiss her, dipping her for no other reason than she deserves the big gesture.

Breathless, she hangs in my arms, and says, “The best kiss ever. Do you think you can top it?” I accept the challenge and kiss her because as entertaining as the banter always was between us, kissing her is five times better.

This time I swing her back up when our lips part but hold on to her as her knees regain their strength. “How was that?”

“Spectacular.” Not sure what catches her eyes, but she sighs in annoyance. “Dammit.” She slips out of my hold and into the kitchen. “I had it all planned and blew it.”

“What is it?”

Straightening her hair, she plasters on a grin, and asks, “Are you hungry?”

I take the bait. “Famished.” My soul is starving to be reunited with hers again, but that feels a little heavy-handed for whatever she’s trying to do, so I stay quiet and watch.

“I didn’t want to break from tradition when it comes to my apologies.” She grabs a bag and hands it to me. Her showing up at my door with those damn chips and queso wasn’t so long ago, but it’s incredible how much things have changed, including us. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“For staying gone so long. For letting you walk away without telling you that I do want to have kids, but only if they’re with you, no matter the size of your head.” A smile cracks her cheeks wide open.

I touch the top of my head. “What’s wrong with the size of my head?”

“Nothing.” She shrugs in a poor attempt to throw me off the scent. “Natalie just mentioned your mom had to get extra stitches. That’s all.”

My mouth falls open, though I’m not really offended. It’s just fun to mess with her. “I guess I should be grateful that you’re willing to birth my pumpkin head kids then.”

Laughing, she nods enthusiastically. “And just off the top of my head?—”

“More head jokes, huh?”

“No more jokes about the size of your head.” She quirks an eyebrow, but her expression softens again. “I’m sorry for not telling you I love you every morning, noon, and night with texts and calls. So here’s some chips and queso as an apology.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” I grin, taking the bag from her and peeking inside. “Why are the chips crushed?”

“I thought I’d save the wall the trouble by smashing them myself, just the way you like it.”

I start laughing, the feeling as pure as the sound, a good release as if I haven’t tasted freedom in years. But as much as I want to get caught up in her again, all up in her , I need to bring it up. “I hoped you’d come back to me, but I can’t say I didn’t lose hope sometimes.”

She caresses my face. “We all do, but please let me help you regain that faith. Do you trust me?”

“Baby, I trust you more than anyone, including myself. If I could spend every day showing you just how much faith I have in us, I would. But I can’t be selfish with you. Your dad still needs you.”

Her eyes dip closed briefly, but then she looks up and smiles. “My dad claims that scotch and good cigars led to his health issues. He’s on the road to recovery after getting the pacemaker and has a team of medical professionals hovering over him around the clock. He even has my mom visiting.

I’ve done what I can. I was there, taking care of my family. Now that he’s stronger and healthier, he doesn’t need me to be there every day anymore. That means I get to return to my life and New York, and it just so happens you’re at the center of both.”