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Sugar

I t took me the entire afternoon and evening before I could move with full control of my muscles.

Grant fixed me food, some of which I ate, and kept me company with his dog the entire time. He brought me some of his clothes—sweatpants and a sweatshirt which were huge on me. When I was able to get up into a chair, he tucked more blankets around me.

I remained in a daze. I’d had what felt like days to think about it all during my travel or flight or whatever that was, but reasoning was hard when all I still had inside me was anger, hurt and resentment.

Why had I ended up here? Was this part of my father’s spell? And what was a reindeer shifter doing so far away from his own family and the North Pole? Had someone put a spell on him, as well? What if this was all a trick?

I didn’t know what to do.

At least Grant was nice enough. He had saved me, after all. And his dog was nice, too, coming up every once in a while to sniff me as if to make sure I was all right.

Father’s last words haunted me. Find your mate. You have until Christmas or you will become an elf figurine forever.

When did any of this become about a mate? Did he think that might calm me down, make me more mature?

This was about making me go out on my own to teach me a lesson. I’d been booted from the nest and was now expected to make my own way.

I worried about Sno. I’d heard what sounded like crying right before Father had sent me into the darkness.

“Hey, do you have a cell?”

Grant turned to face me. He’d just gotten done feeding Velvet. He walked toward me, pulling his phone from his pocket. “Here. I paid dearly to get Wi-Fi and reception here so it will work.”

I punched in the number to Sno’s phone. Immediately, a message came up: UNABLE TO CONNECT. I tried again, thinking it might be a fluke. The same message popped into a window.

“What the fuck?” I tapped the phone’s screen. The spell had blocked me from Sno, which wasn’t fair. To him or me. It bothered me that Sno might be trying to find me.

I tried calling Father. Same message.

That was it, then. I didn’t know anybody else’s number by heart.

Father’s magic had been thorough.

“Nothing?” Grant asked.

I shook my head, letting my hair hang in my eyes to hide my emotions. I handed him back his phone.

“It must’ve been a very strong spell if you can’t get through.”

“It’s inside me, blocking me at every turn. I can’t contact them at all.”

“Your father?”

I nodded. “And Sno. My, well, my other father.” I didn’t want to say nanny. It sounded too childish.

Grant sat, watching me carefully. “Your father who did the spell isn’t an elf then.” It wasn’t a question.

Well, he kind of was. The Santas were elves, just a rarer and different race than us regular elves. They held a magic more powerful than anyone. But I didn’t want to admit that yet to Grant. He knew who the Santas were, of course. He probably already suspected a Santa had done this. Few other species, aside from rare mages, had magic powerful enough to turn me into a statue and send me so far away.

“I don’t want to talk about my father.”

“I can understand that.” His rich voice turned soft. It was as if more ice melted away inside me to hear it.

Grant continued. “I said it before, and I’ll say it again. I’ll help you in any way I can. If you have relatives or friends looking for you, I’ll help you get to them. I’ve got a truck outside in the garage.”

“Thank you. You’ve already done so much and I’m a stranger. You don’t even know me.”

“I know you’re from the same place where I grew up. It’s so rare to find anyone from Santa’s Village in the outside world. You’re like family. I’ve been away for fourteen years. You’re the first I’ve come across.”

Grant was right. It did feel like I’d found someone from a sort of family. After fourteen years, I decided he must be very lonely. Whatever made him live away from the North Pole, maybe it was similar to my own dilemma.

Aside from my gratefulness to him, something tugged deep. It was a combination of things including the setup of the cozy cabin, the scent on the blankets reminding me of my favorite donuts from Cookie Street, and Grant himself. Something in me wanted to curl up here and go to sleep and never leave.

But if I wanted to break my father’s awful spell, if I ever wanted to see Sno again, I couldn’t let myself become complacent. I had to get up and go find my life.

For right now, though, I could rest. Grant said I could stay. I needed to gather my strength. And my wits. And maybe I could take him up on his offer of help, get him to drive me to the nearest large city where certainly there would be so many choices of careers and boyfriends, that I could find whatever I needed.

I stared at the fire, my eyelids drooping, my mind wandering.

“Sleepy?”

I looked up. Grant was standing over me. I couldn’t suppress a huge yawn.

“You can take the bedroom. I just changed the sheets this morning. I’ll take the couch.”

“I’ll sleep in here with the fire if you don’t mind. I like it. Will Velvet stay with me?”

“She has a bed in here and in my room. She’ll probably wander back and forth during the night. She was very concerned about you.”

I bit down on a smile. “I noticed her checking on me every once in a while.”

“She’s smart. She’s only ever known people, not other dogs. The fact that she trusts you says a lot to me.”

No one had ever been so nice to me, aside from Sno. And Father when he wasn’t on long trips all the time. Or gone for every Christmas. Reindeer shifters had been the worst, their egos taking up all their space. Whenever I’d been around them, I always got the feeling I wasn’t wanted, that I was a lesser person.

Not so with Grant.

“Let me help you get settled,” Grant said.

I thought that meant rearranging the pillows. But not to Grant. He brought out a clean sheet, put it over the cushions, then made up what looked like a real bed for me.

When I stood, his sweatpants sagged on me, nearly falling off my hips because the drawstring had come undone. I grabbed the waistband to hold them in place so I didn’t trip, then climbed onto the couch.

Grant pulled two thick blankets over me, tucking in one side against the couch’s back.

I hadn’t been tucked into a bed since I was a kid. And it was almost always Sno who did it.

“You know where the bathroom is, of course.”

I nodded. I’d used it earlier.

“You’ve got a fresh towel and washcloth and toothbrush. Can you think of anything else you need?”

“No. Thank you, Grant. You’ve made sure I have everything.”

He didn’t look completely satisfied. “The fire will go out during the long night, but I’ve got the heat on. I don’t use it much so if you hear it come on and it smells a little dusty, that’s why.”

“Okay. But these blankets are fine. You don’t have to use the heat.”

He smiled, shrugging. “If you get hungry, there’s the kitchen. Help yourself to anything you want. I usually get up around seven or eight. Will you be wanting breakfast?”

I was feeling guilty, as if I was taking everything in sight from a benefactor who didn’t know me. But all I could do in the moment was to be thankful.

“I love breakfast.”

“Good. Have a good sleep. And don’t be afraid to wake me if you have any other problems.”

I settled back into the comfy pillows as the lights went out. I heard Grant’s soft footfalls as he went down the hall and into the bathroom.

Silence.

The fire flickered beautiful shadows on the walls and curtains. It was still snowing outside. Every once in a while some larger flakes would tap at the windows.

I dozed off, still half aware. I heard Velvet get up and leave for a while, wanting to be with Grant.

All alone now, my fears began to crowd at the edges of my mind. My father’s angry face flashed before me over and over. Sno’s cries, sounds I’d never heard from him before, echoed through me.

Father kept saying, “Santa’s Village isn’t for you.” Then, “Trust my magic.” He had been speaking to Sno, but I’d heard him.

How could I trust someone’s magic who had created a spell in such anger? My father hated me, now. My breaths came faster and faster as panic set in. My chest grew heavy. I needed more air.

I scrambled out from under the blankets and stood in the cooling air. The fire was mere sparks, staring at me with gold accusing eyes. I bent over, trying to catch my breath. It felt like a vise was squeezing at my entire body. Maybe I was trying to become a figurine again.

That thought made me cry out as dizziness hit. Was this it? Was I going to die?

“Sugar, it’s all right. You’re safe. You’re safe.”

A hand gently touched the center of my back.

A soft keening filled the room. The sound came from me. Everything was black with white flashing lights at the edges of my vision.

As if from nowhere, Grant’s arm was around my shoulders, and he spoke softly, utterly calm. Confusing me.

“There you go.” He was holding onto my waistband where the sweats had fallen to my thighs.

“Sno. I need?—”

“I know, but he’s not here. You’ll see him again. I’m sure.”

Hot tears splashed my cheeks. I tried to hold them back. This, whatever was happening, was embarrassing. I turned to pull away. I didn’t want Grant to see me this way.

“Sugar, let’s sit back down here so you don’t fall.”

His voice felt far away. It made sense, but it was too late. I was already falling in my mind, in my heart.

“That’s it,” said the calm voice. “Bend your knees. There we go.”

My ass hit the cushions. It made things a little better. But I still couldn’t breathe right.

“Let’s just sit a little, okay?” That voice again. Like Sno, but not. It was Grant and I was embarrassed at being such a screw up elf. Disruptive. Interfering. Not good in school. Not good on a job. Definitely not a good son. And here I was again, the chaotic element, disturbing the good sleep of an honest shifter because I was so hopeless I’d needed him and his dog to rescue me.

“Let’s be still and just concentrate on breathing right now, okay?” said my rescuer. “Deep breaths. Slow. Can you do it with me?”

I heard him take a long breath, then let it out like a slow wind.

“Focus on just that. Do it with me,” he repeated.

I followed his lead and sniffled, then took a breath at the same time he did. I tried to match him. It was hard at first since I’d been choking down air as fast as I could. Eventually, I slowed down and my body began to relax.

The room misted into focus. The fire was out. The only light came from the kitchen where a dim bulb had been left on over the stove. Velvet sat at my feet, her eyes big and ears forward.

“That’s right. Good. You’ve got it.”

When everything seemed fairly normal, I was even more mortified at myself.

“I’m sorry I woke you.”

“Velvet woke me,” Grant replied. “She was worried.”

I nodded. “She’s an intuitive dog.”

“You’re right. Very special.”

“I guess it was just a weird nightmare,” I said, trying to brush it all off.

“It was a panic attack.”

“A what?”

Grant nodded. “You’re still in shock from the spell, I would guess.”

“But is what you said a real thing? I mean, I guess I did panic a little, but?—”

“Very real. And you just had one. Let’s relax now and have some cocoa and I’ll build up the fire a little.”

He was being so kind, and the guilt set in again. “I don’t need all that. I’m fine.” And disruptive. And a pain in the ass to everyone who meets me.

Grant didn’t deserve this.

“What time is it?” I asked.

Grant glanced at the kitchen clock. “2:19. We’ll take a little beverage break and then you can go back to sleep, okay?”

That sounded so good I couldn’t say no. Besides, I wasn’t ready for Grant to leave yet. I didn’t want to be alone.