Page 38 of Neptune

________

LUKE

Present

I t feels like everything that happened to us seven years ago comes back to me again, as if it just happened yesterday.

With a feeling this strong, I don't know how I'm going to get rid of this fire inside me. My feelings for her burn like an endless flame.

It tortures me, but I have no intention of letting it dim, because it never will.

No matter how much it hurts right now, I'm still going to keep my promise to her.

Cassie saved me. She has helped me through the most difficult times of my life, so even if she lets me die this time—or worse, kills me herself—I will allow her to.

I've been so consumed by our moments in the past while staring at the gerbera daisies in the back garden of my house that time flies until it reaches dinner time.

I know that Aiden will be waiting for us in the dining room, and he will be heartbroken once he finds out that neither of us is there.

But I just can't leave her now, Aiden.

My jaw tightens. Aiden doesn't deserve this atmosphere, this broken home, but I hope that he'll understand that I'm trying to make everything right so that we can live happily together.

I stride toward my bedroom to check on Cassie, but when I arrive, she's no longer here.

So I head to her bedroom. The sound of wheels rolling on the floor makes me snap my head toward the source of the noise, and I find Langston pushing the rolling food tray.

She halts when she sees me, surprised to find me standing in front of the door.

"I'm bringing her dinner to her room," she says, sympathy on her face. "She didn't think that she could join you and Aiden for dinner tonight."

I sigh. "I understand. Let me bring it to her."

Langston looks at me with a sad expression, knowing that we must have had a huge fight from how devastated both of us look.

She passes the rolling tray to me, and I push it, stepping into Cassie's room.

She's sitting on her bed, hugging her knees.

Tears are rolling down her cheeks as she cries softly. My eyes widen as I stare at her broken form.

Cassie startles when she finds me walking in. She straightens up, pushing her back against the headboard.

My heartbeat increases rapidly the closer I get to her. I always have this kind of feeling every time I'm around her, like a lovesick fool.

Despite how many years have passed, she's still the same Cassie who took my breath away. The same girl who almost died just to return my brother's coat, who let me kiss her all night and who broke into tears when I left her.

My whole body is on alert as I see how much she’s been crying. Her eyes are filled with pain and disappointment as she looks at me.

That look stabs my heart like a knife.

What have I done to her?

Fuck. I made her cry. I hurt her.

"Cassie." My voice is shaking when I finally realize how much I’ve hurt her.

"You're just the same as everybody else," she rasps. "You never believe me. In your eyes, I'm still the nation's whore." Her tears keep flowing.

It feels like her words just ripped my heart apart.

At this very moment, the sight before me makes me see that she wasn’t lying.

But why did I have to break her apart first to see all of that?

I couldn't take it when she glorified that fucking bastard ex-boyfriend of hers, even just for a split second. It was enough to make me beyond livid, to the point that I didn’t believe her.

But now that I see her crying, tears streaming down her face, saying how heartbroken she is from hearing how I judged her wrongly, I know that she's not covering anything.

She didn't betray me. She didn't cheat on me.

"No matter what I said, you wouldn't believe me," she cries. "Whatever I said, you wouldn't trust me. That hurts me, Luke, to the core. It hurts me to know that you think of me as that kind of woman." She chokes.

I freeze.

I didn't trust her. I didn't want to hear her out. I was too consumed by rage.

What have I done? I'm her husband. I should have listened to her when nobody else wanted to.

She stares at me. "Now do you believe me?" Her voice is a broken whisper.

"Cassie," I rasp. "I do. I do believe you now."

She breaks into tears and shakes her head. I know that I've messed up big time. I should have believed her from the start. Not like this.

I'm fucking ashamed of myself.

"Cassie," I whisper, trying to lean closer and touch her face.

"No." She slaps my hand away. "Leave me alone." Her voice is hoarse, her lips trembling.

Still, I don't move from the bed. Another sob breaks from her, and it shatters my heart .

I didn't mean to hurt her.

I’m so bad at it. Instead of helping her remember me, I make her hate me even more.

I’m so bad at making her remember me.

Those exteriors of me are all I have to hide how much she hurt me.

Now, as I look at her wiping her tears, I realize that I've indeed made a terrible mistake. Jealousy has taken over me, and I've lost control.

My trust issues have made me become the man that I despise.

I’ve become someone who hurt her the most when all she needed was for me to believe her.

"You should eat your dinner," I whisper, staring at her with concern. I know that she tends to skip her meals every time she's feeling down. "I don't want you to get sick."

She still doesn't throw me a glance, staring at the wall ahead, and I wait for her response.

"I'm sorry,” I say. “I'm sorry for accusing you."

She goes silent, still not shifting her attention to me.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," I say, my voice laced with guilt and regret. "I was wrong. I should have believed you from the start. I should have listened to you."

I grit my teeth. Cassie still doesn't want to look at me.

"I was consumed by jealousy," I say. "I was enraged by something that wasn't real, like it was my paranoia. I wasn't in the right state of mind. You were right—I was blind."

Still hearing nothing from her, I feel my heart sink. But I can understand if she's still mad at me.

"I just want to let you know that I fucked up. I trust you, Cassie, and I know that it may be too much to ask, but I need you to trust me too—"

"You don't have to worry about making everything right, about trusting each other.” Her voice is shaking. “There's no need for us to do that. By the end of one year, our deal will be terminated as we agreed before. This is just a fake marriage, after all."

Each of her words feels like a knife slicing my heart, one by one.

No sound leaves my throat. I don't know what to say to her anymore if she feels like that. Her statement is far from the truth, and the pain is unbearable.

Instead of countering her words to make us fight again, I tear my gaze away from her.

"We're not doing this tonight," I whisper before my eyes dart to her food tray. "Don't forget to eat."

And with that said, I walk away from her, giving her the time and space that she needs.

I trudge along the hallway, leaning against the wall as I drag my legs, my hand shot to my chest. Cassie's words keep echoing in my ears, and my heart keeps bleeding and bleeding.

Halfway through the corridor, my vision starts to get blurry with tears, and I slump against the wall, a soft cry escaping from my lips.

It hurts so much, Cassie. It hurts to hear those words again from you.

I still remember the first time I saw her again after seven years, how she hated my guts.

"You're crazy," she barked. "You're insane. You're a lunatic."

Maybe I really am, but didn't she say the same thing about herself all those years ago? She was crazy, just like me.

We were crazy about each other, weren't we?

My heart clenches. My mind flashes back to our wedding day when she almost left me at the altar. She thought that this marriage was a fraud.

She glared at me. "You pushed me into this marriage. You took advantage of my trapped state. How can I make such a vow to someone like you?"

But I’ve never taken advantage of her. I’ve never used her. I'm doing this to protect her, to fulfil my promise to her that I'll cherish her.

This isn't all an act. These are my true feelings for you, Cassie. Can't you see that?

Before I know it, I break down on my knees, still gripping my chest, as if to ease the pain.

Langston gasps as she notices the state I'm in. She rushes to me and bends down to help me stand up but then stops.

Instead, she puts her hand on my shoulder.

"Oh my dear Lord," she rasps. "Luke, what has hurt you like this? How can both of you keep torturing yourselves like this?" She chokes, breaking into tears too.

She knows all of our stories and what happened during all these years.

I wish I could answer her, but I don't know the answer. Another cry leaves my lips—it's getting even harder to breathe.

Fuck this fucking pain, because it hurts like hell.

"Neither you nor Cassie deserve this," she whispers. "Even Aiden doesn't deserve this," she adds. "You don't deserve this pain, Luke. After all these years. After the hell that you've been going through for so long. Nobody in the world should feel this kind of pain." She sniffs, wiping her tears.

I know that I've been through hell, but I also know that it will be worth it. Because had I not gone through that hell, we wouldn't have made it to where we are now.

"Let it out, Luke," Langston says, her eyes glistening with tears as she looks at my bloodshot eyes. She nods in understanding. "Just let it out."

"Oh, God," I rasp as my sobs break. I grip my chest even harder, trying to bear the pain in my throat as my tears keep falling.