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14

Sugar

“ T ime for the Christmas tree, I think,” Grant said.

I clapped my hands. What elf didn’t love Christmas, even if his own father couldn’t be home for it until late in the day?

Time had passed quickly with Grant, our days full and fun, our nights magical. It was the last day of November. Christmas was approaching. I was both excited to spend my time with Grant and dreading the end of the spell. What if the spell found me unworthy? What if I didn’t do the right things? If it was meant to be punishment, well, I hadn’t really suffered except for the first few days.

The past weeks, I’d busied myself with tasks and learning everything I could that Grant was able to teach me. It kept my mind off the dread. Plus, being in love was like a drug. It made me feel like all my problems were tiny and not worth worrying about. Grant always said he would fight for me. He was there for me. And I wanted to be there for him, as well.

We set out with the axe and before long we found a tree that was perfect. It needed some trimming, but it would fit nicely by the front room window.

Grant showed me how to fell a tree, then let me do the chopping. It was hard work. I loved it. Our own little tree. It felt like a major bonding moment.

He put it on the sled and dragged it back to the cabin.

Grant had a box of ornaments in the top of his closet, plus we’d ordered some new ones together online and they’d already been delivered.

I wanted to pay for them out of my account, but he wouldn’t let me. Someday, I’d find out about the money situation and hopefully be able to contribute. I didn’t know if he had a mortgage or truck payment or what, but I had four grand I’d hand over to him in an instant. I had more than that, too, if it ever became available to me again.

Sitting on the floor like two kids on Christmas morning, Grant and I unpacked the ornaments, new and old.

At the mansion, we always had five trees in various parts of the house. But the one in the main living room was the one I always got to help decorate. Me and Sno. The rest were done by other elf housekeepers hired in October to specifically to decorate lavishly for Christmas.

Our tree looked good. Grant had trimmed some lower branches and it fit nicely, almost touching the ceiling.

“Do you have a star topper?”

“I think so.”

“Will it fit?” I asked, looking up.

“We’ll make it fit.”

Grant had some nice ornaments, but the new ones were fun, too. Some were fancy delicate glass and others were plastic. Some were toys, some shaped like icicles and some round.

“Do you want to color coordinate or go all out.”

“All out,” I answered.

It was a lot of fun and we only broke one ornament. Well, naughty me broke it. But who was keeping track? No one, not even Velvet.

We were in for another blizzard. While Grant went to the store, I tackled firewood. I’d gotten fairly okay at chopping wood, though it took me twice as long as Grant. I added to the bins on the porch and inside. It was so great to see wood I had chopped getting burned up to make the house warm. It felt purposeful.

The sky was getting stormy and dark just as Grant pulled into the garage.

This time I wasn’t just along for the ride. I was a full participant in hunkering down and getting cozy.

Grant double-checked all the shutters while I put the groceries away. He’d gotten us some wonderful treats, including cupcakes. I wondered if I would be punished if I sneaked one away to eat. I decided not to risk it. Then I thought again and opened the package, stuffing one in my mouth all in one bite. The frosting got all over my face.

Just then, Grant walked in. He took one look at me and said, “Did you just steal a cupcake?”

“No,” I said with my mouth full.

He walked up to me really fast. This was it. I was in deep trouble. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me up until I was on my tiptoes. Then he kissed me, mouth open, right on my lips.

“Mmm, chocolate,” he said.

I gulped. “Uh-uh. Vanilla.”

“Caught ya!” He grinned.

I fell right into his trap.

The storm came that evening. We had zero worries. We had a fire and a movie and a pretty lit-up Christmas tree to look at.

Just before bedtime, I took Velvet to the garage where her pee-pee pads were. She refused to go and kept running to the front door, scratching to go out.

“No, pretty girl. It’s a blizzard out there. You can’t go out.”

She didn’t seem to understand, which was weird because she never asked to go out during a blizzard.

I tried to get her to go back in the garage. She refused and kept standing by the door.

“If I show you how bad it is out there, will you go in the garage?” I asked.

She looked at me as if she understood.

I opened the door just a crack. Cold air seeped in and the sounds of the wind grew. Velvet caught her claws on the edge of the door and tried to move it open wider.

“No, girl. It’s too rough out there.” I’d taken her onto the porch with me before and she’d never behaved this way.

Through the crack, it was pitch dark. The only reason I could see snow slanting sideways was from the light through the door crack that lit up the ice crystals.

A sudden gust of wind tore at the door, knocking me back. It opened wider and before I could catch it and shut it, Velvet squeezed out.

“Hey, get back here!” I yelled.

The wind came in, blowing my hair straight back. Snow swirled at my feet. The porch, though well-protected, was covered in a white dusting.

I expected her go out and stop at the edge of the porch, but Velvet was a dark line of speed as she ran across the floor and into the night,

“Velvet! Get back here! Right now!” The wind stole my voice. I called louder. “Velvet!”

I ran out onto the porch, screaming her name.

No dog.

Behind me, the front door slammed shut. The high winds tried to knock me down as I went down the porch steps. At the bottom, I screamed her name into the storm. All I could see was darkness now. The cold ate up all my warmth until it was hard to breathe.

I called and called but it was useless. Velvet was gone. And it was my fault.

Light fell over me. I turned to see Grant at the door.

“What’s going on?” he called. “What are you doing out here?”

I ran up the steps to him and straight into his arms. “It’s Velvet. She got out and she ran into the storm. Just disappeared. She never did that before.”

Grant grabbed me to him, running his hands up and down my arms. “You’re freezing. Get inside! Now!”

I didn’t have to do a thing. He pulled me in and slammed the door. The wind stopped. I stood before him with ice in my hair, shaking.

“It’s all my fault.” I heard a sob come up from my throat.

“She’s done this only once before. I’ll go get her.”

“You can’t. It’s freezing out there!”

“I’ll shift. I’ll find her.”

“Shift?” My teeth clattered together.

“Yep. It’s the best way.” Grant started undressing, letting his clothes drop to the floor. “She can’t stay out in this, but she doesn’t know that. She sensed something. She may be in heat.”

When Grant was naked, he turned to the door. I hated to think of him going out there wearing nothing even for the few seconds it would take him to shift.

“Grant, it’s my fault. What can I do?”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “Just stay here by the door.”

I nodded.

He opened the door, and the cold was like knives slashing at us. Grant ran forward and down the steps with nothing to protect him. When he shifted, he ran off into the night and vanished.

Now I’d lost both of them.

I realized I’d been holding my breath and let it out in a big sob as I shut the door. I wrapped my arms around myself to try to stop my shaking. My thoughts turned dark, the way I’d felt back in Santa’s Village.

I couldn’t do anything right. Everything I touched turned rotten. I was just plain bad for everyone and didn’t belong.

With hot tears rolling down my face, not caring about getting myself warm, I picked up Grant’s clothes and tried to make them into a neat pile on the front table.

What a fuck-up I was. The world’s worst elf.

I opened the door a crack to look again, but there was nothing. Nothing but darkness and a windy roar that sounded angrier than ever. I tried to think of anything I could do but came up with nothing.

Again, the wind tried to pull the door from my hands. Behind me, all the lights went out.

Damn. I still hadn’t learned how to handle the generator.

I could see just enough by the light from the fireplace to get around. Grant had already laid out candles and lanterns. One by one, I lit the candles and turned on the lanterns. As I was doing that, I realized the house was shuttered and the power outage meant the outside houselights were off. What if Grant couldn’t see his way back through the wild dark? He would have to shift back to his human form to carry Velvet. He would not have his reindeer faculties.

I grabbed two lanterns and ran back to the front door. I opened it and the wind rushed by me. I was sure some of the candles guttered out, but it didn’t matter. Grant needed to see the house.

I pushed through the wind to the outside and stood on the porch, ignoring the snow flailing into my eyes. I waved both lanterns back and forth, setting up a rhythm.

My face was so cold I couldn’t feel it, but I didn’t stop. I kept swinging the lanterns.

My arms began to ache, but I didn’t stop. It seemed like forever before I thought I saw something moving out by the driveway. I squinted through the falling sleet.

There he was. Barefoot and running. It was Grant and he held something in his arms.

I kept waving the lanterns. “Grant!”

He came running up the porch steps. I moved back and held the front door for him to keep the wind from blowing it closed.

He ran straight into the front room and dropped Velvet on the rug by the fire.

I shut the front door and latched it, then ran to his side. I could barely feel my body, but I wasn’t worried about that anymore.

Grant was covered in ice, his body nearly white from it. Ice started melting and dripping from him. I looked down. Velvet lay very still, also covered in ice.

I ran to get towels and blankets.

When I came back, Grant was talking softly to his dog. I wrapped a blanket around his shoulders, then dropped to my knees.

Grant was rubbing Velvet’s body. I grabbed a towel and brushed away the melting ice, trying to dry her coat.

She didn’t move. Was she dead? I couldn’t handle it if that happened. I would just die. The stupid spell had brought me here and now Velvet was near death. The spell was about me, not her, and I’d screwed up bad. I’d be a figurine for life because of this. But I’d give it all up, be a statue forever, if I could just see Velvet barking and running again.

Tears ran down my face.

I rubbed harder at her with the towel, leaning down and blowing on each of her four paws. Grant rubbed her muzzle. “Velvet, darling. I know you can hear me. Wake up now.”

My breaths started to catch. I couldn’t help it. I began to sob.

Then I felt a shudder from her. Her leg in my hand gave a weak kick.

“Grant, she moved!”

He kept talking to her. “It’s all right, dear. You’re warm and safe now.”

Slowly, she stretched her whole body. Her mouth opened in a big yawn. Her eyes opened.

“Grant! She’s awake.”

“Yes.” He put his face up to hers. “That’s my girl.”

I kept wiping her down. She stretched but didn’t get up. She was still too weak.

“She’ll be fine now,” Grant said. The blanket had dropped from his shoulders, and he reached back and grabbed it to wrap it around himself.

As I wiped at Velvet’s fluffy tail, the tears started again. I couldn’t stop them.

“Sugar? That was a great thing you did, swinging those lanterns from the porch. I couldn’t see a damned thing out there.”

My throat closed up. I kept gasping for air as I dried Velvet’s tail. I don’t know why I was crying. Grant was back. Velvet was alive. But I couldn’t stop.

Grant covered Velvet with a blanket that had been warming by the fire. She licked the top of his hand.

“I mean it,” Grant continued. “I had to go down the front road quite a way before I found her. She got stuck in some wire after she fell into a ditch. The snow was covering her up so fast.”

I wiped at my face with my forearm over and over. “I’m so glad you found her.”

“Yes,” he said calmly. “And everything is all right. I made it back because I saw the lanterns.”

More tears spilled. I mopped them up with my forearm again, soaking my sweater with tears.

“It’s all my fault. I’m so sorry, Grant.”

He crawled around the dog to get closer to me and put his arm around me. I wiggled away, then backed up on my knees.

“No. I don’t deserve your comfort. I don’t. I almost got her killed.” I huddled into myself.

“There is no blame, Sugar. None.”

“There is. Me. If not for me, she wouldn’t have gotten lost.” I felt like a miserable little kid again. I wanted to run away but there was nowhere to go.

“Listen to me,” Grant said softly.

I started to shake my head.

“Sugar, don’t close yourself off to me. Velvet usually doesn’t run away. Ever. You know that and I know that. This was a fluke. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I can’t ask her why she went out or what she sensed, but sweetheart, there is no blame. You didn’t know she wouldn’t stay with you. She’s very smart. She stays ninety-nine percent of the time. But sometimes, you can’t predict it.”

“You’re just being nice.” I stood up, fists clenched. “If she had died, you’d blame me. Nothing would be the same and you know it. I fucked up. The spell was put on me. It wasn’t supposed to hurt others. It’s me. I’m the one who came into your life with the two of you. And I let her out.”

I turned away and ran toward the bedroom. My mind kept telling me I was acting like a child. But I knew what I’d said was all true.

In the bedroom, I was so pent up I began to pace. Then I sat on the edge of the bed. I didn’t know what to do. We’d had such a great day, me and Grant. Getting the Christmas tree, decorating it, then later doing everything to prepare for the blizzard. And now this. The world was so confusing.

I wiped my face again on my sweater. It did no good. Little moans escaped my throat.

I didn’t know how long I sat there blaming myself, feeling sorry for myself. But after a while, my breathing eased and became smoother. My mind cleared. I felt stronger. The end of the world feeling began to fade.

I got up and went into the bathroom to wash my face. In the mirror, my eyes were red. I looked like a ghost.

I should be happy that Grant and Velvet came back at all. That I had done my part to light their way.

But that horrible spell. Yes, it had brought me to Grant, but it also put a dampener on everything. Then I had a thought that released some tension and made me feel a bit better.

I vowed if I ever saw my father again, I’d walk right up to him and punch him in the face.