Page 53

Rad

I’m more determined than ever. I push the nerves down, ready to fight for my future. Because I’ve had many regrets in life, but not one was being with Tealey.

The opposite is true, in fact. She made me feel I was invincible. But my pride kept me from seeing what that power was doing to her.

I leave my ego for the courtroom and knock on Jackson’s door.

The peephole darkens, but then nothing. Shit. I didn’t expect her to pretend she wasn’t home. “Tealey,” I say, pressing my ear to the door. “Can we talk? Please?”

Nothing.

I knock once more, and then the light seeps through the hole again.

Just when I think she’s going to leave me out here, I hear the door unlock, and the dead bolt turns.

The door opens, and although she’s only given me a sliver in which to see her, I feel my lungs fill with the air that was lacking from seconds earlier.

“I don’t want to talk,” she says.

“I know you don’t, but can I please say my piece?” I see her gaze lower, and though I hoped for a better reaction upon seeing me—or any, for that matter—it’s not why I’m here. “Tealey, I’m begging you.”

She tightens the robe at her neck, and replies, “Okay.”

When I realize she’s not giving me an inch more of her, I’ll take what she is offering—her ear.

“I’d crafted this long speech in my head all morning. I had it memorized like I was preparing to read it in court. It was full of points I thought you’d want to hear from me, evidence that made sense for us to be together. But?—”

“But?” Her head tilts. It’s when she lets the natural light scrape across her skin that I can see how red it is under her eyes, her lids swollen from tears. My heart twists, my chest tightening around it. Anger courses through me for causing her pain.

“I don’t want to say things only because I think you want to hear them. I want to speak from my heart and hope I hit the mark. If I don’t, then you can walk away. If?—”

“What does your heart say, Rad?” I swallow a lump in my throat.

“Having feelings doesn’t make me weak. They make me human , something I might have forgotten to be in some ways. I had my eyes set on a prize and lost the ability to see what winning was doing to me and, worse, how it was affecting you.”

She sighs, but it’s not sad or impatient. It’s taking a moment to absorb my words. It’s everything I hoped would happen. “Okay.”

“I don’t need awards or accolades. I don’t need pats on the back or to make partner, Tealey. Because if I don’t have you, none of that matters anymore.”

Her eyes are cast down. Not that I blame her, but her blank stare and straight mouth are killing me inside.

“Tealey?”

She looks back up, eyeing me through the crack of the door.

“I wouldn’t have hidden us from the world if I thought I’d had a choice. I did have a choice, though. I see that now. I was making a choice to play a part of that charade every day.”

The tension between us is thick and full of the emotions we both share. I can barely hear Tealey’s quick breaths over my own pulse rushing through my veins.

I love her. God, I love her. I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone.

“Tealey . . .”

She pauses, hesitation warring in those sparkling blues. Finally, as I shove my hands in my pockets to stop from reaching out to her, she pulls the door open a bit wider.

Her eyes dart to the floor as if looking at me is too hard. “Jackson went for a run. If you want to come in for a minute, that would be okay.”

Relief swamps me as I try not to overreact. “I’d appreciate that.”

She moves away from the door as I enter, keeping a wide distance between us. Not having her pressed against me in our usual greeting is another dagger in my heart and a reminder of all I’ve lost.

All we’ve lost. Because my actions caused Tealey to lose, too.

She moves to the leather couch, where it looks like she’s been camping out. Stuff is littered across the coffee table, from soda cans to snack wrappers, balled-up tissues, and a paperback book.

Closing the door behind me, I take the opening as an opportunity to lay out the rest of my case. Though I’m not sure where to sit or if I should stand. I’m thinking right next to her probably won’t go over well, so I sit in a chair on the other side of the coffee table from her.

She settles into the cushions and then twists her hair on top of her head, fastening it with an elastic before she rests back. Gnawing on the inside of her cheek, she toys with the belt of her robe and then takes an audible breath. “Go on.”

“Do you have any questions for me? Anything on your mind?”

She glances away with a look of annoyance filtering through her features. “Too many to bother asking at this stage.”

“What stage is that?”

“The one that has us going in reverse instead of moving forward with our own lives.” What is my own life without her? Doesn’t she see?

“I don’t want that,” I say, trying my best to stay calm and not just blurt out that I love her. She needs to be heard, especially after what I put her through. So, I let her lead.

She furrows her brows, seemingly baffled. “You don’t want what? The reverse or the forward?”

“Either. Neither option works for me.”

She arches a brow. “Well, this isn’t only about you anymore.”

“It never was only about me. I tried to do my best for everyone who wanted a piece of me and failed miserably.”

“You failed because you focused on the stuff that was always going to come back at you negatively. Such a tangled web you weaved.” She pushes up, her back stiffening.

Her hands clasp together in front of her chest. “You had me, Rad. You had me and chose to lose me over what you keep calling a charade. Getting engaged goes beyond a faux romance that was supposedly performed for Marlow’s dad. ”

Taken aback, I stare at her, now knowing why she was so upset. “You heard I was engaged?”

The question makes her bristle. “Every guest heard you were engaged, that you made it official with Marlow down on the beach before the wedding.”

What the fuck is going on? “Who’d you hear that from?”

She crosses her arms over her chest again. “Doesn’t matter,” she says pointedly.

Now everything makes sense. “It sure the fuck does matter. Someone telling you something that they had no right to say is my fucking business.”

“Not if it doesn’t change things.” She summons a deep breath, but it’s shaky. “An engagement is a declaration of your love,” she says, her voice sounding wistful. “It shows the world you’ve found your soul mate.”

I thought we were on the right track. My heart beats faster, like I might be given the chance that I so desperately want. That I need. To have it lost in an instant based on gossip . . . I’m to blame. I’m the one who hurt her. It’s because of me that she would even believe that lie.

Then her eyes pin me to the couch. “Rad, you talk a good talk, but it was about walking the walk as well. You and I were always sitting on the same side of the table. We had nothing to protect from the other. We were on the same team. Team us. But just when I thought we were really coming together, you turned against me. You just didn’t give me the courtesy of knowing your feelings had changed. ”

“We were on the same team. We are. We still are, Tealey.”

“I believe you. I really do. I think you’re hardwired to work in such a way that you’d rather hide your heart than put it on the line to be hurt. And I think that’s why you did this, whether you’re conscious of it or not.” She stands, leaving me so much to digest.

But the flaw in her argument . . . I rub the bridge of my nose, realizing I do treat us like we’re on different sides of a case.

She leans her hip against the kitchen bar with her arms crossed over her chest. Her anger begins to dissipate, but the distrust is still on display in her pursed lips.

I slow the questions racing through my head.

This isn’t a cross-examination. This is the woman I want to be with, the one I want to marry.

I stand, coming around the couch and resting on the back of it. We have enough separating us that I don’t want distance to add to it.

“I fucked up,” I say. “I’m sorry for that. You’re right. I had your devotion and lost your trust. My attention was divided when you gave me all of yours. But I need you to know the truth because somewhere along the grapevine, someone else lied to you.”

Her arms tighten their hold around her, making herself smaller. Fuck. Have I done that? If given the chance, I’ll make sure she always knows how much she means to me and that I value her.

“Who lied?” she asks. “About what?”

“You may think I know nothing about feelings, especially love, but hear me out. I would never , not ever sacrifice the chance to ask for your hand in marriage for a ploy to gain financial wealth.”

Her blinks have appeared measured until now, when they become erratic. “I’m not following.”

“When I ask you to marry me, that will be the only time I ever ask anybody.”

She begins to pace in front of me, staring at the floor, but occasionally glancing at me. She stops and stares me directly in the eyes. “Are you saying you didn’t ask Marlow to marry you?”

“The only woman I’d ever ask that of is you.”

I hear her gulp, and then her bottom lip wobbles. “You want to marry me?” Her hands flail in front of her face. “One day?”

I’ve never felt more certain about anything than knowing I want her in my life forever.

“I’m going to marry you one day, Tealey.

If you let me, we can work through the misinformation and get to the truth.

But I want you to know that whoever told you that Marlow and I were engaged probably has an ulterior motive.

His name probably starts with Jean as well. ”

Her eyes mist with tears. “He also said Americans have lost the art of romance.”

I hold my hand out, palm up for a long couple of seconds. Finally, when she slips her hand in mine, I kiss it. “Give me a second chance to love you, Tealey Bell, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving that fucker wrong.”

The tears she’s been holding back break the dam and stream down her beautiful face. I close the gap and wrap my arms around my girl instead.

“Tealey?”

“Yeah?”

I lean back just enough to see her. Tilting her chin up to look into her eyes, I say, “I love you. I love you so much.”

Tears fall from her eyes again. “I love you,” she says. “And I’m sorry for not trusting you.” She lifts on her feet to kiss me again. Our lips are together, and our souls are in sync.

When she hugs me, I realize how much I missed not just her presence and soul that fills mine with life, but her touch, her body against mine, and this connection.

It’s been an intense sixteen hours. I wouldn’t want to repeat that again.

Stepping back, she grins. “I’m glad we got everything out on the table.” The belt of her robe loosens, and the ends fall apart. As if I couldn’t have planned it better, I strip off the hoodie I had to buy to hide my shirt. Now seems like the right time to reveal it.

I watch as her gaze guides across the design. I see the joy when it rises inside. Looking down, she pulls her shirt away from her chest, and says, “Got Rhubarb?”

I grin. “I got your rhubarb right here, babe.”

“Where’d you find that shirt? It’s perfect.”

“In the I’m-the-right-guy-for-you section of the store.”

Her lips twist with a smile that warms my heart. “Punny guy.”

I wink. “I learn from the best.”

I used to think that sex had nothing to do with dating. Dating was about companionship while sex just satisfied physical needs. I was wrong. With the right person, you not only find what you want but you also get what you need.

I kiss the top of her head and then lower to her forehead and cheek and then find her lips. When we’re left breathless, we part begrudgingly. Tealey’s smile lights up my life once again, and she asks, “Is it me or is the best part of fighting the making up?”

“I think it’s the only good part of fighting.” I smirk. “I think we should get to it. Do you still have those condoms?”

Joy sparks in her eyes. “We’ve used a lot, but I think I have a good twenty or so left. Except they’re at home.”

Home.

I wrap my arm around her shoulder and kiss her head again. “Yes, speaking of, let’s go home together. Forever.” I kiss her again and then let her go, only temporarily so she can gather her belongings. “I forgot to ask, who’s Poughkeepsie and what an unfortunate name.”

“What do you mean who ?”

I narrow my eyes in confusion. “Last night, you said you were choosing Poughkeepsie.”

“Oh.” She laughs. “The city.”

“Still lost.” I’ve learned that eventually, we’ll get there, but I’m not in a hurry.

Rolling her suitcase in from the spare room, she says, “I’m being transferred to Poughkeepsie.”

“What?” I ask, thinking we just took two steps back. “No way. Not having it. Not on my watch.”

With her hand on her hip, she cocks a brow at me over a teasing smile. “You may have a nice watch, Rad, but you have no say.”

I grin. “We’ll see.”