Page 8 of My Ruthless Alpha (Alpha Outlaws Club #5)

I was panicking on the inside.

As much as I tried to mask it with my irritation, I was losing my mind.

Faye even uttering those words was enough to trigger that reflex to get her to stay…to convince her she didn’t need to go anywhere else. That she didn’t need to seek anyone else’s help.

Whether she knew it or not, I had everything there that she needed.

After all these years, it was a strange, almost intrusive thought, but I knew it was true.

I disappointed her before…I broke her heart and ruined everything between us, but I didn’t want to let that happen again. I didn’t want to be the cause of her pain anymore.

The thought of Faye and Margo leaving, even if they had only been there for a day, made me feel like I would lose my mind if they did.

I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t let her go…not when she had just come back to me, even if it was by accident.

“You have to reconsider this,” I urged her, taking another step closer while I held her gaze. I needed her to know I was serious.

Faye looked even more annoyed than I did and didn’t like me trying to tell her what to do. Even so, I felt it was my job to do whatever I could to convince her otherwise.

While she didn’t owe me anything, and I didn’t have a right to be making any demands, I couldn’t stand the thought of her and Margo slipping away. I wasn’t ready for them to go.

“And why do I?”

It was a valid question, which seemed to make it even harder to answer. “I don’t want to be the one to stand in your way…not after everything. But this is reckless. You have to know that.”

“Leaving my pack was reckless…staying here with you is reckless…going out there is too. But it doesn’t change that I have to leave eventually,” she argued, keeping her voice low to not disturb Margo down the hall.

“But why? Why do you have to leave? You two would be just fine here.”

“Because this isn’t our home…you aren’t our alpha, and this isn’t our pack,” she returned sharply, still not backing down. “We don’t need to overstay our welcome.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? Why do you care so much?” Faye muttered, visibly getting more and more tired of me not conceding to her wishes.

“I care,” I said, feeling all the while my chest tightened, and my voice became quieter. As much as I didn’t want to speculate or confront her that way, I couldn’t stop the words from leaving my mouth. “Margo…is she mine?”

The question stunned Faye on the spot and seemingly took all the wind from her sails. Her eyes widened, and she struggled to find the words.

I let go of a breath and murmured, “The math checks out…she looks just like me and my brothers. And I…I feel this connection with her as if I’ve known her since the day she was born. Please, you have to tell me.”

The more I said, the guiltier Faye seemed while she averted her gaze as if she had finally been caught and couldn’t run away from it anymore.

It didn’t feel great to corner her like that, but I needed to know the truth one way or another. The question had been stuck in my head, and I couldn’t just leave it alone as much as I initially wanted to.

“Faye…is she my child?” I asked again, never raising my tone higher than those hushed words.

Finally, letting go of a heavy breath, Faye nodded. All the while, that guilt remained clear as day on her face. “Yes…”

The confirmation hit me like a tidal wave, and I still couldn't believe it, even if I had suspicions since the moment I saw her.

I couldn’t wrap my head around it all. Somewhere along the way, I got Faye pregnant, and after I left the pack, she had no way of telling me, and she probably didn’t want to either.

As difficult as it was even to conceive the idea, the following realization sat heavily on my conscience, and while a part of me wanted to be angry that it was withheld from me, I couldn’t be. Not while knowing Faye had dealt with it on her own. All the while, I was ignorant of the fact that she was carrying my child.

She had to handle the pregnancy, the birth, and the first few years of Margo’s life all by herself. She didn’t have me there to help her, provide for her, or offer her my support. I wasn’t there to take half the load.

Instead, I was off living my own life, and I missed it—those early years.

While Faye seemed to brace herself for an explosion from me, I didn’t have one. Instead, I took a small step closer and looked at her with all the sincerity I possessed.

Margo was my child…our child. Faye had been mine once, and even if I ruined things between us beyond repair, I still cared for her. I still wanted to be there for her and make up for everything I fumbled about before.

Knowing I was a father shook up something within me, and that sense of duty and protectiveness seemed to bloom in my chest.

I may have missed that time, but I didn’t want to be absent moving forward. I couldn’t let that happen.

Blinking back at her while I tried to work through my disbelief, I let go of a huffed breath that bordered on a humorless chuckle. “Margo’s my daughter. Our daughter…”

Closing her eyes to keep herself together, Faye nodded.

“When did you find out?” I asked gently, almost afraid speaking too loud might shatter the moment full of revelations.

She swallowed hard, still hardly able to look me in the eyes. “A few weeks after you left. By the time I found out, you were long gone…I didn’t know where to find you.”

Despite knowing that already, it stung again to hear it. But I couldn’t block out the pressing questions seemingly trapped inside my head.

“If you could’ve reached me when you found out…would you have told me?”

Even if it seemed to trouble her to consider it, she nodded. “I would’ve been apprehensive, but yes. I would’ve. It wasn’t something I wanted to keep from you.”

Her words were a relief, at least. Knowing that she didn’t intentionally stop me from finding out about the pregnancy. It had been entirely my fault for leaving and not giving her the chance to find out before I decided to defect. I couldn’t blame her for that.

Nodding, I took in her features and how she gradually allowed herself to look at me. How that fear of hers shifted into disbelief more than anything else.

“You’re…not mad that you didn’t know?”

“I’m sad that I missed out on everything, and I’m angry with myself for making you face all of those firsts on your own, but no…I’m not mad at you,” I answered honestly, only feeling more reaffirmed in my previous stance.

She held my gaze then like she was pleasantly surprised.

With my involvement confirmed and everything making more sense, I knew what had to come next. I knew I couldn’t let Faye follow through with her plans to leave.

“Which is why you can’t go,” I began, sighing as I did everything in my power to calm my racing heart at the thought of both of them slipping away from me all over again. “I’ve already missed so much, and I don’t want to miss out on more of Margo’s life…on what the two of us could’ve had.”

To my surprise, Faye’s eyes softened, and she seemed to grapple with my words.

I could tell she wasn’t expecting me to be so accepting or determined to make sure she stuck around, but it seemed to work in my favor.

“I’m…sorry you had to find out this way,” she murmured, voice barely above a whisper. “I know it must be a lot to process.”

“It has been, but I won’t pretend like I didn’t already have my suspicions.”

With a subtle drop of her shoulders, she nodded. “She looks a lot like you. It’s hard not to notice.”

I smiled faintly at her comment, knowing she was right. The thought made a hint of warmth move through my chest. “It’s true.”

“She doesn’t know, by the way…I still haven’t told her.”

Faye sounded somewhat ashamed, as if she should’ve told Margo by now.

While it could be true, a part of me also understood why she hadn’t. She was still young, and something like that would likely confuse her more than anything. Even so, my being in the picture would complicate them even more if we didn’t approach it properly.

Regardless, it didn’t deter me. It would only be a step in the right direction to making things right.

“I can’t say I blame you. This isn’t exactly an ideal situation, and it hasn’t been from the start.”

Another flicker of surprise gleamed in her eyes, but she seemed to hold my gaze easier than before. “I feel like I should, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to upset her or cause any issues. I’ve never been in this kind of situation before.”

Taking in her beautiful features again, appreciating how the soft kitchen light accentuated her face and body, I felt almost magnetized to her as my body involuntarily drifted closer. My expression turned to a warmer, more determined one.

“You don’t have to do it alone.”

Her brows went up imperceptibly, and I could’ve sworn I heard her breath hitch as I leaned forward. She swallowed hard, unable to pull her eyes away from me. “…you mean that?”

There was no room left for doubt in my mind—not while my previous affection for her swelled within me and reached the forefront of my mind again.

“Yes, I do,” I murmured, gently stroking her cheek while we stood much closer than before. “…more than I expected myself to. But I mean it. You’ve done enough on your own already. You shouldn’t have to shoulder that responsibility on your own, too.”

Something about those words seemed to resonate with Faye as if I were saying the one thing she had secretly hoped to hear for quite some time now. I watched as she visibly relaxed into my touch, and it caused that dormant longing for her to awaken…and demand more of her.

I went years without being able to see or feel her, and during that time, I still wanted her. From day one, I never wanted to be without her, but given my tumultuous feelings and doubts concerning my place in the pack, I never wanted to drag her down with me. I didn’t want to remove her from the one pack she had ever known for my selfish reasons, especially as things might not have turned out so well for me.

I always wanted her. Only her. And at that moment, having her so close to me made it feel too right to resist.

Unable to help myself, I cupped her cheek and noticed how my longing reflected in her eyes. Without saying a word, I knew she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. It was all the confirmation I needed to take that leap of faith.

Beyond the point of maintaining my self-restraint, I pulled her in close and captured her lips with my own.