Page 10 of My Vampire Plus-One

Mom wasbeaming.

It took me longer than it should have to realize that somehow, for reasons that escaped me, my family had taken my flippant comment at face value. Was I really so bad at sarcasm that not one person in my family had picked up on it?

“You’redatingsomeone?” Mom sounded like Christmas had come in March. I barely heard her over the spinning of the wheels in my mind.

I opened my mouth to correct her. To say that, no—I was still just as single as ever—

And closed it again as one of the most ridiculous ideas I’d ever had began taking shape in my mind.

Maybe I reallywasworking too hard and it was getting to me. Perhaps the wine I had only taken a few sips of with dinner had gone too quickly to my head on an empty stomach.

Either way, maybe—just maybe—letting them think I was seeing someone would get them off my back about being single for a little while. At least until after we were on the other side of Gretchen’s wedding, and Mom’s dating-related comments would go back to being occasional annoyances.

The next words out of my mouth shocked me even as I said them.

“Yes. I’m seeing someone.” My voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere outside myself. I thought fleetingly of the interaction I’d had with Mr. Fedora Asshole. It had been so difficult for me to pretend at anything even as it had come as second nature to him.If only he could see me now, I thought, feeling a little unhinged. “I’msoglad I’ll get to bring him to the wedding,” I added, as my family continued to stare at me in surprised silence. “He’ll be thrilled.”

With that, I sank a little lower in my seat and poured myself another glass of Chardonnay with shaking hands. I’d already had more wine than strictly necessary for a family dinner on a Tuesday night. But if I was making questionable decisions, why not go all in?

“Is he hot?” Jess whispered conspiratorially in my ear.

Every single part of me that was capable of panicking was doing it then. “Um. Yeah?” Because in that dizzy moment, it felt like the right thing to say. “He’s…yeah. He’s definitely hot.”

I didn’t sound convincing even to myself, but Jess grinned at me anyway. After a quick glance at Adam to make sure he wasn’t looking, she held up her hand for a fist bump.

Instead of bumping my fist with hers, I pretended not to see it and slunk down farther into my seat.

“I can’t wait to meet him,” Mom said, dreamily.

That made two of us.

I did my best to smile back at Mom, even as I was screaming inside.

FOUR

Excerpt fromThe Annals of Vampyric Lore, Seventeenth Edition

“Index of Notable Historical Events,” p. 1193

The arson that has since become widely known asThe Incidentis believed to have occurred on the evening of October 22, 1872, at a party held at the Sevastopol estate of Count Wyatt Contesque. While accounts from the party’s survivors provide an inconsistent picture of events, most agree on three points:

One:The Incidentdid, in fact, occur, and was the nastiest arson-related vampire murder any person present had ever witnessed.

Two: The morning afterThe Incident, several items believed to belong to Mr. Reginald Cleaves (see:Index of Notorious Vampires, pp. 1123–24) and a bombastic note believed to have been written by same were found on the premises.

Three: Due to a lack of any other clues, many believe Reginald Cleaves was the arsonist.