Page 12 of My Roommate Is a Vampire

Good evening, Reginald.

Hey Freddie my boy what’s up

Several things are “up.”

First, I wanted to inform you that I have shredded, and disposed of, that hideous welcome mat I found in front of my door yesterday.

I assume you are the one who put it there?

Awww you didn’t like it?

Of course I didn’t like it you buffoon.

But I spent so much time picking out a gift I thought you’d love

I doubt very seriously that that is the case.

But never mind.

The primary reason I am typing to you now on my infuriatingly tiny cellular telephone screen is to inform you that someone replied to the Craigslist advertisement you placed for me.

She will be moving in over the weekend.

Hey thats great

There is only one problem.

My new roommate is not at all what I had been expecting.

In what way

First, she is a woman. Which I knew, of course, when she replied to my advertisement and I saw her name.

I have nothing against women, as you know. I have also come to understand through my review of the newspapers and magazines you have brought me that inthe present era it is not unheard of for unmarried men and women to live together.

So: while a bit disconcerting, I am not overly concerned that she is a woman.

My primary concern is that she is a woman who may not be entirely normal.

And you ARE normal?

That is a fair point.

I thought so

I simply worry that this will not work if my new roommate is someone who thinks it appropriate to arrive to an appointment with disheveled hair and ragged, paint-splattered clothing.

I think itll be fine

Also, she smiles rather a lot, which I find somewhat

I don’t know

Distracting.

Distracting huh?

Distracting as in... the woman we met that one night in Paris, distracting?