Page 2 of Nave (Henchmen MC: Next Generation #14)

Lolly

“Okay. Alright. It’s alright.”

My heart was attempting to punch its way out of my chest, and my knuckles ached from gripping the wheel.

The wind was whipping so relentlessly it was making the car pull hard toward the center divider.

I’d given up on anything close to visibility ten minutes ago, when the rain started to pelt with fury against my windshield, making it impossible for the wiper blades to keep the glass clear.

It wasn’t helping that one of the blades was falling apart, the little rubber protector hanging off from the midway point, making it whine across the window with each rapid swipe.

I had to get off the highway.

There was no way for me to see if something was in the road ahead. And with wind like this, trees could be down anywhere.

I searched the darkness, looking for the right place.

Not the well-lit chain gas station. Or the convenience store across the street. Places that, in a past life, would have looked like safe havens to me. But now, all I saw was all the ways I could be spotted.

I drove further down until I came across a sprawling abandoned building. So long abandoned, in fact, that an actual tree had burst through the roof—swaying in the wind.

The chances of video cameras on a building in that much disrepair seemed slim to none.

Just in case, though, I turned off my lights before turning into the lot, wincing as the car hit the curb, then climbed it before slamming back down again.

“Almost there.”

I wasn’t sure if I was talking to myself or the chocolate brown toy poodle sitting in the passenger seat with her tight purple anxiety shirt on under her harness.

Her little body was trembling as I pulled behind the back of the building, letting the engine idle so the window didn’t fog up. To be fair, she shook relatively often. But her whole body was vibrating when I unclipped her safety belt and pulled her into my arms.

We were quite a pair, the two of us.

“I know. It’s been a rough couple of days, huh?” I asked, burying my face in Edith’s soft, powder-scented fur.

The urge to cry was almost overwhelming, the stinging at the backs of my eyes requiring a lot of blinking to fight off.

I needed to at least try not to let my emotions get the better of me. It was more important than ever to attempt to keep myself calm.

Even if my whole world just went off its axis and had been spinning ever since.

“I’m sorry we had to do this,” I told the dog that had been the sole reason I kept chugging along the past several years.

Because even on the days when the hopelessness of my life made me think that there was no reason to force my weary limbs to climb out from underneath the fort of blankets piled on top of me, Edith’s soft little whimpers to go outside or be fed were the only things to force me to be vertical. Even if it was just for an hour.

Sometimes, the act of caring for her reminded me to eat and drink and shower as well. Others, at least I had a buddy to curl up with me under the blankets and sleep the day away.

While taking her with me created a whole new complication that had required a lot of preparation, there was no way to leave her behind.

Edith gave my cheek a quick lick before letting out one of her dramatic huffs.

“I’d offer to take you out to go potty, but you and I both know you’d rather gnaw off your own foot than go out in that.”

To that, she sniffed, wiggling until I let her down onto my lap. She curled up in a circle, tucking her head in tight against me, and drifting off to sleep.

She hated the car.

Which was something I never could have known until I shoved her into one with me and hit the gas.

She hated the faces in the cars that passed.

Hated the horns beeping and the music blasting from stereos.

And she really, really hated the gas station attendants that insisted on cleaning the windshield at each stop we’d been to since driving into New Jersey.

Between the anxiety about running, the stress that accompanied driving a car for the first time in years, and Edith’s chronic barking at anything she didn’t like, I’d been a ball of frazzled nerves for days on end.

What I really needed was sleep.

I even reclined my seat all the way back and reached for a blanket to cover us both.

But all I could do was stare up at the roof, fixating on a burned spot that looked like someone had possibly been reckless enough to put out a cigarette into the felt.

This car had a whole three or four lifetimes before I got it horribly used and at a steep discount.

It was perpetually stuck on one radio station that, since getting to the upper east coast, had been playing nothing but static that set my teeth on edge, a crack in the windshield I’d been praying wouldn’t splinter across the whole glass panel, and so many mystery stains on the seats that I wasn’t really sure what color it had been originally.

Tan maybe. Or gray. Definitely not the grubby brown it currently was, making me spread towels over the surfaces so Edith and I didn’t need to sit in the filth.

Slowly but surely, Edith’s shaking lessened as sleep fully claimed her. Leaving me utterly alone in my anxiety.

I tried rectangular breathing. I tried grounding myself by counting five things I could see, hear, smell, and touch. I tried listing all the ways I’d done this perfectly right.

But still, the uncertainty was as clinging as glitter.

It wasn’t long before the general worries gave way to the what-ifs.

What if he wasn’t in town?

What if I couldn’t find him?

What if he didn’t want to see me?

What if he wouldn’t help me?

It had been years, and I was still hanging all my hopes on the fact that he would remember his offer to help me.

Would he still recall that long-ago promise?

Would he even remember me at all?

A guy like that had to catch the eye of a thousand women a year. More. What were the chances that he would remember some random woman he’d hardly even spoken to, let alone kissed or touched or anything that might anchor a memory?

“Stop,” I mumbled to myself.

It wasn’t going to do any good to borrow concerns from tomorrow. Lord knew I had enough of them to keep me company right then.

Reaching back, careful not to disturb Edith, I rummaged in my bag for the bottle. It jingled as I pulled it forward, twisting off the top, and taking one of the pills out. I tried not to gag over the scent of it as I reached for my watery soda.

Then I tossed the pill in my mouth and guzzled the coffee until I was sure it was down there and the taste was off my tongue.

There.

That was one thing off my list.

One less thing to worry about.

Though it created its own new one too. The nausea that was going to plague me for at least half a day.

Oh well.

It had to be done.

Outside, the storm raged. Brilliant flashes of lightning and massive roars of thunder. Rain that seemed like it was trying to wash the world of its sins, it was coming down so hard.

I watched as a whole town went dark after a particularly bright bolt of lightning. Heard the trill of police sirens that said someone likely hit a tree or pole.

A hotel or motel was the kind of place you wanted to be in a storm like this. Somewhere safe. With plumbing that took the brunt of the lightning, if it came that close, so your body didn’t become the conductor.

But hotels and motels were their own kind of dangerous now.

God, the whole modern world was.

But I would figure it out.

I would.

I had to .

I reached to turn the car off, not wanting the puffs of smoke from the engine to draw the attention of cops. The absolute last thing I needed was the government to have my whereabouts. It was all as good as over then.

And not just because I was driving without a license. Or insurance.

It went way deeper than that.

“Ugh.” I couldn’t shut my mind off.

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, feeling how dry and gritty they were from watching the road and a complete lack of sleep.

Over the past five days, I was pretty sure I only managed about four or five hours. And even those were restless. I needed some rest if I was going to not seem like a crazy person running around town asking every person I met if they knew the man I was looking for. And where he lived.

I definitely needed to have my head on right when I finally tracked down Nave. Otherwise, I was going to sound like I was telling him some tall tale.

Hell, I was living through the situation, and I still couldn’t quite believe what was going on. What had become of my life in a few years.

It felt like the plot of some made-for-TV movie, all close-up reaction shots and a dubious amount of reality.

But it was real.

And I needed help if I was going to stay free.

The only person in the entire world who’d ever offered that to me was a man I’d known for just a few days many years back. He’d had shrewd eyes and a kind smile. And I wished to hell I’d listened when he told me all that time ago to run, to run far and run fast and never look back.

Would’ve. Could’ve. Should’ve.

But I didn’t. Not until it was way too late.

No, not too late.

I was still alive.

I still had some fight left in me.

More now, actually, than ever before.

I had a lot to live for.

And I knew that if I failed, I would never ever get a chance at living my own life on my own terms again.

I had one shot at this.

Even if this Nave guy wasn’t in town or if he didn’t want to help me, I was going to figure it out. I was going to do whatever it took never to have to go back to my old life.

That, finally, was a thought that I could fall asleep to.