Page 96 of My Vampire Plus-One

I tried to elaborate this point by telling him about all the history documentaries I skipped out on watching as a kid, but then his mouth got in the way of more words for a while.

TWENTY-FIVE

Excerpt fromWhat to Expect When You Become a Vampire, Fifteenth Edition

Page 163: Human Relationships—Love and Intimacy

For some considering leaving mortality behind to become a vampire, a major concern can be whether they will be able to maintain intimate relationships with humans once they have turned.

It is a question with no easy answer. Recent data from Johnson & Kettering’s study suggest that most people who intentionally choose vampirism do so because they are already romantically involved with a vampire, largely due to the complications inherent in the human-vampire mortality differential. (See: footnote 37). That said, anecdotal data further suggest that vampires can date and have sex with humans the same way they can with anybody else, so long as they are able to fully internalize thefriends not foodphilosophy that we outline in chapter 2.

Moreover, it is well documented that humans frequently find sexual relations with vampires intensely pleasurable. Addictive, even. (So, you know. There’s that.)

Amelia

We were interrupted by insistentrapping on the spare bedroom door.

“Reginald.”

It was Frederick.

Reggie groaned, pulling away from me. His hair was even more of a wreck now than it had been when I’d gotten there. It was so soft; I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of running my hands through it.

“What is it?” he barked at the door.

“Are you canoodling in there?”

Despite the awkwardness of the situation, I nearly burst out laughing. “Canoodling?” I mouthed in Reggie’s ear. “Seriously?”

“He’s old-fashioned,” Reggie grumbled by way of explanation. And then to Frederick, he yelled, “Go away!”

“I will notgo away,” he retorted. “This is my home. You are obviously free to do whatever it is you like with whomever you like, but for reasons I assume you can guess, I prefer it not happen in the presence of my antiques.”

Reggie glared daggers at the door. “You’re seriously bringing that up now? That was nearly two hundred years ago!”

“Furniture never forgets.”

Reggie looked like he was about to say something scathing in reply, but before he could do it, I put a finger to his lips. I had his full attention again immediately.

“Let’s get out of here,” I suggested, quietly enough that we wouldn’t be overheard by the vampire standing outside the door. “I only came by in the first place to take you back home with me. And I don’t really want to do this here. Do you?”

He grinned, then kissed my finger. That simple act of affection was enough to send a bolt of pure heat down my spine. Oh, I was hopeless.

“No. I don’t,” he confirmed. “I would love to go to your apartment.” He shot a dirty look at the closed bedroom door. “Though I have to say, given some of the lovey-dovey scenarios I’ve overheard since staying here these past few days, Frederick is being a filthy hypocrite right now.”

My cheeks flamed. I had no interest in hearing about Frederick and Cassie’s sexual escapades. “Let’s go to my place, then. There’s privacy, and while there are no protective wards, I do have a very judgmental cat who’ll keep you safe.”

He pulled me into his arms and held me for a very long moment. “I need to gather up some things first. Send me your address. I’ll be there soon.”

On my way out of the apartment, I saw someone had left a thick manila folder on the end table by the front door. There was a Post-it note on the cover that had my name on it, underlined twice.

I flipped open the folder and saw that these were pages fromThe Annalsrelated to The Collective. Inside, there was a note written on crisp off-white stationery, covered in neat, flowing handwriting:

Amelia—I erred on the side of over-inclusivity when making copies ofThe Annals. In addition to entries pertaining to The Collective, enclosed you will also find entries pertainingto Reginald. (Don’t tell him—he’ll kill me [figure of speech].)

I do caution you to temper your enthusiasm. While I expect these passages will give you context for The Collective’s behavior and motives, vampire historians are not as concerned about nonprofit tax policy as one might hope. A lost opportunity, perhaps. But as Cassie might say, “it is what it is.”

Yours in good health—FJF