Page 7 of My Ruthless Alpha (Alpha Outlaws Club #5)

Getting a full night’s rest and having the chance to fill our stomachs was a great relief, and I couldn’t deny how grateful I felt for Beau’s help.

He didn’t have any reason to stick his neck out for us. If anything, I wouldn’t have expected him to help me or Margo, given that we didn’t have any ties to him anymore and weren’t in his pack.

But in all honesty, it wasn’t much of a surprise. He had always been more selfless than most.

Even when he and his brothers were younger, he did so much for them, often sacrificing his needs and wanting to look after them first.

After their mother passed and their dad was left to take everything on himself, he pretty much cracked under the pressure and was mentally absent. In the end, Beau shouldered the brunt of the responsibilities and did everything he could to care for them.

Luckily, Cyrus knew what was going on and helped to make sure they had a warm place to stay and enough food to eat, but other than that, Beau was responsible for the daily care. It got easier as his brothers got older, but there were times when it wore him down, and I witnessed it firsthand.

It seemed that instinct to protect and provide for his brothers never left him, and it even extended to others outside of his family…at least, as far as he knew.

Still, even with his help and the chance to catch my breath, I felt even more rattled than before, just for a different reason entirely.

Given the time to consider the situation closer, it was so much to take. I couldn’t understand how I ended up in that position, and it hit me all at once, and I didn’t know what to think of it.

I felt drawn to him regardless of how much time had passed since we last saw each other. As much as I didn’t want to, I couldn’t deny how attractive he still was and how it felt like second nature to be pulled into him.

Yet, I was still hurting from what happened. Even with time, that wound didn’t completely heal, and what was left of it still ached.

At one time, the two of us had something good going…we were close and working on exploring what we had. We went as far as confessing our feelings for one another and talking about our future. We went over what we wanted, who we wanted to be, and everything we hoped to accomplish.

I bared my soul to him and allowed him to see all my vulnerabilities, all with the hope of us becoming complete mates. At one point, it even felt like fate.

Regardless of my faults or any reason, every other wolf from our pack overlooked me; Beau never cared. He embraced all of me and never made me feel less than.

Except for the day he decided he couldn’t do it anymore. Being in the pack, following Cyrus as his beta, and being with me…he just didn’t want it.

As perfect as everything seemed, it wasn’t enough for him, and it broke my heart.

I didn’t know if he knew how badly that day affected me. If he knew the extent of how broken up I had been over him, leaving out of the blue and refusing to see any kind of reason.

Some part of me should’ve known a bit sooner. I should’ve seen the signs of how he was pulling back and seemed to hesitate and overthink everything. I assumed he was going through something he’d eventually overcome, but that didn’t happen. Instead, he left, and he never came back.

As far as I knew, we were doing fine at the time. But it seemed he did a good job hiding it all from me.

Beau was outwardly kind to Margo and me, leaving me more confused than the day he defected from the pack. It wasn’t out of the question for him, but given our past, I would’ve expected him to be less sure about housing us and making sure we were taken care of.

In a sense, it made me feel guilty.

To him, I was Margo’s mother, and nothing was connecting the two of them.

The fact that Beau was her dad and he did not know was starting to weigh on me, as much as I tried to ignore it.

It was getting harder and harder to push down, however. Every time I looked at them while they were in the same room, that pressing thought seemed to grow heavier and heavier.

I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to keep it to myself without losing my mind, but I wasn’t ready to spill those details just yet. My thoughts and feelings were far too scrambled, and I didn’t want to make things worse.

Still, as the day went on, and Margo and I kept busy in the house, eventually spending some time outside, I found myself going back and forth about what to do.

A part of me didn’t want to leave yet, given how intrigued I was by Beau’s new life and everything he had going on…but the other part needed me to leave more than anything for my sanity. I wanted as much distance between us as possible to avoid that residual pain that I just didn’t want to deal with anymore.

And yet, as tempting as it was to leave, Margo’s safety had to be the thing that outweighed everything else. Her well-being was my main priority, both physically and emotionally, and despite my discomfort with either option, I had to pick the one that supported her the most.

After spending the day resting and relaxing, Beau eventually made us dinner, and when it started to get late, I carried Margo back to the spare room.

She leaned against my shoulder contently, staying quiet until we reached the bedroom, where I carefully placed her on the bed.

Margo wasn’t usually one to keep her thoughts to herself, but she looked more pensive than usual while she sat on the bed surrounded by blankets.

Gently, I nudged beneath her chin with a finger. “What are you thinking about?”

She blinked back at me and took on a more curious expression. “Who is Beau?”

Taking a discreet breath, I didn’t let any of my expression hint at anything deeper, even if I knew it would likely go over her head anyway.

I knew the opportunity was right in front of me. I could open the door to that conversation and begin to get her to understand. She had asked about her father before, but I always did my best to deflect, and I couldn’t help but question when would be the right time.

It was the first time she had ever seen Beau and the first time finding myself in that precarious position.

She was still so young, and I didn’t know if she’d get it anyway. But at the same time, I wondered if I was doing more harm than good by keeping it from her.

But even with that opportunity at hand, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell her about her dad just to leave again.

It all seemed like such a mess, and I didn’t want Margo to grow up with that kind of confusion.

Clearing my throat, I reached for our bag and pulled out her pajamas. “He’s a friend of mine.”

“Is he a new friend?”

I shook my head. “No…I knew him before. That’s why he’s letting us stay here.”

Margo nodded to herself, brows furrowing in thought as she pieced her words together mentally first. “Are we staying here long?”

Unsure of how she would react, I settled on another vague response. “We’ll see.”

She didn’t seem entirely satisfied with my answer, yet she didn’t question it either, and as quickly as the thought appeared, it seemed to vanish again. Her attention was quickly averted once more, much to my relief.

Before long, I got Margo dressed and ready for bed, then tucked her in and placed a gentle kiss against her forehead before I got up and left the room again.

While I didn’t want to upset Margo since she seemed to have fun at Beau’s place, I didn’t let her know that my mind was already made up.

I knew that staying would only make her more attached to the place, along with Beau and Miles, but we couldn’t stay forever. It was better to rip the bandage off.

I couldn’t handle the messiness that came with staying under his roof. Given our history and all the complicated feelings that flooded in at the same time, I didn’t want to push my luck and make it even worse.

It was hard enough to go through that rejection the first time around…I didn’t need to keep reliving it.

Pulling in a breath while I moved down the hall and approached the kitchen, I found Beau standing over the counter while he cleaned up after dinner and wiped down the surfaces. He glanced over at me.

“Has Margo gone to bed?”

I nodded and took a few more steps, maintaining a healthy distance between us. “Yeah…she was pretty tired from today.”

“I’m glad to see she was having fun. We don’t exactly have any kids’ things anymore, but she seemed entertained anyway,” he said lightly as if it was a typical, mundane thing for us to discuss.

There was something strange about it—us talking about Margo like he knew everything, and we were living like a normal family. But it was far from the truth. Virtually nothing was settled between us, and I couldn’t shake off how weird and awkward that state of limbo felt.

Not sure where to start, I averted my gaze and sighed. “We’re going to head out tomorrow.”

Beau paused what he was doing and looked over at me, almost with a skeptical look mixed with the desire to object on his tongue. “What?”

“We’re leaving…I appreciate your help, but the two of us need to keep going,” I replied, doing my best to stick to my guns, regardless of the way his displeasure in hearing that only seemed to deepen the more I spoke. “We’re going to try and make it on our own somewhere else.”

Beau’s brows furrowed, but otherwise, he managed to keep his expression mostly neutral. “Where are you going then?”

“I don’t know…just somewhere.”

“Somewhere? You don’t even have a plan?” Beau asked incredulously, allowing more irritation to spark despite speaking in a hushed tone.

I forced out a breath and crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t want to hear anything about it from him, even if it was true…I didn’t have a plan.

“No, I don’t…but I’ll figure it out. I always do.”

Beau scoffed. “But you don’t need to wing it. I’m not forcing you out of here…you don’t need to leave.”

My irritation flared at his insistence. Even if it was nice, and he was trying to help us out, I didn’t have him to give me a solution. I just wanted him to let me go and not try to argue against my decision. “I agreed that we won’t stay long from the start. It’s not like this is sudden.”

He took a step closer. “Do you really think hauling Margo back through the woods while you aimlessly search for somewhere else to stay is ideal?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t tell me what’s right for my daughter.”

Remembering himself, Beau sighed and shook his head. “I’m not trying to tell you how to parent…but you don’t need to do this. You can take some time to think things through before you make any major decisions.”

“I’ve done enough thinking…you can’t change my mind.”

Beau looked at me like I slapped him in the face, but it was clear he wouldn’t let me go quite so easily.