Page 11 of My Ruthless Alpha (Alpha Outlaws Club #5)

Ever since Beau left the pack that day and I consequently found out I was pregnant with Margo, I have felt more riddled with inner conflict than I ever had before. Since then, I have hated the feeling.

I hated not knowing what to think of a situation or how to proceed—especially when it involved my daughter.

I slept with Beau, and while it was a potential lapse of judgment, I couldn’t go back and change it. I didn’t know if I even wanted to if I had the chance.

My attraction to him led me to that position. I was drawn to him, and more and more of me wanted him, but I still couldn’t shake how the memories of what happened between us returned to me every time I tried to consider our future.

Being near him seemed to only open that old wound up again, but at the same time, he almost felt like the cure. Yet, I didn’t have it in me to trust him completely yet. The damage caused by his rejection wasn’t something I could just turn a blind eye to, even if I wanted to do exactly that.

Beau was right there…right within reach and more tempting than ever, especially after getting to feel him again. But he did a number on me, and there was no telling when I might feel able to accept more of him.

Regardless, I didn’t want to keep Margo from him. I’d feel like a monster if I tried to, even if it would’ve been the easiest choice—running away instead of facing it and getting over those fears.

As much as part of me wanted to lean into that idea and shrink away from potentially addressing more of those pain- inducing memories with him, sitting outside in the backyard. At the same time, Margo played with a few toys Beau had grabbed for her, which made me second-guess it.

She was chattering to herself happily, including her toys in whatever daydream she found herself in, all while Beau and I watched. From time to time, she’d bring something over for him to interact with, and he’d do so gladly, encouraging more of her creativity.

It all looked so normal, so perfectly like the idea I once had of our life together.

Margo could play like she didn’t have a care in the world, and the two of us could be there and watch while she lived out the childhood she deserved. She didn’t need to question who her dad was or why she didn’t know him. Instead, she could grow alongside him.

It was what I’d wanted for her from the beginning, and seeing a preview of how that could unfold for us made me want to stay and see where it might eventually take us.

While Margo took back one of the dolls she had given Beau and opted to get lost in her reverie again, I watched her and silently hoped she felt at ease. I hoped she didn’t feel like anything but a child free to explore and discover the world around her.

The scene looked all too perfect and otherwise would’ve been, but I couldn’t ignore the faint ache in my chest, knowing we were missing someone.

While I was in Beau’s backyard, within the security of his territory and pack, Sydney was back with the others. Back with Colton and his betas, who were more than willing to follow his every word regardless of how brutal he could be.

She didn’t know where I ended up or if I had even gotten far enough away. Since I left, I haven’t received any messages from her, likely out of fear that Colton might somehow find out. I was sure she didn’t want to link herself to me leaving in any way, and I hoped she committed to that. I didn’t send her any texts for that same fear.

But if what she heard before had been true, and he did claim me as his mate in front of the others, then I didn’t doubt he’d be pissed. It was likely he followed my trail as far as he could before reaching Beau’s territory and being forced to turn back or risk a confrontation he wasn’t ready for.

Sydney had been my rock through everything ever since Beau left, and I found my mind stuck on one thought…wondering if she’d ever get to experience the kind of peace that came with Beau’s pack.

As far as I could tell from my light exploration with Margo, everyone seemed so at peace. Like they didn’t have anything to worry about beyond fulfilling their roles in the pack. They didn’t seem worried about what kind of things Beau would force them to do or be concerned about someone they knew being targeted by him in some way.

It was a slow, small town, but it was comfortable. Everyone I came across seemed more than content to be there.

The more I thought about it, the guiltier I felt. I left her behind to help myself and my daughter, but it felt like a piece of me was still there, waiting to be saved.

I wanted to reach out and see Sydney again, but I was afraid of Colton finding us and potentially putting her and Margo’s lives at risk.

“What’s wrong?”

Beau’s gentle tone broke my train of thought, and I blinked through my trance to meet his gaze. He seemed somewhat worried but kept it light anyway.

“Just…thinking about things.”

It was a pretty flimsy answer, but it also wasn’t entirely wrong.

Not prepared to leave it at that, he kept his eyes on me. “You can tell me if something’s bothering you.”

A part of me didn’t want to share. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful for everything he had already done for us, and I didn’t want to dig up even more about what was on my mind.

Yet, something about his offer was still appealing. It was too gentle and welcoming to pass up, especially when it felt like I needed to get it off my chest to free me from the guilt.

With a sigh, I watched Margo again and kept my voice quiet enough for just the two of us to hear. “Do you remember Sydney Abernathy?”

He nodded simply. “Your best friend. Of course.”

“The day I left the pack, I left because of her,” I began, still feeling that dull ache in my chest. “She came to me to let me know Colton wanted to see me…he had been looking for a mate, and he wanted me. Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to keep Margo, so thanks to Sydney’s warning, I packed up our things and ran.”

As I spoke, I could feel the irritation steadily rising within Beau, especially at the mention of Margo. Regardless, he kept his expression contained. “So she helped you?”

I nodded. “Yes…more than just warning me, she covered for us too. She stayed back and made sure I had the chance to get away. She said she planned to lie about me already being gone, and I can only hope that Colton bought it...”

He listened quietly, nodding his head now and then. Even if he, too, seemed worked up by the idea of anyone wanting to harm Margo or me, Beau still tempered his feelings and listened.

“And now that I’m here, safe and sound with Margo, I can’t help but feel so guilty. I don’t want her stuck there any longer than she needs to be,” I explained, unable to keep the sadness out of my features. “She’s done so much for me and always continued to do so regardless of what I was going through. Sydney has been my rock for longer than I can remember, and I can’t stand what she might be experiencing in Colton’s pack.”

Beau took it all in, nodded to himself, then seemed to take on a decided air. Despite how simple his statement sounded, he was completely serious. “You should reach out to her…Invite her to stay here.”

My heart skipped at his words, and I blinked back at him, surprised by how quickly he came to that conclusion. “Really?”

“Absolutely. It might be a small town, but we have more than enough room for at least one more,” he said sincerely.

I could only look at him for another moment, both grateful and astonished by the offer.

A small part of me wondered if he was just saying it like a throwaway comment he didn’t intend to follow up on—something to ease my nerves at the moment. But I knew better than that.

There was no kind of deception in his gaze, and at once, my skepticism dissolved.

“Thank you.”

A pleased smile crossed his face as he nodded. “It’s no problem, really. Reach out to her, and I’ll see what I can do.”

More than happy about the offer, I found myself smiling in return, and a surge of appreciation moved through me.

While there was no guarantee that he would follow through with it or that it would even be possible to get Sydney in town, it felt like the start of something—a promise to make amends and help me feel better about the situation.

Eventually, while Beau kept Margo busy, I pulled out my phone, which I had seldom used since arriving in town, and texted Sydney.

I hesitated at first, silently worrying about potentially getting her in some sort of trouble. If Colton were to get a hold of her phone or see the message by chance, there was a big chance she would end up in more trouble than I even wanted to consider.

But at the same time, by not reaching out to her and never opening the door for her to leave, I was risking her never getting a taste of that freedom and peace. I didn't think I'd ever forgive myself if she were stuck in that pack for the rest of her life with Colton as her alpha, especially if anything happened to her.

There were risks with either option, but I knew I couldn’t just give up on Sydney.

I had to pass the offer along and at least try to get her out of there. She deserved it.

She deserved to know I wasn’t just leaving her behind forever.

Finally, I pressed the send button and silently hoped to hear back from her sooner rather than later.