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Chapter 10

Deirdre

“Tell me every terrible thing you ever did, and let me love you anyway.” Edgar Allan Poe

W hen I step into our dorm room, Claire is perched at her desk, curling her hair while Incubus plays softly in the background. She watches me intently as I cross the room to the closet, her eyes narrowing with curiosity, but to my surprise, she stays silent. Her leg bounces beneath the desk, a movement that screams impatient, as if she is about to burst. I know she’s dying for me to spill some juicy details about Kieran and I’s interaction.

But I can’t. Not yet.

I pull a maroon tunic from a hanger, pairing it with black leggings. The studded booties stay. They’re a small detail, but I need to feel confident tonight, and these make me feel like I have long, slender legs versus my frumpy combat boots that are clunky and heavy. My nerves buzz beneath my skin. The butterflies in my stomach are restless. Once I’m dressed, I run my hands down the front of the tunic, ensuring everything is in place. I can’t risk looking too dressed up, or Claire will bombard me with questions.

I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and fasten a pair of simple pearl stud earrings to each lobe. I am stalling, trying to kill time before I head over to his house. My heart pounds like a drum in my chest, each beat reminding me of what’s waiting for me tonight.

After a while of sitting on my bed, mindlessly thumbing through a magazine, I can’t wait anymore. He will just have to deal with me being early, or I will drive around aimlessly until nine p.m.

I stand up as Claire starts to get dressed. Taking a deep breath, I grab my coat and sling my bag over my shoulder. Just as I am about to reach for the doorknob, Claire's voice cuts through my thoughts.

“Where are you off to?” Claire asks from the foot of the bed as she shimmies into a pair of jeans. Her head tilts curiously, amusement flickering in her eyes.

I hesitate for a split second before forcing a casual tone. “The library. I want to get a head start on that midterm assignment for McKnight’s class.”

Claire raises an eyebrow.

“Already? You haven’t even turned in the first paper? Need company?” She picks up the pink blouse on her bed and pulls it over her head. She turns to me once she’s dressed.

“No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “It’s fine. I’ll probably be there late. Aren’t you getting ready for your date with Gabe?” I nervously adjust my bag on my shoulder, avoiding Claire's gaze.

God, I suck at lying.

Claire shrugs, her smirk growing. “Fair enough. If you finish up early, though, you can always join us. We’re hitting that new taco spot, cause, ya know, Gabe thinks he knows the way to a girl’s heart.”

“Yes. He thinks tacos are everyone’s love language.” I pause. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I say with a weak laugh, already inching toward the door. “Have fun tonight.”

“You too…at the library ,” Claire teases, winking as I step into the hallway.

As soon as the door clicks shut behind me, I let out a long breath, leaning briefly against the wall. Excitement bubbles up in my stomach, but the weight of lying to Claire lingers in the back of my mind. I know she knows, and she deserves the truth. After tonight, I’ll tell her. But for now, the thought of Kieran, how I feel about him, and what’s about to happen overrides everything else.

I pull up to Kieran’s house, and it seems even grander than before. I sit in my car for a brief moment before getting out, trying to ground myself by taking slow, deep breaths. I’ve replayed every possible scenario for tonight in my head so many times that I don’t know how I’ll react to the real thing.

As I walk up the cobblestone path toward the steps, the porch light bathes me in a soft, golden glow. My heart is racing with every step. Before I have a chance to knock, the front door swings open, and there he is. His piercing eyes lock onto mine, heated with a burning desire that never fails to make me weak.

He looks rugged, his black shirt unbuttoned at the collar, sleeves rolled up, and his hair tousled just enough to make him look effortlessly magnetic.

“Deirdre,” he murmurs, his voice low and rough, but I have no time to respond. In one swift motion, he closes the distance between us, one hand grabbing me by the waist, and the other curling around the back of my neck as he pulls me to him. His lips crash onto mine, fierce and unrelenting, as though he’s been holding back for far too long. The door frame presses against my back, grounding me while my head spins. His hand on my waist grips me tighter as if he’s afraid I might slip away.

I sink into his body, melting into our kiss, every nerve in my body lighting up. The night air is cool against my skin, but his touch is searing into me. The scent of him, faint cologne mingled with the cedarwood of his house, makes my pulse quicken. He’s not gentle as he kisses me. It’s a raw, consuming expression of everything he’s been holding inside, and it leaves me breathless.

When he finally pulls back, his forehead rests against mine, and his breaths are as uneven as my own.

“I couldn’t wait,” he admits, his voice husky, his thumb brushing the side of my face.

I manage a shaky smile, my hands gripping the fabric of his shirt for balance. “I noticed.”

He steps back just enough to let me inside, his eyes never leaving mine. “Come in,” he says softly, his lips curving into a devilish grin. “Are you ready for your lesson, Miss Ravencroft?”

I walk past him slowly and glide my nails across his chest. He groans with satisfaction as he closes the door and follows me into the living room.

He turns me to face him, and the seriousness of his expression catches me off guard. “Deirdre, I need to know that you did your research, and that this is what you want.”

“Nevermore,” I say.

His face turns from serious to utterly confused. “What?”

“My safeword. Nevermore.” I smirk.

He chuckles, “A little morbid, but yeah, that’ll do the trick.” He pauses again. “I just don’t want to do too much.”

I close the distance between us and wrap my arms around his neck. “I want this. I want you, every part of you.” Looking into his eyes, I whisper, “Now, I need you to take me upstairs.”

A devilish grin plays across his lips. “No. You go upstairs. Take off everything except your panties and get in the pleasure, or nadu, position for me. Did you learn what that is?”

I nod.

I remember seeing it through one of my searches. In nadu , the submissive kneels on the ground, sitting back on her heels. She keeps her back straight with her shoulders pulled back. This accentuates her breasts. The widening of the knees suggests the vulnerability of the role. The submissive’s hands are to be flat and facing down on the thighs, suggesting that she is ready to be used. The kneeling position itself is symbolic of submission. The submissive’s head may be up or down depending on the person being served.

“What are you waiting for, Deirdre?” he asks, his voice a low growl that excites the butterflies in my stomach. I spin on my heels and hurry up the stairs. It’s easy to figure out which room is his. At the top of the staircase, his master bedroom comes into view just a few steps down the hallway, its door slightly cracked as if inviting me in.

Kieran’s master bedroom is an exquisite blend of Victorian charm and modern sophistication, a space that reflects both his intellect and complex nature. The room is huge, with tall ceilings and intricate molding that lends a sense of old-world elegance. A massive bay window dominates one wall, framed by heavy, deep-maroon velvet drapes that pool on the dark hardwood floors, letting in just enough light to create a warm, intimate glow.

The centerpiece of the room is a huge four-poster bed with dark mahogany wood, its posts carved with delicate details of vines and leaves. The bedding is a crisp white down comforter with several white pillows fixed neatly on the bed. A lone nightstand sits on the side of the bed, holding a brass lamp, a leather-bound book that resembles a journal, and a glass of water.

Across from the bed is a marbled fireplace with smoldering ashes glowing bright orange in the bottom. A plush Persian area rug ties the space together and provides me with a comfortable space to kneel.

I quickly shimmy out of my leggings and top and place them neatly on the bed. I take my place on the rug, kneeling at the foot next to one of the four-posters. Placing my hands palm down on my thighs, I cast my head down, eyes on the Persian rug. I thought I would feel silly sitting here waiting for him to make his next move, but as soon as I hear his footsteps down the hall, the anticipation of what’s to come builds inside me.

The door of the bedroom creaks open just wide enough to let him in. He takes a few steps forward and stops in front of me.

“Deirdre, look at me,” he commands.

Slowly, I tilt my chin up, and my mouth gapes open. He has removed his shirt and is only wearing his black slacks, loosely unbuttoned, with his belt in his hand.

“You look so beautiful, waiting for me like this.” He bends down before me and caresses my cheek with his thumb. He glides it down my neck and collarbone. Goosebumps form on my sensitive flesh as he touches me in the most tender way.

He lifts the hand with the belt to my mouth. “Open.”

I do as I’m told and open my mouth, my breathing rapid.

“Bite down.” He places the folded belt between my teeth.

He grins, satisfied, and stands up, backing up to the bed. He sits down on the plush comforter and admires me for a moment.

“Keep your eyes on me. Now. Crawl,” he demands.

I move to my hands and knees, my gaze steadily locked on him. Trying to be as seductive as possible, I arch my back, hoping to accentuate my ass. My breasts sway slightly as I move, and my hair falls forward down my shoulders. I try to imagine what I look like almost completely naked, crawling toward him with his belt in my mouth. Based on his heated expression and the growing length in his slacks, I’m going to guess he’s enjoying this.

Once I make it to Kieran, I have to sit up on my knees to be equal to his height on the bed. He gently tugs on the belt, releasing it from my mouth.

Running his hand through my hair. “Such a good little student. You look beautiful.”

My body hums with pleasure at his praise, and I want more.

He stands up, his slacks already loose, and says, “Take my cock out, Deidre. I need to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours.”

Eagerly, my hands tug and pull until the slacks fall to his ankles. He haphazardly kicks them to the side and stands before me, his thick erection jutting forward. The tip of his cock is swollen and glistening with a drop of pre-cum. Without thinking, I run my tongue across the tip, savoring that small drop of anticipation. The salty taste spreads across my tongue, and I let out a small moan. Kieran groans at the touch, and one hand fists my hair.

“Eager, are we?” he breathes out.

I nod, and his grasp tightens around my hair.

As I lick my lips, he slowly pushes the head of his cock into my mouth. I place one hand at the base and begin applying a slight pressure as I stroke his shaft, sucking and licking simultaneously.

His hips piston forward, and his swollen head hits the back of my throat with each thrust. I gag around his cock, and it causes him to slow his movements.

Looking up at him, I force myself to take him deeper, allowing myself to gag again until the sensation passes.

His eyes widen. “You enjoy choking on my cock?”

I moan with his cock deep in my mouth, and he relentlessly begins to fuck my mouth with urgency.

I open my mouth wider as saliva begins to pool, and my eyes begin to water. My hand squeezes harder as if to beg him to keep going. The ache between my legs is becoming too much to handle, and it’s like Kieran can read my mind.

“Touch yourself, Deirdre. Play with your clit.”

Applying pressure to my sensitive nerve endings, I rub myself in rough circles, desperate for relief. Kieran continues to forcefully fuck my mouth as I frantically chase the release that’s teetering on the edge.

His cock begins to swell in my mouth, and I begin to moan louder, coaxing him to come down my throat, needing to taste his arousal. I’m eagerly waiting for him to explode when he abruptly stops and pulls his cock out of my mouth with a loud pop .

“Stop,” he orders, chest heaving. “You’re not coming by your own hand. Get on my fucking bed.”

Without hesitation, I eagerly climb up onto his bed like a little puppy awaiting a treat from her master. I don’t even care how desperate that makes me. I want everything this man is willing to give. I lie back against his plush pillows, and it feels like I’m lying on a cloud.

He stands up at the side of the bed and looks down at me, smirking with that mischievous grin I’ve come to know. “Take off your panties and spread your legs.”

I do as I’m told, and he kneels, positioning himself between my legs. As he looks down at the most private parts of me, I begin to get nervous, and as the vulnerability washes over me, I instinctively try to close my legs.

Panic tightens in my chest, my heart pounds loudly, and I wonder if I’m already ruining everything before it even begins. No matter how much I want this, the fear grows, gnawing at every fragile part of me.