Page 13 of My Roommate Is a Vampire

You certainly have a lot of nerve bringing that up.

Sorry

Forget I said anything

Anyway I still think its fine.

No one else has replied to the ad right?

That is correct.

Because of you.

Because of the rent thing?

Yes. Because of the rent thing.

Okay yeah

I made a typo when I filled out the Craigslist form.

Sorry about that. Thats on me.

I am not so sure you are actually sorry. Either way, this cannot be put off any longer. I must have a roommate, and as soon as possible.

The more time passes, the more I realize how completely out of my element I am.

I need help. Badly.

I suppose she will do.

Even if she is odd.

Well think of it this way. If shes really THAT strange, you won’t be tempted to either eat OR fuck her right?

Why do I still speak to you?

I mean I made sure you were fed, right?

And set it up so your bills and HOA dues were paid on time

I also got u a cell phone

You owed me AT LEAST that much, given the circumstances.

You know on second thought it would probably be good for you if you DID fuck your new roommate

God knows its been long enough

I am blocking your number as soon as I work out how that is done.

Frederick wasn’t there to greet me when I moved in. Of course, I hadn’t expected him to be. We’d emailed a few times after I said I’d take the room, and he’d explained his nocturnal schedule was a seven-days-a-week thing. He’d be sleeping in his bedroom—not to be disturbed—when I arrived.

So it wasn’t a surprise when I rolled my suitcase through the front door and found myself alone in my new, weirdly dark, weirdly decorated living room. It was also freezing in there, like it had been when I’d first visited.

I rubbed at my arms, trying to warm them.

Sam was originally supposed to help me move in, but he wasn’t there, either. I suspected his last-minute need to visit an elderly great-aunt I’d never heard of before out in Skokie was his passive-aggressive way of saying he thought my moving in was a mistake.