Page 17 of Nave (Henchmen MC: Next Generation #14)

Lolly

I had the first picture of my baby in my purse.

Nave had a copy in his pocket.

The doctor, it seemed, didn’t have all the details right about my whole, you know, situation. She clearly thought Nave was the father.

And for some reason, neither of us corrected her.

When we got back to the SUV, Nave reached into his pocket, removing the picture. My stomach twisted, thinking he might just toss it on the floor or in the door compartment. But he pulled down the visor and carefully clipped it under the mirror.

“Don’t wanna wrinkle it,” he explained.

My heart felt like it expanded to twice its size in my chest.

I won’t lie to myself and try to pretend that there hadn’t been many moments over the past few weeks when Nave would look at me a certain way, or he would throw his head back and laugh—sending shivers down my spine—or when he would reach for me, hold me, even playfully nudge me, when I would get, you know, some less-than-appropriate thoughts.

And that wasn’t even bringing up how many sweaty dreams I’d been dealing with. Because I’d been napping more, he’d been invading my dreams with sexy fantasies at least twice a day.

But it had all been sweet, superficial attraction. Hormones, even. My reptilian brain looking for a mate.

In the doctor’s office, as he protected me from my own irrational fears, and then as he shared in the miracle of a heartbeat with me, something had shifted.

It wasn’t as simple as my body desperately wanting to feel good after so many years of being denied the privilege.

It was more, deeper.

And, sure, maybe I was just projecting that onto him because he was sharing in some monumental moments in my life.

But I could have sworn there was something in his eyes when the doctor handed him his picture of the sonogram that said he was having similar feelings.

“So, milkshake?” he asked as he reversed out of his parking spot.

“God, yes.”

“Was it that bad?” he asked, shooting me a horrified look. “I’ve seen those… pussy opener things.”

It was so absurd, so unexpected, that a laugh bubbled up and burst out of me. The sound had his eyes warming and his own lips twitching.

“Known to everyone else as a speculum ,” I said, shaking my head at him.

“I mean, I’m not wrong, though, am I?” he shot back.

“You’re not wrong. And, no. It’s not that bad.

It’s uncomfortable and really, really, ridiculously awkward.

But I imagine I will have to learn to get used to a lot of awkwardness moving forward.

There’s nothing… demure about the whole delivery process.

I’ve been reading those books you dropped off for me. And…” I shot him a grimace.

“Lots to look forward to, huh?” he asked.

“And only about eighty percent of it is wildly horrifying.”

“But just think, there will be a baby at the end of it all.”

“Which is possibly the only reason women still consent to reproducing. I think the baby and the feel-good hormones after delivery make you kind of forget all the bad stuff.”

“Memory-erasing baby hormones. Something to look forward to. Alright. What do you think, milkshakes and the park? It’s nice out today.”

“That sounds great. No cameras,” I added, hating that I had to think about that everywhere I went. I couldn’t even take off my sunglasses or hat in remote, camera-free areas. Because everyone had a camera in their pockets. Everyone was filming in public now. It wasn’t worth the risk.

I knew Nave seemed sure that there would come a time when I wouldn’t have to worry about Ben anymore. To me, though, that future was hard to imagine or believe in.

We got our milkshakes (chocolate for me, peanut butter for him) and drove out to Nave’s favorite park. It featured play areas for kids, a walking path near a lake, a historical farm where you could walk around and look at all the animals, and long, winding paths through the woods.

“Want to do a short one?” Nave asked, milkshakes long gone, farm animals fawned over, and the loop already traversed. “Or are the woods not a good place?”

“It’s different now,” I admitted, adding silently: With you.

“Any point it starts to freak you out, I can piggyback you right outta there.”

He meant that, too.

And that was why he was someone a girl could trust.

“Are there any creatures in the woods here?”

“I practically lived in these woods as a kid. Don’t think I ever saw anything bigger than a rabbit. And a couple of horny squirrels once. Try not feeling embarrassed about seeing that when you’re with your parents.”

“You always smile when you talk about them.”

“They’re great parents.”

“You’re still close?”

“Definitely. I called a lot even when I was on the road.”

“What are they like?”

“My father is what you think about when you think of a great dad. Calm, tolerant, a great listener. My mom is devoted and kind and understanding of my need to blaze my own path. They’ve both been through a lot in their lives.

Both struggled with addiction before I was born, so they definitely have that ‘been there, done that, so I’m not going to judge you for your mistakes’ vibe. ”

“That must be so nice. My parents did too. You know, with the addiction thing. Though, I don’t know if they struggled with it. They seemed to really enjoy it. Sorry, that was… not kind.”

“But sometimes people don’t deserve kindness. Depending on how they treated you.”

“Well, it wasn’t well,” I admitted. “They were kind of what you think of when you think of, well, trash. They were forever losing jobs, starting fights, not paying bills. I think most of my summers when I was little didn’t involve air conditioning or lights. Or, you know, food.”

“Loll…”

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy. We lived in my grandparents’ trailer.

Which would have been fine. Except they didn’t take care of it.

They actively trashed it sometimes. The walls had holes in them, letting in the hot and cold air.

And the water. Which made the living room rug, where I slept, get musty and moldy.

Once, I woke up and there was a rat a few inches from my head.

When I screamed, it ran out through that hole. ”

“That’s fucked up. No one should have to live like that. Let alone a kid.”

“I started working at fifteen. But when I had some money stashed away, I came home to find it gone. Took me ages to build it back up again. I’d been counting down the days until I could graduate and move out.”

“Understandably. Are they still alive?”

“Well, wow, actually… I have no idea. I wanted no contact with them after I finally got an apartment, and they showed up and stole a few of my new things to, I imagine, hock. Then, well, Ben.”

“I can look into that if you want.”

“No. I know that’s harsh, but no. I don’t think getting one toxic person out of my life and replacing them with another would be a great idea.”

“Yeah, I get that. And you do have a community now.”

“Kit and Ariah invited me to girls’ night with Gracie and Layna.”

“You should go. They always have a good time.”

“It’ll depend on what they do, I guess. I know they like going to karaoke and drag nights and stuff like that. But I don’t think I want to take that chance. But if they just go to someone’s house or something like that, I’d be game.”

“That’s good. I think you will like Layna and Gracie. Layna is a trip. Gracie is a sweetheart. And sometimes, once in a blue moon, they can drag Luna out of the house.”

“She doesn’t like going out?”

“She doesn’t love anything that involves putting down her books. She works in the library too.”

“I should ask her for the best books to read to the baby when it comes.”

“She would love to recommend something. You’re going to have the whole front dash lined in books within a month. And she will insist on you getting a library card.”

“I’d love that. I liked reading when I was young. Escapism, with my crazy home life. And the library was free. It would be nice to get back into that.”

“The library here is great. Tons of books, but also classes you can take, if anything interests you. Luna went on and on about how good the coding class coming up was going to be. And you can do it all under your fake name, so no one will see what you’re checking out or what you’re looking up online while there. ”

That was true.

It would be nice to do some specific searches based on some questions I had written down about pregnancy and childbirth. And to look up what were the best parenting books out there. Since I was going in with absolutely no experience.

“What’s wrong?” I asked when Nave, a few feet in front of me, stopped walking, then turned and put his fists on his hips.

“Well, this is embarrassing,” he said, turning back and shooting me a bashful smile.

“You’re lost.”

“Technically, we’re lost. Don’t worry,” he said, looking around again. “This place is sprawling, but nothing like the woods you’re used to. I’ll find our way back.”

I chose not to tell him that I could hear the squeals of children on the playground to the left of us as he decided to go right.

I didn’t have a fear of the woods, not really. The woods themselves were my only taste of freedom I had when I was allowed to take Edith out. And, later, take her for walks.

Besides, if there was ever someone I was happy to be lost in the woods with, it was Nave.

And it was kind of cute how flustered he got as he just kept going deeper and deeper without intending to.

“Are you okay?” he asked, turning back to me with worried eyes. “I promise I will get us out of here.”

“I’m fine,” I said, leaning back against a particularly massive tree.

“Are you sure?” he asked, moving closer.

Close enough that his spicy scent overpowered the damp earth, tree resin, and moss smells enveloping us.

His hand lifted, pressing against my cheek.

“You’re red.” I was sure it started as just being a little warm from the walk.

But the second his skin touched mine, little fires sparked, and I could feel the flush of desire warming my cheeks.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said, though the way I swallowed hard wasn’t exactly convincing.

Nave’s hand slid down from my cheek to my neck, feeling the frantic fluttering of my pulse.

“Your heart is racing.”

My neck was suddenly not the only place I felt my pulse pounding.

Desire had drifted down my spine and pooled through my core.

“Babe…” The concern was etched between Nave’s brows, was in the tightness around his eyes. “You’re breathing a little fast. Maybe we should get you back to Hailstorm, so—”

“I’m okay,” I insisted, sucking in a deep breath. But just then, his hand shifted back a bit, and a whole-body shiver moved through me.

Lines formed between his brows, his head cocking a bit, still caught between confusion and concern.

Despite myself, my eyes triangulated from his eyes to his lips and back. I watched understanding dawn on him, chasing away the tension around his eyes as they filled with something much more heated.

It was his turn to swallow as his hand seemed to have a mind of its own, drifting to the back of my neck, fingers teasing up into my hair, making my belly flip-flop.

He stepped in closer.

My breath hitched.

“You haven’t been in control for so long,” he said, his gaze drifting to my lips, then back up, looking even more heavy-lidded. “I don’t want to—”

I had no idea where it came from. I’d never, even before Ben, been bold in my desire.

But my hand went up, grabbing the front of his tee, and yanking him closer.

His lips brushed mine once, twice, like he was still seeking permission that had already been so freely given.

When a soft sound escaped me, his mouth found mine like he had been holding his breath all day, like I was the breath he so desperately needed.

And I just melted into him, my arms sliding up and around his neck, our chests pressed together.

The contact seemed to unleash him.

He pressed me back against the tree, his lips hard and hungry, his scruff scratching, his tongue teasing, his teeth nipping.

All the air felt trapped in my chest, expanding, making me sure that if I wasn’t holding onto him, I would have simply floated away.

His tongue teased against mine again, his fingers tightening on the back of my neck.

There was something so refreshing about his lack of control, about the feral aspect of his desire that had him pushing me more firmly against the tree, his pelvis pressing into mine.

At the feel of his hard length against my stomach, a deep, throaty sound escaped me.

His matching groan had the need ratcheting up, a clawing, desperate sensation that begged for relief.

Nave’s hand slipped from my neck, sliding across my shoulder, drifting downward to—

The crunch of a twig had us both springing apart.

Nave, the protector he was, stepped back, glancing around, hands already curled into fists, ready for a threat.

While I could do nothing but lean against the tree, reveling in the long-forgotten sensations flooding my body.

Adrenaline pinged off each nerve ending, seemingly everywhere at once. Pulsing, pounding, sizzling.

“Hey,” Nave called, making me jerk. “Is that the way back to the park?”

So, someone was there.

I probably should have moved away from the tree to see whom Nave was talking to. But my damn legs felt a little unsteady, and I needed the tree for support.

If this was what it was supposed to feel like with a man and a woman, then, well, I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt anything like it before.

“Yeah. I’m heading back if you want to follow me,” a soft, older man’s voice said.

“Thanks,” Nave said, reaching out for my hand and gently pulling me along with him.

Thankfully, letting myself notice how his fingers slipped through mine and tightened was enough to take my attention away from my weak legs.

Nave fell into companionable conversation with our guide. While I went ahead and just enjoyed the way the timbre of Nave’s voice seemed to wash over me.

As we drew closer to the end of the trail, the laughter of children filled the woods, making my lips curve up.

When I looked, Nave was smiling too.

My heart leapt.

Before I reminded myself that I couldn’t go getting my hopes up for a man just because he liked kids.

When my mind tried to remind me of all the other reasons I had to like Nave, though, I simply had to ignore them.

Almost as if sensing the direction of my thoughts, Nave dropped my hand to reach out and shake our guide’s hand before he ambled away.

“Let’s get you back home before I get you lost again,” he said.

But he didn’t look at me when he said it.

What was that?

Regret?

My stomach twisted as I slid into the car.

I spent the whole ride back to the homestead reminding myself that it was for the best, that men hadn’t offered me much good in the past, that my baby and I were probably better off alone.

But when I lay down to sleep, all I could think about was Nave’s lips, his hands, the soft flutter of his breath on my skin, his hand holding mine.

“Dammit.”